Generally, I have very little tolerance for the women from The View. But when Whoopi and Babs humiliate and embarrass Paris Hilton?
LOVE.
I mean, it’s to the point that I almost feel bad for Paris, because they totally gang up on her, but then I remember that I really don’t like Paris, and that she’s a skillionaire who drives pink cars and carries dogs in purses, and my sympathy disappears.
Hey – you know how Paris Hilton is trying to claim that the purse she got busted with the other night, which had cocaine in it, wasn’t hers?
Well, apparently it was the same purse which she took a picture of several weeks ago and tweeted that she was all excited to have just purchased:
Oops.
But you know what? None of that really matters because LOOK AT HER THUMB. That is one of the oddest looking thumbs I have ever seen. It’s like a giant apostrophe.
According to this, the cop who arrested Paris for drug possession stopped the Escalade she was riding it because of the “the strong odor of marijuana coming from the vehicle.” Once she was asked to get out of the car, she asked the cop if she could go to the bathroom (this happened in front of the Wynn hotel which is where Mr. Mock and I are staying in October and I am SO ANNOYED she couldn’t have waited to do this until then when I could have seen it in person). Then, she told the cop she needed her lip gloss, and when the cop went to hand her the purse, a baggie fell out and right into his hands. A baggie filled with cocaine. And some joint-rolling wrappers. And an albuterol tablet. The albuterol was the only thing Paris claimed as her own. She said the coke and the PURSE weren’t hers – that she’d borrowed them from a friend. And according to this cop, when he asked her about the cocaine, she said, and I’m not making this up, that SHE THOUGHT IT WAS GUM.
Let’s review.
Gum:
Cocaine:
The thing is, Paris is either the dumbest chick ever for not knowing the difference between gum and cocaine, or she’s the dumbest chick ever for assuming that saying she thought a bag of cocaine was gum would actually fly with the cop.
Either way. This chick is a moron. And she’s probably going to jail, in which case we can look forward to more photos that look like this:
…that as far as mugshots go, this one’s pretty awesome:
In case you hadn’t heard, Paris Hilton was arrested last night for cocaine possession. She hired a big fancy lawyer and sprung out of jail without bond, and says the purse the cocaine was in isn’t hers.
Isn’t this like the third time that’s happened in the past couple of months?
Anyway, her mugshot is actually really pretty. Since this is her third one, she’s had some practice.
Remember a couple of days ago I told you that I had a dream that Paris Hilton took my job? And it was really weird because the press has basically ignored her for months? Well, she’s baaaaaaack.
According to this, Paris is not only back, but her head is bigger than ever. She and Doug Reinhardt recently broke up, and she said, “A lot of guys have obviously hit on me and I am getting thousands of calls, but I’m not ready to be with anyone. Maybe in six months or a year but, right now, I’m just too busy for a relationship.”
She’s getting THOUSANDS of calls, you guys. Thousands.
It always amuses me when Paris Hilton claims to be “busy.” As if her life involves anything more than being pampered and driving around in pink Bentley’s. You wanna know what busy is? Busy is Mr. Mock, who just finished a solid 36 hour shift. My husband worked for 36 straight hours, you guys. THAT is busy.
And so this evening, we are going out for a nice meal. He deserves steak tonight. I just hope he doesn’t fall asleep while he’s eating it.
I totally forgot to tell you guys about the crazy dream I had the night before last.
You may recall that my regular day job is in Human Resources, with a concentration on benefits administration. Right now you’re probably like, “I don’t care what your day job is – just get to the Paris Hilton stuff.” But you need to know that for this dream to make sense. Although, “make sense” is the last thing in the world that this dream does.
ANYWAY.
In my dream, Paris Hilton and I were friends. Unfortunately, I didn’t get to dream a whole lot about myself going to fabulous parties or events or meeting fabulous people. Even my DREAMS won’t let me enjoy the fruits of fame. BUT, Paris and I hung out at the pool a lot in my dream, and we did girly things like get our nails done, and we also hung out with people that I currently work with.
And then one day, Paris informs me that my CFO is going to be firing me and replacing me with her. She’s as dumb as a box of rocks, so it doesn’t occur to her that this news might be upsetting to me. But I’m indeed upset, and I go to my CFO to demand an explanation. I don’t really remember what he said, but I did dream that he insisted that in order to receive any severance pay, I’d have to come in and help train Paris to do my job.
So the next day, Paris and I go to my CFO’s office to start training. And she sits down, and puts on her dumbest, happiest face, and says, “Ummm – what are benefits?”
And that is when I woke up.
Dream interpreters – have at it.
And who better to create one than alert and astute mockdockers? You guys have at it. All I can tell you is that it’s Paris Hilton, but I don’t know where she is or why she’s showing us her assular area. I also can’t tell you if she’s pointed towards Mecca.
Make me proud, you guys.
Only Paris would sultrify a photo session with a pig.
That’s her pet pig, by the way. “Miss Piglette.” And apparently, Paris and her boyfriend Doug Reinhardt cuddle with the pig in their bed at night.
Eeew.
This is the most brilliant advertising for billboard space EVER.
BUT, alas, Paris is not amused. According to this, there’s going to be lawsuits and there’s all sorts of outrage, blah blah blah.
The point is though, it’s accurate. She’s going to have a tough time proving otherwise, since she basically proves the message of the billboard by simply opening her mouth.
LOVE.
According to this, Paris Hilton is getting a miniature piglet. Because of COURSE she is. She doesn’t have nearly enough animals to carry around in $5000 purses.
I wonder what it pays to be an animal caretaker for Paris Hilton.
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