Tag Archive for 'turtles'

Score One For The TSA

So according to this, some TOTAL LUNATIC tried to smuggle seven snakes and three turtles onto a plane.

But it gets better. He had hidden them in his pants.

It’s as if he woke up that morning and thought to himself, “What is the single grossest thing I could do to completely freak Mock out and get her to write about me on The Mock Dock?”

Well played, weirdo. Well played.

There’s absolutely no way I’m putting pictures of snakes and turtles here, because then I’d have to look at them. So here’s a couple of orangutans singing Robbie Williams songs.

You can tell they’re Robbie Williams songs, because of the PURE JOY AND ECSTASY on their faces.

This Day Had All The Makings Of An Epic Failure…

…but it ended up being ok.

Why did it start out so badly?  Because on my way to work, in the middle of the road, was the biggest turtle I’ve seen free-roaming in Indiana ever.  And it was just sitting there.  It was alive, and his head was out of his stupid giant shell, and he was just watching oncoming traffic, as if to DARE US ALL to run him over.

You have no idea how tempting that was.

But then I remembered about the giant, hairy, disgusting spider I killed in my kitchen this past weekend, and the sickening nauseating puke-inducing crunch it made when I stepped on it, and I imagined that sound magnified to the power of a zillion if I ran over that stupid turtle, so I just swerved like everyone else and shook my fist at it, and tried to calm my dry heaves.

I FREAKING HATE TURTLES.

But then the day got better, because there were no more turtles involved, and I’m currently making tater tot casserole for dinner, which I am very much looking forward to, because I love it, and which Mr. Mock is very much looking forward to, because he’s not having to cook, which as you know, is exceedingly rare in our house, and the only reason I’m continuing this sentence at all right now is to see just how long I can make it before it becomes really obnoxiously run-on-tastic.

I think that was probably about the limit.

Anyway, here’s some owls.

 

Size, In This Case, Doesn’t Matter

Ever since I told you all about my hatred of turtles, I’ve been amused at how often some of you have tried to send me turtle-related stuff in the hopes that with exposure therapy, you could cure me of this hatred.

FYI: It is NOT WORKING. 🙂

Now, I’ll admit, when an alert and astute mockdocker sent me the turtle with the kitten riding on its back, I was slightly disarmed. But only because I focused on the kitten, and less on its mode of transport.

Today, an alert and astute mockdocker sent me this video, with a message that said, “I know how you feel about turtles, but this one is SO TINY!”

But, as I replied to this mockdocker, LOOK AT THAT TINY TURTLE’S FACE! That is the face of PURE EVIL, you guys. Watching that thing eat is like watching a horror movie.

Thankfully, you’re all also really good at sending me adorable animal photos too, and this one of a monkey with its own personal cat helped me get over the tiny turtle terror:

Sharing Time!

I have an irrational fear and hatred of turtles.

There.  I said it.

Over the past couple of years,  some of you alert and astute mockdockers have sent me, from time to time, stories or videos about turtles.  And you need to know that while I appreciate being sent any items of interest, if I open up an email and it has anything to do with turtles, I pretty much delete it immediately.  That is how much I hate them.

Bunny, my sister, has an irrational fear and hatred of street cleaners.  Apparently, we have a genetic predisposition to hate things that people do not generally have a reason to hate.

Here’s the thing.  I wasn’t born hating turtles.  In fact, in grade school, I remember finding the little box turtles in the neighborhood creek, and trying to keep them as pets in shoe boxes.  I liked them back then. 

But when I was about 12, we took a family trip to France, and visited some sort of museum which was a few stories high, and which had a huge center atrium thingy which you could look down into from each level.  And in the sunken-in part of the center atrium, was a turtle habitat.  There were HUNDREDS of turtles of all sizes in that habitat, and I remember standing there, looking over the edge of the railing, watching all of those turtles doing normal turtle things.

Until….

I saw a small turtle screaming.  He was standing there, appendages out, and he was opening his mouth and then closing it, repeatedly.  Not in an eating sort of way, but in a screaming sort of way.  And I quickly realized why.  It was because a slightly bigger turtle had one of the smaller turtle’s back legs in its mouth, and he was basically chewing it off.  RIGHT BEFORE MY EYES.

That was one of those things that you can’t stop looking at.  You’re staring in horror at what is transpiring, and you’d give anything to just look away, but you can’t.  I remember NOT seeing the small turtle’s leg actually coming OFF – I think my parents must have pulled me away from the horror before that happened, but I will NEVER forget the screaming face of that little turtle.

And ever since then, I hate ALL turtles.  Even though I know not all turtles are vicious leg eaters.  So, I’m perfectly aware that it’s irrational, but I cannot help it.  I hate them.  I cringe whenever I see them, even if it’s just a photo.

I mean, LOOK AT THIS:

2009-10-16_180218

You KNOW that turtle is going to finish being hatched, and then immediately find the leg of another turtle to chew off.

HATE.

Anyway, Bunny and I can’t be the only ones with hatred or fear of irrational things.  I wanna hear your stories.  GO!

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