Tag Archive for 'panda express'

Panda Express And Bambang

Remember a long time ago when I posted about the overzealous Panda Express Lady?  Well, she has not been at the Panda Express in several months.  I don’t know what happened to her, because seriously – why would I?  But Dame and I went to Panda today, and I realized that I actually miss her.  The Panda people there now aren’t nearly as excited to see me.  In fact, I’d go so far as to say that they’re NOT excited to see me.

You know what I hate? I hate that the way our Panda is set up, you order your food at one end of an assembly line type of counter, and you get your food pretty much right at that same end that you order, but then what happens is that you have to wait forEVER for all the people ahead of you to make it down the line to the cash register.  And then by the time you pay, your food is not all that hot and steamy anymore.

Mr. Mock will attest that I am totally quirky about eating hot food.  It’s one of the reasons that I’m such a fast eater (which I know is bad for you).  It’s because I enjoy food most when it’s, as Mr. Mock would say, “Chernobyl Hot.”  There are actually some foods that, when they cool even only slightly, I actually can no longer eat them.  Mac and Cheese is the perfect example.  If I don’t see steam rising from my Mac and Cheese, I will not eat it.  It has to be PIPING.

Just a little Mockarena factoid I thought you might be interested in.

By the way, the cashier at Panda today?  His name was Bambang.  I am totally not making this up.

Overzealous Salespeople

Alert and astute reader sbarros wrote to me today to ask if we could mock Billy Mays, that obnoxious Oxyclean Mighty Putty Kaboom selling dude who screams at you to buy his stuff on various informercials.  And I got to thinking about how there are actually lots of people like Billy Mays. Do you guys remember bald, blonde, Stop The Insanity Susan Powter?  Or Tony Little – that Gazelle guy with the ridiculous permed pony tail?  These are people who force their personalities on you in such a way that you feel ill equipped to even listen to them without the benefit of some sort of firearm close by.  They are that overwhelming.  We have a term for people like this.

Emotional Rapists.

This is a term that Dame, Holmes and I often used to describe one of the employees at a local Panda Express restaurant we frequent.  She was the first person we would see when we walked in, and she was so unnaturally cheerful, so enthusiastic about the arrival of customers that she would quite literally ATTACK you with joy.  She would screech, “WELCOME TO PANDA!!!!!” as if it were a battlecry.  She’d be smiling so hard that the corners of her mouth would practically touch her earlobes.  And there was no escaping at that point.  You had no choice but to step forward and place your order, even though all you wanted to do after being subjected to such an onslaught of exuberance was curl up into fetal position and whimper.

We suffered this abuse many many times, because their orange chicken is delicious. 

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