Tag Archive for 'John Mayer'

You Know Who’s A Total Jerk?

John Mayer.  I really can’t stand him.  Just look at some of the quotes from his recent interview with Playboy.  He TOTALLY DISHES on his sex life with Jessica Simpson, for crying out loud.  I mean – how completely inappropriate is that?

If there is any certainty to be gleaned from his interview, it’s that no girl in her right mind would ever ever ever marry that a$$clown.  He will, deservedly, grow old alone.  Pathetic and alone.

HATE.

Jennifer Aniston Is Eloquent.

So in a recent interview, Jennifer Aniston had this to say about John Mayer, her sperm donor du jour:

He’s a rare one. He is extraordinary and it is wonderful to watch him… the way his brain works and the way he thinks thoughts… it’s beautiful.”

I actually genuinely like Jennifer Aniston, but….really?  The way he thinks thoughts?  Seriously?

Translation: “He seems like he has healthy sperm.”

Just Throwing This Stuff Out There To See What Sticks

Soooo many rumors flying around today.  We’ll just have to see which, if any, actually come to fruition.

1.  Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling have broken up again, because she is apparently too controlling.

2.  Jennifer Aniston is pregnant with John Mayer’s twins.  Because you’re NOBODY in Hollywood if you’re pregnant with just one lousy fetus.

3.  Paris Hilton wore this to go vote last night.

(Actually, that’s not a rumor.  That’s really true.)

4.  This picture defies explanation.  (Also potentially true, until such time as you guys come up with something to explain it.)  GO!

I’m Starting To Think…

…that perhaps Jessica Simpson and John Mayer really DO belong together after all.

John Mayer Would Like You To Know That HE Ended Things With Jennifer Aniston

John Mayer actually gave the paparazzi the time of day yesterday, ostensibly to be forthcoming about why his relationship with Jennifer Aniston ended, but mostly so that he would get to say that HE ended things with Jennifer Aniston. Note: there is a difference.

John Mayer Is A Pompous Jerk

Are you one of the millions of people out there who are totally addicted to Guitar Hero?  Or not even just addicted – are you someone who enjoys a round of Guitar Hero from time to time? (Yes, Dame.  I’m talking to you.)  Well, if you are, then you should know that John Mayer thinks you’re lazy.

He said to Rolling Stone, “Guitar Hero was devised to bring the guitar-playing experience to the masses without them having to put anything into it. And having done both, there’s nothing like really playing guitar. I mean, what would you rather drive, a Ferrari or one of those amusement-park cars on a track?”

See, this is where John Mayer forgets that he’s a gazillionaire who can afford to choose between an amusement park car or a Ferrari, whereas most Guitar Hero fans can only afford to NOT be total pretentious dillweeds. 

Suck it, John Mayer.  At least most Guitar Hero fans don’t look like this when they play:

John Mayer And Jennifer Aniston Are Still Together

And Jennifer Aniston is FREEZING.

New Weird Couple Alert

So it appears that John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston are officially dating, which means John Mayer is clearly on a mission to date everyone famous singer and/or actress in Hollywood.  It also means that we’re soon going to be subjected to various dating name combinations for the two of them.  Like Jennimayer and Mayniston and other gay names like that.

P.S.  John Mayer and a tattoo sleeve.  Somehow this does not compute.

Jessica Simpson And John Mayer Back In The Day

Did you guys ever see this bit on SNL when Jessica Simpson and John Mayer were dating? It just makes me giggle so much, and for whatever reason it came to mind this morning, and I felt a need to share. Enjoy.

Solid Evidence That Jessica Simpson Is An Alien

You guys – you HAVE to watch this. This is Jessica Simpson performing a song live. Which I have always found to be completely bizarre. She has this way of contorting her face and switching her voice from breathy to full-on yelling – the experience of watching it is similar to what a clinical observation of a previously uncharacterized seizure must be like. You stare in wonder at what’s taking place before you, and you can’t really put it into words – but you know it’s completely WACK.

I will always hate her for destroying Robbie Williams’ song, Angels, and I couldn’t even bring myself to subject you all to her live version of that. But watch this – and then imagine, if you will, what sort of hilarious faces she and John Mayer probably made during their moments of intimacy.

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