Tag Archive for 'coffee'

Jessica Simpson Looks…Tired.

I know this has nothing to do with Jessica Simpson, but you guys, on the way to Cincy today we got to stop at a Speedway gas station and GUESS WHAT KIND OF COFFEE I GOT?

Oatmeal Cookie.

Oatmeal Cookie flavored COFFEE.  And it was $.99 for TWENTY OUNCES.  It was pretty much the best thing I’ve ever tasted ever.

Jessica Simpson could use a cup or seven.  Full blast on the caffeine.

My Evolving Relationship With Coffee

Have I ever told you guys about my relationship with coffee?

Until approximately 3 years ago, I never drank coffee. Ever. I’ve always thought the SMELL of coffee was nice, but the taste? Ick. So bitter.

That is until I was meeting a friend at Starbucks, and decided to be an adult and order a coffee product. I ordered a White Chocolate Mocha, size Grande. And because it tasted more like liquid candy than any coffee I’d ever tried, I loved it.

And so began my newfound taste for coffee. But here’s the thing. I cannot, even to this day, drink coffee unless it tastes as little like Actual Coffee as possible. If coffee TASTES like coffee, I can’t drink it. It needs to have creamer (preferably flavored) and sugar added to it until it barely resembles coffee. In fact, I think what I really like is flavored creamer, with a speck of coffee thrown in so that I can still feel like a grown-up.

Anyway, discovering Starbucks’ White Chocolate Mocha was good in that I now had something I could order and enjoy at a coffee house, but bad because Starbucks THOROUGHLY ROBS PEOPLE. I mean seriously. $4 for a cup of coffee? REALLY? It’s good, but I can’t afford that kind of good on a regular basis. I can’t even afford that kind of good on a SEMI-regular basis.

But you know what I discovered last weekend? Speedway gas stations have WAY BETTER COFFEE than Starbucks. WAY. And it’s $1.50 for 20 oz, which is way bigger than a Starbucks grande. WAY. And they not only have super yummy seasonal flavors of coffee, like pumpkin spice and peppermint mocha, but they also have various flavors of creamers. So by the time you put your cup of coffee together, it’s like a 20 oz cup of delicious candy, nice and hot and perfect, and way cheaper than stupid old Starbucks. WAY. The only thing you don’t get that Starbucks has? Some life-hating “barista” who hates making you your coffee. There are no life-hating baristas at Speedway gas stations. It’s just you, putting together the coffee of your dreams, just the way you like it, without waiting on some life-hating person to do it for you. Granted, you get some ambiance at Starbucks. But it’s normally the kind of ambiance that involves people like this:

(I love the movie Best In Show, by the way. LOVE IT.)

Now, I still don’t drink grown-up coffee. And the people who drink coffee black? MASOCHISTS. I don’t know how they do that. But my point is – I will never drink Starbucks coffee again if there is a Speedway gas station available. In fact, I may start buying Speedway gas station coffees and taking them to Starbucks when I’m meeting friends.

And now, an ode to Speedway gas station coffee in haiku form:

Speedway Gas Stations
Your coffee is so awesome
Starbucks can suck it.

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