Tag Archive for 'Gwyneth Paltrow'

Gwyneth Paltrow Is Funny

I go back and forth on how I feel about Gwyneth Paltrow. Some days I intensely dislike her, and other days I think she’s kinda awesome.

Today, she’s awesome, because of this tweet.


Next Week’s Glee

I can’t decide how I feel about this. Something about Gwyneth Paltrow annoys the crap out of me. HOWEVER, she has a nice enough singing voice. However, it is criminal for anyone else but Cee Lo to sing this song. However, it’s the Glee cast and I love them. However, Gwyneth Paltrow doesn’t have enough soul to front this song. However, I love Glee.

Do you see my dilemma?

Gwyneth Paltrow Shines


Gwyneth Paltrow was on Conan the other night, and apparently stepped in a giant vat of baby oil just before walking out onto the stage.  She looks like she’s ready to be kentucky fried, for crying out loud.

Other than the oily legs, she looked nice.

And so concludes my analysis of Gwyneth’s appearance.

On The Skin Tone Continuum…


…we have pretty much captured the 3 main levels of tan here.  Ghost, Average, and Charbroiled.

Gwyneth Paltrow Has Lost The Ability To Dress Herself


I didn’t even know they MADE leather mom-shorts.

Worst. Hose. Ever.



Why would you wear silver gray hose with silver gray shoes with a gold and silver gray dress?

CLEARLY, the correct choice would have been no hose at all.  Do you think she just forgot to shave her legs and this was the next best option?  I mean, I have no issues with the dress. I rather like the dress, actually, if not for the fact that these hose are with it.

Gwyneth Paltrow Is Losing Her Eyesight

There is no other explanation for this outfit.  I don’t see how she could have put this on, looked in the mirror and thought, “Yes.  This looks good on me.”  So clearly, she is going blind. 

If Gwyneth said to her stylist, “Hey – if you could go ahead and find me a white dress that makes my chestular area look as bizarrely shaped as possible, and then find me a black permanent marker to paint my roots with, and then find me a pair of shoes which in no way goes with anything I have on EXCEPT my black permanently-marked on roots, that’d be great,” then I have to hand it to Gywneth’s stylist.  She executed that request PERFECTLY.

More Reptilian Women

Jamie Pressley, seen here with her now ex-fiance and also father to her kid, is seriously one of the snakiest women on the planet, isn’t she?  I know I said that Gwyneth Paltrow was looking lizard-y, but Jamie Pressley is Queen Of The Reptiles, for sure.

Anyway, she and her fiance broke up.  I haven’t been able to find any definitive reports on WHY, but I’m guessing it has something to do with his ears.


There is a LOT of bad stuff going on with this outfit.  Let’s go top to bottom, shall we?

1.  I don’t know if it’s the hair or the make-up or a combination of the two, but she looks reptilian.  Like, if all of a sudden a hugely long skinny tongue came snaking out of her mouth, I’d be all, “Yeah.  Well, that makes sense.”

2.  There is something really wrong with the whole chestular/clavicle-ular area.  It’s like her sternum decided to expand for no reason, and it caused spillage around her armpits. I’ve never seen anything like this.

3.  Are you supposed to be able to see her underwear through this dress?  Because that’s just dumb.  I’m pretty sure this was meant to be worn underwearless.

4.  Is she wearing ankle socks?  Are those what I referred to in junior high as “footies?”  Or are they part of the actual shoes?  Either way – HORRID.

You know who could wear this entire outfit and look totally ferocious in it?  Victoria Beckham.  She could wear this outfit and then put on a pink feather boa and a banana clip and she would be FIERCE.

We Get It, Gwyneth. You Like Your Legs.

I’m pretty sure I cut this dress out of construction paper in 2nd grade during the snowflake making assignment.

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