Tag Archive for 'Nicolette Sheridan'

Just How Big IS He?

This is the first question that popped into my mind when I just read that Nicolette Sheridan is now dating David Spade.  This picture adds to the intrigue.  First he dated Heather Locklear, then impregnated some Playboy centerfold, and now he’s with Nicolette, and by most standards, he’s one of the scrawniest, creepiest,  ickiest looking men ever.

I think we all know what’s going on here.

I Continue To Be Envious Of Nicolette Sheridan’s Body. Just FYI.

Face? Not so much.  But wow. At the risk of sounding like I might be switching teams, Nicolette’s assular area is spectacular.

Remember?

Remember a couple weeks ago when I posted that picture of Nicolette Sheridan looking completely and utterly amazing in a bikini?  You know – the picture that puts most 25 year olds to shame?  And remember how I was all, “Yeah – I’d love her body but would like to just go ahead and keep my own headular and face-ular areas?”

An alert and astute mockdocker validated my feelings on this matter, by sending me the photo below.  See, this is a perfect example of why I love you guys.  Because you send me stuff like this.  Mockdockers ROCK.

Jea- To The -Lous

Jealous, in case you guys weren’t hip enough to see that I was Black-Eye Pea-ifying my subject line. In case you weren’t picking up what I was laying down.  In case you weren’t DOWN.  It’s hard to be as hip as I am, I know.

Jealous is what I am of Nicolette Sheridan for looking like that at age 44.  And it’s not jealousy of her face, because to me, her face has always looked super old and worn out.  But her body is INSANE.  LOOK at it.  It makes me want to unscrew my head from my shoulderular area and then unscrew HER head from her shoulderular area and then just sort of switch.  She can have my twice c-sectioned tummy, and I will have, well, THAT, only I’ll still mostly be me, what with it still being my face and all.

Of course, I need to come up with some sort of actual plan to accomplish this without her knowing about it and having time to object.  See the “send us tips” thingy at the top of the page?  This is the time to use it, people.

Michael Bolton is Frisky

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Michael Bolton was seen frolicking around on the beach with fiancee Nicolette Sheridan. Although I’m not sure if you can actually classify this as frolicking.  It’s more like soft core porn.  The thing that makes me giggle the most about this picture is that Ashley Judd used to date him.  Which means that Dario gets MICHAEL BOLTON’S sloppy seconds.  Nice work, Dario!

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Shown below is Dario coming to the realization that he got Michael Bolton’s sloppy seconds.  And Ashley being horrified that someone has told him.

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