So yeah – I haven’t posted here in a zillion years. I’m so sorry, mockdockers.

I just saw this picture of Christopher Walken, and the caption read that he used to look like Scarlett Johansson, and I can’t believe I haven’t ever noticed that before but he TOTALLY DOES.


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Anyway, sorry I’ve been neglecting this site so much. I’ll try to be better. :)


I cannot stop laughing at this.

There Are So Many Evens That I Can’t Right Now. I JUST CANNOT EVEN.

Listen – I’m telling you right now that you’re going to be dumber after you click this link. So, you’re not allowed to blame me if you click on it, because I’m offering you that warning.

The vajankle exists. It’s described as a bangable foot, and it retails for $175, and apparently there is a MARKET FOR THIS OMG.  This is PART of the photo, because OMG EEEEW.



But while that’s completely wack, what’s more disturbing are the comments, y’all. OMG THE COMMENTS. Here’s a sampling:

Is it possible to have the vaginal insert on the sole of the foot?

Are the toes strong enough to hold bees?

Wanna get one for my husbands 40th but how do u clean them out?

Hi, are you considering a Vajarmpit at all?

That last one was my favorite, because the company’s reply was, “No, this is not something we will consider doing,” as IF THAT WERE ANY CRAZIER than having a vajankle.


I can’t.  Someone help me understand this.

So, I Understand “Distressed” Denim, But COME ON.


Why, Calvin Klein? Why?


I mean seriously, if you have to photoshop Justin Bieber this much, why not just get a dude who already looks amazing in underwear?

Justin Bieber is always making that face that sort of says, “I wanna look sexy but instead I’m going to look like I’m kind of just sadly stupid.”

I loathe him.

This Is How I Know We’re Doomed


Paul McCartney, of the FREAKING BEATLES, did a duet with Kanye, which is pretty much unforgivable, if you ask me.  And this is what some total moron on Twitter said about it.


If This Is True, I Am Totally Screwed On The Wrinkle Front.

According to this, Kim Kardashian makes a concerted effort not to smile or laugh because doing so could cause wrinkles.

I’m not even making that up.

She tweeted, along with a selfie, “See I do smile… even laugh on occasion. Not too often though because it causes wrinkles.”

So THAT’S why she and other celebrities are always making that ridiculous sparrow face.

If smiling and laughing really do cause wrinkles, then I am completely screwed, because that’s basically all I ever do.

Doesn’t doing this to your face cause wrinkles too?




Cats Are Weird.



This Is My EXACT Reaction To Spiders.


This Jayhawk Gets Ashley Judd. And So I Love Him.

Y’all have to read this hilarious column about why you should hate Kentucky basketball (which of course I do, because Ashley Judd loves it.)

But if you don’t feel like reading a bunch of basketball stuff, BEHOLD the paragraph that matters:

Ashley Judd is astoundingly overrated.  Double Jeopardy is garbage.  A Time to Kill isn’t terrible, if you’re willing to buy McConaughey as a capable attorney, and if you’ve heard “Yes they deserve to die, and I hope they burn in hell!” then you’ve pretty much seen the movie.  Kiss the Girls?  I liked it better the first time I saw it, when it was called Silence of the Lambs.  I’ll give her Heat, that movie is awesome– although really, all she does in that movie is cheat on Val Kilmer with friggin’ Hank Azaria, then have a change of heart and help Kilmer slip past the cops after the bank heist goes bad– not exactly a highlight reel worth mailing in to the Academy.  If I ever end up watching The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, then something has gone horribly wrong.

Add to that sterling resume’ the fact that she isn’t all that attractive, and I’m not sure how Judd is known as the superhot, superfamous actress that became the shining beacon of the Kentucky basketball fanbase.



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