Tag Archive for 'Spencer Pratt'

Heidi Montag Is Going To Sue Spencer Pratt

I think I’ve made it patently clear how much I loathe Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. Simply do a search on this site on either of their names, and you’ll find tons of previous entries about how positively nauseating they both are.  I hated them before they were together, while they were together, and I hate them now that they’re apart.  In fact, I can’t think of a better bi-partisan issue for Congress to focus on than figuring out a way to remove both of those clowns from this country forever.  Mars isn’t far away enough.

ANYWAY, according to this,  Heidi is super upset with Spencer because he has plans to write a tell-all book about her.  Well, as super upset as someone can be when they no longer have the ability to use Actual Facial Expressions.

Here’s what I find hilarious about this.  First of all, this assumes that Spencer Pratt can write, which is absurd.  I doubt the guy can even spell the word “douchebag” despite how much of one he is. Secondly, there is nothing left to tell about Heidi Montag, considering that she reports basically everything she ever does EVER to the press.  We’re talking about the most publicity-hungry couple in the history of the world here.

But just for old times’ sake, here’s my all-time favorite photo of Heidi, taken back in the day when she still had use of her face:

This Is What It Looks Like When Heidi Montag’s Fake Face Cries

I know it’s wrong that looking at this photo gives me the glees.  I mean, it’s evil to find glee in another person’s suffering.  But I can’t help it, you guys.  There are rumors that she and her psychotic beast of a husband, Spencer, are parting ways.  And I justify my glee by simply pointing out that a relationship – as twisted and wack as theirs – coming to an end is good for the WORLD.

So feel free to have the glees, mockdockers.  Consider it good karma for the world.

Spencer Pratt Produces Stuff

This is apparently a new series being produced by that horrific waste of skin, Spencer Pratt, and it’s Actually Called “Fist Pumping for Love.” And this is the trailer for it.

I’d love to tell you what it’s about, but as you’ll see from the trailer, it’s about nothing. And it’s not about nothing in the good way, like Seinfeld was; it’s about nothing in the bad way – whereby if you’re given the option of watching it or, say, watching paint dry, it’s a no brainer. You’re going for the paint.

What I do know, from watching the trailer, is that I despise the main character with the fury of a million suns.

Forgive Me, Mockdockers. For What I Am About To Say Is Sinful.

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I actually giggled, in a non-contemptuous way, at Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt’s Halloween get-ups.  I mean, it’s totally un-original, because even I was waiting on a Kate Gosselin wig to use for work tomorrow but couldn’t find it in time.  But there is something about this photo that is positively hilarious.  I mean, the horrible t-shirt, and the doll babies – all of it.  It totally gives me the glees.

But no worries, I’ll go back to totally hating the holy hell out of them in about a half hour or so.  This too shall pass.

Sweet Sweet Justice

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Hey – remember how that waste of skin Heidi Montag and her Malignant Growth of a Husband Spencer Pratt are going to be on that stupid celebrity reality show where they have to hang out in the jungle of Costa Rica a la Survivor?  Well, it’s day two of filming, and they wanna go home.  Apparently, they weren’t aware that “jungle” doesn’t mean “five star hotel.”

But none of that really matters anyway because LOOK at how awesome that picture of her is.  Is it wrong that looking at her sobbing literally makes me quiver with happiness?

This has been the best day ever.

Calling All Crazy People!

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Guess what!  Spencer Pratt, who I think we can all agree is quite possibly one of the worst people ever, has announced a new marketing scheme for selling his wife’s “music.”

According to this, doucheboy released his phone number the other day to his Twitter account, which, if you actually called it, went directly to a recorded message which said this:  

“If you buy 100 (downloads of Heidi’s music), then I will deliver 100 pizzas to your house- hand delivered! Heidi will come.  We’ll watch a DVD!” 

Wouldn’t it be kind of awesome if whoever “wins” this “contest” is a total psycho? I mean, I realize that sort of goes without saying, but what I mean is that it would be great if it was a super scary person who would completely creep them out and make them fearful for their lives, and then the scary person could tell them that if they EVER appear in public again or release any “music”, then horrible things will happen to them, and the scary person will be SO scary that Heidi and Spencer will believe it and will move to Cuba.

We need to get some serious psychos to start buying up Heidi’s crap so that this will happen.

This Photograph Exists, And Yet, The Planet Has Not Imploded.

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How does this happen?  How do 3 of the most despicable people EVER get photographed together and not cause some sort of planetary collapse?

Remember a while back when I told you that Blago was going to be on that moronic reality show?  Well, it’s really happening, and he’s going to be costarring with Spencer McDouchebag and his Skank (pictured), Janice Dickinson, and freaking SANJAYA of all people.

And yet here we are, continuing to exist as a species.  As if it’s all perfectly ok.

HATE.

Who Buys This Crap?

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Speak now, mockdockers.  Do you know of ANYONE who has voluntarily purchased ANYTHING that in any way represents Heidi Montag?  I want to know this.  Because I personally cannot conceive of a person who would do such a thing. 

Her retarded douchebag of a boyfriend filmed this “preview” of her new single.  Happy Easter.

A Girl Can Dream, Right?

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You guys know how much I loathe these two parasites, and I hate even giving them attention, but I had to post this photo because when I saw it, I had all these visions about different items I would love to shove into their stupid, gaping, open mouths.

Look at their soulless, vacant, moronic faces.  Is there anyone more punchworthy than these two?

Please Forgive Me…

…for what you are about to see will make you want to vomit for the next 7 straight days.

Continue reading ‘Please Forgive Me…’

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