Tag Archive for 'Salma Hayek'

Salma Hayek Needs To Calm. The Freak. DOWN.

Look. I get being afraid of snakes. I’m afraid of snakes. But her reaction to this snake is like the most out of control over the top reaction ever. And how about instead of nearly stabbing the person next to you with your stilettos, you take off your shoes and just, you know, RUN.

Salma, you disappoint me. First you’re best friends with Ashley Judd, and now you’re a drama queen about snakes.

Not cool.

Salma Hayek’s Daughter

Look at Salma with her husband and daughter.  How adorable are they?

Still, she’s best friends with Ashley Judd and that is inexplicable and wrong and unforgiveable.  But I just wanted you to see that I could still be open minded enough to admit how adorable her family is.

See how mature I am?

The Giant Pearls Are Back

You remember the pearls, right? They look like something you’d get as a free prize for sending in 100 proofs of purchase barcodes from barbie doll boxes.  I am not a fan, but admittedly perhaps I would be if they were around the neck of anyone else in the world besides Ashley Judd.  Then again, no – I really do just think they’re ugly. 

Thanks for bearing with me while I worked through that internal conflict.

Anyway, you might have heard that Salma Hayek and her billionaire got married (again) in an actual wedding this weekend.  They’d already made things official back in February, but Salma wanted the kind of wedding that only a billionaire could give her, so she flew all of her best pals in to Venice for the big production.  Ashley was one of those guests, and she wore the big giant pearls.

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And I know some of you may be thinking, “You know what, Mock?  They really aren’t that bad.  I mean, yeah – they’re big and all, but maybe you’re being too hard on Ashley’s fashion choices.”

And to that I say, LOOK what she wore to the rehearsal dinner.

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I rest my case.

P.S.  You know what?  One of the search tags I’m going to add to this post will be “giant pearl necklace.”  Because it’d be kind of hilarious for the pervs to show up here and be all disappointed that it’s about an actual pearl necklace.   Sorry, pervs!

Sometimes Multi-Tasking Is A Bad Idea

An alert and astute mockdocker sent me an AP article about an Ohio woman who has just been charged with child endangerment because (thankfully) an alert and astute motorist saw that she was both talking on the phone and BREASTFEEDING A CHILD while driving, and called the police.

Yeah.  But see, Genine Compton, 39, had a really good explanation.  She didn’t want to let her child go hungry.  This is what she told the cop.  The kid was hungry.

I don’t understand how cops can resist punching people in the face when they hear crap like this.  Apparently Genine actually thought she was being pulled over for breastfeeding in public.  She didn’t get that there was anything remotely wrong or dangerous about driving at speed with a child drinking from your breastular area.   While on the phone.

The worst that can happen to her is 180 days in jail and an $1,800 fine if she’s convicted of the misdemeanor.  I think her child should be given to Salma Hayek, who is obviously capable of filling in while Genine serves time.

Salma Hayek Married The Billionaire

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According to this, Salma Hayek married her bazillionaire on-again, off-again boyfriend this past weekend in Paris.  I bet it was that whole story about Salma’s boobs feeding starving children thing that finally convinced him that she was a keeper.  You can hardly blame him – they are spectacular.

Salma Hayek’s Boobs Are Miraculous

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Recently, while on a UNICEF trip to Sierra Leone, Salma Hayek breastfed a starving baby whose mother was not producing milk.  There is video here.

So not only are they spectacular, they actually save lives.

P.S.  This was posted mostly for Mr. Mock, who glared at me and shook his head disapprovingly after I posted the most recent picture of David Beckham.   You’re welcome, honey. 🙂

Golden Globes

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I love award shows, but the Golden Globes are by far my favorite.  And as you might expect, I have many many opinions on everything related to the Globes of tonight.

After the jump, behold my observations, in no particular order. Continue reading ‘Golden Globes’

You Know What I Think Is Kind Of Adorable?

So I sent this movie trailer to Bunny and Dame the other day, since their husbands are firefighters and all, and warned them that it looked like a total sapped out cry-fest, and they pretty much agreed that they won’t see it and that it overdramatizes the typical day-in-the-life of a firefighter, because while firefighters are heroic and save lives, they also spend a majority of their time hanging out in the firehouse and eating. This movie clip makes it look like there is a super dangerous fire-oriented situation, which the same firehouse has to respond to, approximately every 3 minutes.

ANYWAY, back to what I think is kind of adorable. So Kirk Cameron stars in this movie, and you might remember him from Growing Pains if you’re as old as I am, and you might also remember that he married his co-star on the show, that really pretty chick, Chelsea Noble, and they have been married for 17 years now and have 6 kids (4 of which are adopted). Kirk Cameron is also a big-time Christian and has an evangelical ministry and likes to talk about Jesus whenever even remotely possible. BUT LISTEN – because he takes his faith and his marriage vows so seriously, he refuses to kiss another woman, other than his wife, even when he is on the job acting (according to msnbc.com).

SO, for this movie, they apparently filmed any and all kissing scenes between him and his costar in silhouette, so that his ACTUAL wife could step in and it would still look like his onscreen wife.

Part of me thinks….wow, that’s kind of over the top. But then there’s this other part of me that thinks it’s TOTALLY PRECIOUS. If Mr. Mock was an actor, I know I’d have a hard time watching him make out or simulate relations of a sexual nature with someone else. I would imagine that we might have the following conversation:

ME: I can’t believe you made out with Salma Hayek.

Mr. Mock: Mock – it’s my JOB. It doesn’t mean anything. It’s just a role I’m playing.

ME: But you guys are totally into each other.

Mr. Mock: It just LOOKS that way, and I actually take that as a compliment, because it means I’m acting well.

ME: I’m going to go ahead and need you to be a worse actor then.

SALMA: Mock – your husband is SO HOT.

MOCK: (Punches Salma Hayek square in the face)

See, I just don’t see any possible way that it would work. I actually have NO IDEA how actors’ spouses manage this on a regular basis. Could you deal with that? Really. Be honest. And if you could, HOW could you? HOW?

Anyway, I think it’s kind of adorable that Kirk Cameron insisted on his wife standing in for all the kissy scenes. LOVE.

Never Saw This Coming

KIDDING.

I totally saw this coming.  Salma Hayek (who by the way is like best best friends with Ashley Judd, who as you all know I HATE and given that Salma is friends with her means that something intrinsically HAS to be wrong with her which means that I am really not a fan of hers either) has called off her engagement to one of the richest dudes ever, that Pinault guy she had a kid with.

I am of the opinion that whole relationship was really just about sperm and money.  Salma doesn’t need a man.  She just needed manseed and the assurance that the resulting spawn would be well cared for.

Well played, Salma.  Well played.

You Know Who Has Really Fat Legs?

Salma Hayek’s kid.  As a mom of really skinny babies, this just looks completely foreign to me.  I mean, I know babies are supposed to have rolls, but holy crap!

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