Tag Archive for 'Sean Penn'

Sean Penn Has Never Looked Better

Sean Penn is busying himself starring in This Must Be The Place, a movie in which he plays Robert Smith of The Cure.

ONLY HE IS NOT PLAYING ROBERT SMITH OF THE CURE.

I know. It was confusing to me too. He’s actually playing an “aging rock star” who has nothing to do with Robert Smith of The Cure, but who inexplicably and nevertheless looks exactly like Robert Smith of The Cure.

BEHOLD Robert Smith of The Cure:

See? Freaky.

I think Sean should keep this look, so that I can continue to mock him for it ad infinitum.

Weirdest. Dream. EVER.

I rarely remember my dreams, so when I do, I always like to either tell someone or write it down, because it’s usually the most bizarre dream ever.  And this morning, I woke up in the middle of a real doozy.

I was standing in a room full of celebrities, including Sean Penn, Meryl Streep, and Kathleen Turner.  I’m pretty sure that the Sean Penn thing was due to Daisy posting about him at our other site yesterday. But I have no idea where Meryl Streep and Kathleen Turner would come from.

Anyway, for some reason, it turned out that Sean Penn and Meryl Streep were married in my dream.  And I was super good friends with Meryl.  And on a huge table in the  middle of the room, Meryl picked up a bottle of perfume, showed it to Sean, and said, “What is this?”  And all of a sudden, Sean launched into a ridiculous explanation about how it was a prop for a movie, but in the dream, I was CERTAIN it was clear evidence that he was cheating on Meryl.  So I interrupted him, stood in front of Meryl, all protective-like, and said, “Sean – look.  You’re an awesome actor in all of your films, but the display you’re putting on right now is the WORST ACTING EVER.  I know you’re cheating on Meryl.”  And Sean Penn turned bright red, and Meryl started to cry, and I said to Sean, “You do NOT f*ck with my friends, you jerk.”

And out of nowhere, Kathleen Turner lunged at me and we both fell to the floor, and she started hitting me, and then she spat in my face.

And that’s when I woke up.

Mockdockers, begin your analysis.  What in the holy hell does this all mean?

Gawd.

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Sean Penn has decided to cancel his divorce plans from Robin Wright.  AGAIN.  They probably should just separate, and stop filing for divorce already, because this makes them look like total idiots.

Then again, this is Sean Penn we’re talking about.  So I suppose that comes with the territory.

But you guys, it’s only 1/2 and hour into SYTYCD and it is already the best season ever.  I can tell.  I love this show so much, that it almost makes it easier to tolerate Sean Penn.

ALMOST.

Did You Expect Anything Else?

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Sean Penn and Robin Wright Penn are separated again.   Because he’s Sean Penn.  I have no idea how Robin managed to spend 13 years with that dillweed.

We’re headed back home from Chicago now!  If I make it home at a reasonable time, and am not totally exhausted from the pure joy that was this trip, I will recap the Britney show later tonight.  Because I know you guys have been waiting at the edge of your laptops for that, unable to focus on anything in your regular lives, breathless with anticipation for the Britney Concert Update.

Patience, my friends.

Celebricrap That’s Going On

There’s all sorts of ridiculous celebrity nonsense being reported all over the internets today.  It’s all so stupid and boring and uninteresting that I can’t even be bothered to post it all separately, but felt obligated to fill you in.  So here’s the scoop in a nutshell:

1.  Madonna is going to adopt another kid from Malawi.  You almost have to wonder who’s worse off – a kid growing up in Malawi or a kid growing up with Madonna.  I think it’s kind of a toss-up.

2.  Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz might be having marital trouble.  They also might not be.  You almost have to wonder who’s worse off – Ashlee for being married to Emo-Douche or Emo-Douche for being married to Ashlee or us for having to hear about any of it.

3.  Sean Penn and Natalie Portman were allegedly caught making out at some hotel.  Actually, I believe in paparazzi terms they were “canoodling.”  Do you guys hate that word as much as I do?

4.  That 12 year old who supposedly fathered a baby with that freakish girl who towers over him?  Yeah.  He’s not the father after all, according to DNA tests.  Which is a relief and all, but it still doesn’t stop the fact that someone SLEPT WITH THAT GIRL.

I’m sure there’s more, but I am too mortified by Megan Joy not being kicked off American Idol tonight to care, so here’s the rump of a baby elephant.

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Inconceivable!!

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Sean Penn finally went and drove the Princess Bride to her limit.  The couple, who has kids named Dylan and HOPPER, for pete’s sake, are splitting after 11 years of marriage.  I don’t know how she lasted as long as she did.

Reese Witherspoon Should Be a Shining Example to All of Hollywood

Reese was quoted in the AP saying, “I have a real aversion to talking about my own personal politics just because I feel the influence sometimes, I see the influence of celebrity on our culture. And to think that my opinion is any more informed than anyone else’s or taken as thus is erroneous. I’m just like everybody else. I’m learning, reading, I’m trying to figure it out.”

She is officially on my list of girl crushes.  Sean Penn, Tim Robbins, Rosie O’Donnell, Ashley Judd, and all the other big-mouthed celebrities who insist on shoving their politics down everyones’ throats can suck it.

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