Tag Archive for 'Tyra Banks'

Remember When?

Remember when Adam Lambert was just a dude who happened to sing pretty well and wear a little eyeliner?

Yeah.  I don’t even wanna THINK about how long it takes him to look like this.  This isn’t just a little eyeliner.  This is more make up than Tammy Faye Baker wore.  And it looks like he has an entire tub of Vaseline in his hair.

Which reminds me.  Remember when this happened?

Good times.

 

THIS Is Who Won A Modeling Contest?!?!

This chick looks like death warmed over.  In fact, there are Actual Skeletons who might be fatter than she is.

Apparently, she’s the most recent winner of Tyra Banks’ America’s Next Top Model.  Tyra Banks, who is all proud of promoting “regular sized women.”  You know.

Are You Hungry Right Now?

Because, if you are, I have a sure fire fix for that.

I got a hilarious email from an alert and astute mockdocker this morning which read, in part, as follows:

“I saw the entry about the woman who eats toilet paper…and I couldn’t stop laughing because last year, when I was procrastinating at school, I was looking up youtube videos of the Tyra Show (because, honestly, it can be so ridiculous that you can’t stop watching) and I came upon that same episode about the weird eating habits, and I have to say, the woman eating the toilet paper isn’t even the WORST guest. Now normally when I share a video with people, I say: Enjoy! But I guess that doesn’t really apply in this case, haha.

She’s right. Toilet paper is basically a total delicacy compared to this insanity:

I love how Tyra asks towards the end, “So, are you dating someone right now?” And the chick says no, and Tyra is all, “Ok we’ll be right back.” Awwwwwkward.

THIS Is What Qualifies As A Model??!

I don’t recall ever watching the Tyra Banks modeling show, and now that I’ve seen this clip, I can tell you with 100% certainty that I never ever will.

That chick is VILE, and she shouldn’t be taking PRIDE in that waist. She should be FEEDING it.

Ick.

As If She Didn’t Love Herself Enough Already

Someone allowed Tyra Banks to win an Emmy for “best informative show.”  Yes – that Tyra – the one who cannot hold a conversation with anyone without trying to showcase herself in some way. The same person/people allowed Rachael Ray to win an Emmy for “best talk show.”

This is clear cut, incontrovertible proof that the people who decide on the winners of the Emmys do not actually watch the shows for which they vote.

Case in point. Behold below an example of Tyra’s “informative programming.”

 

This Is The Dumbest Thing EVER

First of all, Tyra Banks is just ridiculous. I mean, let’s just all agree on that before we go any further. The above clip is the finale from America’s Next Top Model – which frankly I can’t believe that people watch but I can’t really disparage that too much considering how totally psyched I am that Mystery and Matador and JDog are coming back to VH1 to show another dweeb how to be the next Pick Up Artist.

Anyway, not to spoil this for you or anything, but the girl who won is being referred to as a FULL FIGURED MODEL. As in plus-sized. As in what you would normally picture in your head as looking something like Delta Burke back in her pre-drug days.

Can I just tell you how infuriated this makes me? This girl is not plus sized. She’s not even full figured. She’s just normal. In fact, she makes the girl who loses look like an 11 year old.

I never watched this show before, but now I’m EXTRA not going to watch it. Take THAT, Tyra Banks.

Tyra Has A Stalker

Reports are floating around that Tyra Banks has a stalker who has been issued an order to stay away from her.

No report yet on whether or not the stalker is trying to get in her pants or just get her to shut up already.

I Am Going To Go Out On A Limb Here…

Tyra Banks goes insane for Vaseline

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…and I’m just going to throw out the possibility that Tyra Banks likes Vaseline.

And also that she’s a lunatic.

Tyra Can’t Find a Man

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According to reports, Tyra Banks blames the tabloids and paparazzi for her inability to find a good man, because they keep everyone thinking she’s hooked up with various people when she’s really not.

 Mmm hmm.  THAT is the reason you’re single, Tyra.

Why I’ve decided I don’t like Tyra Banks

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Ok, so I have to admit, I watch the Tyra Banks Show every evening at 5pm. Hey, when you don’t have cable, you watch what you can. So I have watched for awhile now, and just this week I have pinpointed why I don’t like Tyra. I’ll give her some credit first off: she is a strong woman who I think stands up for her beliefs as an African American, a woman, and as a person who weighs more than 90 pounds. But, this is the Mock Dock, so I would like to point out her annoying tendencies, and why I now have to watch PBS from 5 to 6.

First of all, she is the most annoying interview-er ever. For example, this week she interviewed Barack Obama. The interview went something like this: Tyra – “Barack, you and I have a lot in common because I like me, and so do you, and you are mixed, like me, and I think that’s great, and I have a brother in the war, and you have opinions on the war, and you have a lot of opinions like me, and I don’t know if you have ever seen my show, but people called me fat, and I stood up to them, and you have to stand up too. Who do you think should play you in a movie?”  Barack, “well, maybe Densel, but I have big ears like Will Smith.” Tyra – “That’s hilarious. I have a big forehead, look. But I used to be a supermodel, and now I’m retired…….” 

This went on and on. I swear that if analyzed, she says 83% more than the person she has on the show…the person that is supposed to do the talking.

Also, if she brings up one more time that she used to be a model, I will scream. She talks about it every day people. I mean, we get it. We do. Here is what she said yesterday, to a girl who is apparently an up-and-coming model. “Well, as you, and everybody, knows, I used to be a super model, and now I am retired. I know that when I was up and coming, I would watch the tapes of (insert another model’s name here) and imitate her walk.”  New Model – “Oh, I did that with YOUR tapes!” Tyra (acting surprised) – “You did??????  (audience claps) Well, its my pleasure to be your role model as you come up into this business. Hopefully you can have the same success as I have with my modeling, being on magazine covers, with Victoria Secret, with “America’s Next Top Model” and now this show. I hope the same for you.”

So, now you see why no one should be watching this show. Because, seriously, the day her head finally explodes, its going to be messy people. Thanks for reading, I’ll get off the soap box. What’s on PBS?

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