Tag Archive for 'Madonna'

DO NOT Give Madonna Hydrangeas.

She “absolutely loathes” them, you see. THE NERVE of that person handing her a beautiful flower.

There Comes A Point In A Woman’s Life…

…when she is too old to wear dresses that have slits all the way up to the crotchular area, regardless of how well she maintains her figure.

Madonna, thy time has passed.  Please stop showing so much of yourself.

Thank you.

Madonna Looks…Um…

BAD.

Probably time to just give up on the Botox.  It’s not helping.

Eeew.

Madonna’s sort of in revival mode right now – what with Jane Lynch’s Vogue in the post below, and the entire Glee songbook being all Madonna-ified in next week’s episode.  But if there is anything about Madonna that does NOT need to be glorified or replicated in any way, it’s her arms.

Sarah Jessica Parker – please. I’m begging you.  Do not do this to yourself.  Put a little meat on those arms.

And for God’s sake -that waist doesn’t even look HUMAN anymore.

Madonna Is Beginning To Resemble Her Actual Age

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Despite obvious surgical attempts to look otherwise, Madonna is looking 50ish. There’s pretty much no getting around it anymore.  She’s got that tell-tale look of puffiness that you get when you go batcrap crazy over collagen and botox and other fillers.   Plus, the horrid Cruella de Ville coat isn’t helping matters any.

I don’t know if I’ve ever told you about my eye problem (how’s that for a fluid transition to a new topic?)  But you’ll see how it connects in a second.  I have these super super duper low eyebrows.  They are so low, that my eyelashes nearly touch them.  And the outside corners sort of turn down, like eyebrows do, but mine do it even more than normal, and what’s sloooooowly starting to happen is that I’m losing peripheral vision.  It’s kind of inevitable that I’ll need to get that fixed at some point – maybe 5-10 years from now.  And apparently the only way to do that is with an eyebrow lift, which gives me the heebies.  But it’s either heebies and full range of sight, or no heebies and side blindness.  So you see my dilemma.

Anyway, I tell you all that because I want you to be prepared for the day that I tell you I need an eyebrow lift, so that you don’t go all judgmental on me and assume I’m only doing it because I want to look like Madonna or something.  I’m going to do it so I can, you know, continue to SEE and stuff.

BUT, if I EVER EVER EVER suggest to you that I want any kind of filler or crap in my face that’s purely cosmetic, I want you to stop me.  Aging kind of sucks, and wrinkles suck, but I don’t want to turn into one of those women who LOOKS like they’ve had botox or filler or other crap injected into their face.  That is the WORST.

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Worst. SNL Segment. EVER.

Lady Gaga and Madonna “performed” together on SNL yesterday in a skit, and it could be the worst thing I’ve ever seen ever. I would tell you to just not watch it, but I know that’ll just entice you to watch it, after which you’re probably going to be mad at me for even posting it in the first place.

But I had to, because it’s like SURPRISINGLY bad. I didn’t expect good, but I didn’t expect this level of wretchedness. If it had at least been slightly funny, then you could almost give it a pass. But it’s not. You’ll see.

Botox

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Daisy and I were discussing Botox earlier today, what with us aging and all.  When you get to your late 30s and early 40s, you notice stuff like wrinkles and lines and other stuff on your face that has no business being there, because that stuff belongs on old people.  And we don’t FEEL old.

Anyway, I get the appeal of Botox and fillers and all the other stuff that people do to themselves to get youngified.

But you know what I’ve decided about Botox and Botox related products?  All they really do is make you look like you’ve had Botox.  I mean, does Madonna’s skin look smooth and wrinkle-free?  Yes.  Does she look younger?  No – she looks like she’s about 50 with a really good Botox job.

I think I’ll just age gracefully.

Actually, scratch that.  I think I’ll just age NATURALLY, but with absolutely no grace.

Lady Gaga Will NOT Be Outdone

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Madonna can have her cone bras and Janet Jackson can have her nipple shields.  Lady Gaga was obviously determined to outdo both of them and anyone else who’s ever worn an unusual boobular contraption, by having HER boobular contraption explode into fireballs while she was performing.

That’s bold you guys.  Ya gotta give her that.

Oh, COME ON!!

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This is just too easy.

Behold:  Madonna, wearing what appears to be a partially deflated balloon animal on her head.

If Madonna needs a new outfit for later this week, I know where she could get some more kickass balloons.

Baby Fight!

Love.

Thanks to Daisy for the tip!

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