Tag Archive for 'Flavor Flav'

Flaaaayva Flaaaayv Sings A Ballad

With the help of some serious autotune, Flavor Flav sings straight from the heart in this deeply-felt, moving love song. (snort)

Wow.

Remember How Grossed Out You Were By Mini-Me But Then I Grossed You Out More With Flava Flav? Well, That Was Nothing.

Brigitte Nielsen had liposuction on live German TV, and you know what she wants to do with the FOUR LITERS of fat they removed from her?

Sell it online.  All for charity, you see.  Plus, she wants to do another Playboy spread.

Brigitte claims to be 44, but I BEG TO DIFFER.  The woman has GOT to be in her 60’s with as roughly ridden as she looks.

Remember when she was Flavor Flav’s girlfriend? And they had relations of a sexual nature?

Sleep tight, my friends.  Sleep tight.

Remember How Grossed Out You Were at Mini-Me? That Was NOTHING.

According to this, Flavor Flav lost his virginity at age SIX.  And he’d like to tell you all about it:

“I lost my virginity in the bushes on a box. A girl and me were having sex on a box in the bushes, in some big tall bushes. This was when I was real, real, real, real, young. I’m a tell you the truth; I lost my virginity when I was 6 years old. Because you know we learned to have done the nasty back in the days, and me and this girl we experiment, we were experimenting, and my little joint got hard, I penetrated for about a few seconds. That’s right early start and guess what and I have a great finish right now.”

I’m a tell you the truth.  I don’t ever want to hear about Flavor Flav’s little joint again. 

Are you guys as freaked out as I am that there were scores of women who VOLUNTARILY MADE OUT WITH HIM just to be on TV?  I don’t think you could pay me enough EVER to swap spit with this gold-toothed freak of nature.  Everytime I catch sight of him on tv, I just want to scream at him to take a bath.  Even when there have been scenes of him in an ACTUAL BATHTUB with various women, filled to the brim with bubbles and suds, I’m convinced that he’s absolutely filthy.

You could dip Flavor Flav in a vat of alcohol and then scrub him with Comet and then send him through a car-wash, and I would submit to you that he is still dirty.

Eeeew.

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