Tag Archive for 'Rumer Willis'

Golden Globes

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I love award shows, but the Golden Globes are by far my favorite.  And as you might expect, I have many many opinions on everything related to the Globes of tonight.

After the jump, behold my observations, in no particular order. Continue reading ‘Golden Globes’

Marilyn Manson Is A Freak

I have always always always hated Marilyn Manson. I hate those creepy contacts he wears, and I hate his stupid fat red lips, and I hate his disgusting gothiness.  But you know who he looks like in this picture?  The goth version of Napoleon Dynamite.  And his new girlfriend looks like someone took Rumer Willis and Jennifer Love Hewitt and fused them together and then gothified the resulting person.

HATE.

Adam Sandler – LOVE.

Adam Sandler’s wife, who is expecting their second child this year, has had trouble with morning sickness, and Adam noticed that their daughter seemed concerned about her mommy being ill. So this is how he explained it to her:

“Mommy’s not like bad sick. She just has something growing in her that’s eventually gonna shoot out her vagina and take half your toys.”

How great is that?  I love him.  I do feel bad for his kid looking so much like him, though.  I mean, if she was a boy, it’d be all right.  But I suspect she’s going to be the next Rumer Willis.

Rocky and Rumer

 

An alert and astute mockdocker sent us an email to inform us that there is a striking resemblance between Rumer Willis and Rocky Dennis (played by Eric Stoltz) from The Mask.  I can sorta see it.

What’s weird about this though, is that it’s the 2nd time this week that the movie The Mask has surfaced as a topic of discussion.  The first time was this past Friday, when I got a text message from Mr. Mock, who had the day off, and it read as follows:

“Do I have to turn in my mancard if I get weepy at the end of The Mask?”

I responded to him that if you don’t get weepy at the end of The Mask, you’re officially not eligible to be classified as a human being.  And let’s be clear here…this is not the Jim Carrey/Cameron Diaz movie.  This is the CHER and Sam Elliott movie.  And it’s one of the saddest sapped-out movies ever.  It’s also incontrovertible proof that Cher should ONLY be an actress, and not perform on stage ever.  Her singing voice has always made me question her gender, but holy crap that woman can act.

Anyway, it’s an awesome movie.  And Sam Elliott is a total badass in it.  And there is this dopey fat friend-of-the-family or cousin or something who has a horrible stutter and doesn’t ever speak until this one particular scene where he tells Rocky he’s proud of him and I am telling you that if you do not cry at that scene, you have NO HEART.

So anyway, the point of this post is that Mr. Mock is all heart, and that Rumer Willis has Rocky Dennis’ jawline.

Seriously.

I know it’s mean, but every time I see a picture of Rumer Willis, I am just dumbfounded by her face.  I have never seen smaller features on a bigger face EVER.  And whenever I see a picture, I literally just sit and stare at it, unable to peel my eyes away, struggling to make sense of what I’m seeing. 

That’s just it.  Her face makes no sense.  It defies logic.  Human faces just don’t look like this.  It’s like she’s just had her wisdom teeth pulled AND she’s got the mumps AND she’s been punched in the jaw – all at the same time.

There’s a Rumer Going Around That Hair Extensions Enhance Your Beauty

These do NOTHING to help Rumer Willis’ appearance.  The only thing I can think of that would possibly help is a new jaw.

 

Help Me Understand

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Please explain to me why Rumer Willis is relevant enough to warrant a photo shoot.

Separated At Birth?

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It’s not just me, right?  You can see the resemblance too?  Put a black wig on that alien and you’ve got yourselves identical twins.

Is There Some Sort of Convention in Town?

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Some kind of pigeon-toe phenomenon is taking over Hollywood.  First Katie Holmes, and now Rumer Willis.  Is there no end to this madness??

Rumer’s Going to Pass Out Awards

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I read somewhere that Rumer Willis, daughter of Demi Moore and Bruce Willis, was going to be Miss Golden Globe this year, which is an “honor” bestowed on pretty daughters of celebrities and which basically means that she’ll have to wear a gown and pass out the awards.

But I’m really confused because right under that headline was a picture of this dude.

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