Tag Archive for 'Katie Holmes'

Are You Sitting Down???

Because if you are, that is exactly what I am doing! We have so much in common.

An alert and astute mockdocker sent me this link, to inform me that Tom Cruise and whatshername are getting a divorce, after 5 years.

I don’t know about you all, but I am in shock and disbelief not the least bit surprised. Any relationship that starts with a crazy Scientologist jumping on Oprah’s couch to declare his love for someone is doomed to failure.

Celebrities. Soooooooooooo predictable.

ATTENTION TOWNSPEOPLE: This Is What Perfect Casting Looks Like

Say what you want about dead-in-the-eyes Katie Holmes, but I cannot fathom a better choice of a person to play Jackie O in a movie.  And Greg Kinnear as JFK is pretty much brilliance too.

Is there a casting award of some sort for casting people?

I Gotta Say…

…this is Katie Holmes in her Jackie O get-up for some bio-flick, and she is an example of PERFECT CASTING.

Now, whether she can pull off the acting part, I have no idea.  But the look is SPOT ON.

Tony Award Fun

Did you guys watch the Tony Awards last night? Catherine Zeta Jones’ Send In The Clowns was one of the most painful things I have ever witnessed. She looks absolutely rabid through most of it, sounded horrible, and I cannot for the life of me understand why. I LOVED her in Chicago. But this? Yowza. Send In The People Who Can Sing Better, I say.

And then there was this:

I mean, COME ON. Why would the producers of this show, first of all, allow these two to present an award together? They have to be people who really really hate BOTH Katie Holmes AND Harry Potter, because there is no other explanation. But secondly, Katie – WHO DRESSED YOU? Do you not SEE that your boobs don’t fit into that dress, and that it is, in fact, quite possibly the least flattering dress ever made?

GAWD.

Attention Townspeople: I Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Mockery To Say Something Nice.

Katie Holmes looks really pretty.

That is all.

This Caused Me Actual Physical Pain

Katie Holmes should not be allowed to sing, or dance, or appear in public with her husband on stage. Period.

Wow. Lookin’ Good, Kate.

She’s  joking, right?  JORTS WITH BLACK HOSE?

And could her face be more sunken-in?  What in the holy hell?  Even Suri looks mildly embarrassed to be seen with her.

I hope that this was taken on April Fools’ Day.

Today’s News

So I wore the Pajamajeans to work today, you guys.  And they were very well received.  My boss and teammate are both totally buying a pair.  If our VP of Operations were female, I’m pretty sure he’d be buying a pair too.  In fact, he told me to alert him as soon as they make “pajamakhakis.”  I should SO GET paid from the Pajamajean people for promoting their product.

In other news, I’m growing an underground zit right between my eyebrows.  I’m like a cyclops.  It’d probably disappear relatively quickly if I left it alone, but that won’t happen, because I’ve been touching it all day, checking its growth rate, and therefore aggravating it further.  Clearly,  I will never learn.

And in other news, I saw this picture of Katie Holmes and kind of got the sads about it.  If you have ever seen anyone look more dead-in-the-eyes-depressed, please let me know.

I Need To Be Catty For A Minute

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I know you guys aren’t used to me being snarky about celebrities, and that it’s TOTALLY out of character for me, but I need to be able to speak freely for a moment about Katie Holmes’ body.

It’s weird.

I know she can’t help it, but you guys, she has the longest torso EVER.  Like – unusually, bizarrely long.  And it makes her legs look like tree stumps. And you know what exacerbates that?  THOSE HORRIBLE SHOES.

Even her daughter Suri knows that a slight heel elongates the legs, and Suri is three years old.  Could they not share a stylist?

Now, lest you think I’m just horribly mean to celebrities without ever giving them a break, I want to show you someone that looks absolutely perfect:

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Carrie Underwood is FLAWLESS.  See?  I’m not always mean.

BEHOLD

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This is the most life-hating, dead-in-the-eyes expression I have ever seen on a person. 

Katie Holmes must be rescued.

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