Tag Archive for 'Lindsay Lohan'

Ohhhh. So THIS Is What People Mean When They Say, “Blind Leading The Blind.”

You guys, Charlie Sheen called into a radio show today to OFFER ADVICE TO LINDSAY LOHAN.

This is what he said (emphasis mine because HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!),”I have some things I think she should consider, cause I don’t tell anybody what to do. Work on your impulse control … just try and think things through a little bit before you do them.”

I’ll wait right here while you stop giggling.

If you want even more giggles, check out the audio of even more delusional Sheentasticness after the jump.

Continue reading ‘Ohhhh. So THIS Is What People Mean When They Say, “Blind Leading The Blind.”’

Dina Lohan Is Ridiculous.

According to this, Lindsay Lohan’s mom is SUING the tv show Glee for making fun of Lindsay.

I am not making this up.

The episode in question featured Gwyneth Paltrow as a substitute teacher in the highschool teaching Spanish. She said, in Spanish (with subtitles on the bottom of the screen), “Lindsay Lohan is totally crazy, right?” and then, “Please get into groups and discuss how many times Lindsay Lohan has been in rehab.”

And Dina flipped out, lawyered up, and is accusing the show of defamation of character.

Just think about that for a moment. While you ponder, take a little trip down memory lane with Dina and Lindsay:

I don’t know about you all, but I’m thinking Dina and Lindsay have done a fine job of defaming themselves without any assistance from a FREAKING TV SHOW.

GAWD.

Lindsay Lohan’s Lawyer Leaves

I don’t know if you guys all saw the video footage of Lindsay being read her sentence yesterday, but if you missed it, it basically looked like this.  There was a lot of Lindsay crying and looking at her lawyer with this pleading, desperate look on her face, and her lawyer totally ignoring her and writing a lot of stuff on a piece of paper.  It was hilarious.

And apparently, as of today, her lawyer is no longer representing her.  I said to Mr. Mock yesterday when we saw this whole thing unfold on the news, “Ooo.  Her lawyer is so fired.”  But I’m not sure she was fired.  I’m inclined to now think that she finally realized her client is a wackjob, and she wanted out.

Either way though, Lindsay Lohan is lawyerless.

Following In Paris’ Footsteps

Lindsay Lohan is heading to jail for violating her probation. Listen to what a complete dumbass she is. She thought she could miss NINE alcohol education classes, because she was, you know, trying to BALANCE HER WORK LIFE.

She said, “As far as I knew I was being compliant with my program. When I would ask to leave town they would give me permission.  I wasn’t expecting any special treatment except that I have to provide for myself and they were willing to work with me.”

Hey Linds – asking to leave town and asking to miss nine mandatory education classes?  NOT THE SAME THING.

Celebrities are dumb.

The good news is that Lindsay already spent 84 minutes in jail back in 2007 for a cocaine charge , so this won’t be a shock to her system.

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Perhaps I shouldn’t laugh at violence.  But here’s the thing.  Lindsay Lohan is obviously not seriously hurt, or else she wouldn’t have been able to tweet that she got punched by a random waitress.  In the face.  ON HER BIRTHDAY.

US Weekly reports that Lindsay was hanging out with Doug Reinhardt (because apparently that’s a job requirement for worthless 20-something, vapid Hollywood celebrity women), and the waitress “has a history” with Doug.  So she did what any normal, sane, rational, reasonable woman with a history with Doug would do.  She punched Lindsay square in the face.

I don’t know if I buy this story.  I tend to think that the waitress got some kind of signal from the universe which indicated to her that most of the earth’s population wouldn’t mind punching Lindsay Lohan in the face, and she just went with it.

Either way, this totally gives me the glees.  But let me assure you that if Lindsay was Actually Injured I’d feel bad for making fun.*

*maybe

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Speaking of Lindsay Lohan…

BEHOLD: Lindsay in a desperate attempt to seem normal and happy and substance-free.

I don’t buy it for a second. She looks strung out and belligerent in the interview.

Lindsay Lohan In The Role Of A Lifetime

The Captain sent me and Daisy this link the other day, along with the following message:

It’s been almost 24 hours since my long-time mistress, Lindsay Lohan, announced that she is playing porn star Linda Lovelace (of “Deep Throat” fame) in an upcoming movie, and we don’t have a single post?

Whose running these sites?  Janet Napolitano?

Clearly, this news is better suited for The Mock Dock.

And clearly, this role of Lindsay’s will require the Least. Amount. Of Actual Acting. EVER.

I Officially Hate Lindsay Lohan

Those of you who have been around awhile might know me well enough to know that I get REALLY PISSY about frivolous lawsuits.  I hate them.  And I hate lawyers who perpetuate them.

In the latest frivolous lawsuit news, Lindsay Lohan is suing e-trade for ONE HUNDRED MILLION DOLLARS due to her pain and suffering over the following ad:

I’m not making this up. You can read all about it right here. To summarize, Lindsay Lohan says that she has “the same single-name recognition as Oprah or Madonna.”

My my my. SOMEONE thinks an awful lot of themselves, doesn’t someone?

Lindsay’s lawyer went on, “They used the name Lindsay. They’re using her name as a parody of her life. Why didn’t they use the name Susan? This is a subliminal message. Everybody’s talking about it and saying it’s Lindsay Lohan.”

So wait. If they would have used the name “Susan” wouldn’t we have to deal with a Susan Sarandon lawsuit or a Susan Lucci lawsuit or a Susan Boyle lawsuit? I mean, are they SERIOUS?!?!?

Lindsay just happens to be number 253 of the most popular girl names of the last decade. So this whole argument is kind of the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard ever.

I get that Lindsay Lohan is really stupid and/or under the influence of a controlled substance at any given time and therefore probably may not even realize her lawyer is filing this suit, but still.

HATE.

Who Knew?

Lindsay Lohan’s a hoarder. Huh.

She’s also a user of lip collagen, I believe.

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