Tag Archive for 'Bret Michaels'

Holy Awkward

I haven’t watched American Idol this entire season, you guys. That is HUGE, because you know what a superfan I was. But no one interested me, and without Paula’s drunken antics it just didn’t seem like as much of a draw.

Until last night’s season finale. She reappeared, and her entire appearance was SO FULL OF AWKWARD. Just watch.

PS – Bret Michaels showed up too, even though he’s all aneurisimified and diabeetus-ified and stroke-ified and whatnot.

Ow.

BEHOLD: Bret Michaels’ being squished by stage stuff. At the Tony’s. Where he was inexplicably invited to perform.

I know it’s not funny, but this kinda makes me giggle.

Skank Overload!

The Rock Of Love Tourbus is almost upon us, everyone. And judging by this extended preview, we are in for the SKANKOCITY OF OUR LIVES.

I think I could get Mr. Mock to watch this with me just based on the abundance of breastularity alone. He’ll be all, “No way, Mock – I’m not watching this garbage” and then the boobs will start flinging all over the place and he’ll be so hypnotized by them that he’ll forget that what he’s watching is quite possibly the most horrific infliction of crap ever perpetrated on the human race. (I don’t even know if that made sense, but it sounded really good in my head.)

Did you guys ever watch the first season in which Bret Michaels’ diabetes is mentioned ad nauseum? You know what I hate? When people pronounce the word “diabetes” like Dye-ah-beet-us instead of Dye-ah-beet-eez. Bret Michaels prefers the former, which makes me want to punch him in the face.

Bret Michaels Looks Different

Wow.  Bret’s had some work done, hasn’t he?  I mean, he practically blends right in with all of the other skanky girls on the upcoming season of Rock Of Love pictured here.  He’s like, Bret PerSkankified.

Bret Michaels Was Recently Asked Who The Biggest Loser On The Planet Is…

…and this was his answer.

This may come as a shock to approximately none of you, but there is going to be a Rock Of Love 3.  This is due to the fact that the victim winner of Rock Of Love 2 has broken up with Bret due to their “busy schedules.”  Loosely translated, I believe this means she has probably contracted some sort of STD from him.

Anyway, the third season will have all 30 contestants fighting over who gets the fastest refill on Valtrex NOT in the normal venue – a trashy mansion, but ON A TOUR BUS.  That should be completely hilarious, and I will, sadly, watch every episode. 

Bret is Happy to See Someone

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The 2nd season of Rock of Love with Bret Michaels starts next month, and I’m expecting to be completely addicted to this skankalicious extravaganza.  This appears to be a promo photo, in which Bret’s cash and prizes appear to have possibly been “enhanced”.  Seriously – that is ridiculous.  There’s like a small watermelon trapped in his pants.

Because One Season Just Wasn’t Enough…

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..VH1 is bringing Rock of Love with Bret Michaels back for another round of a stripping, hair pulling, bitch slapping drinkfest! 

I. Am. So. Psyched! (As long as it doesn’t conflict with American Idol.)

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