Comments for The Mock Dock

Comment on Epic Dog Shaming by cobian backup review

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Comment on Oddest. Pregnancy Photo. EVER. by Brandy

Brandy — Wed, 19 Jun 2013 16:54:35 +0000

Hello! This post could not be written any better!

Reading through this post reminds me of my previous
room mate! He always kept talking about this.
I will forward this page to him. Pretty sure he will have a good read.
Thank you for sharing!

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Comment on RIGHT?!?!?! by Graphic design

Graphic design — Wed, 19 Jun 2013 14:52:14 +0000

A great beginning always makes for a successful effort.
Breaking up the long and sometimes, quite
over-stretched ordering process into bits would quite ease the process.
One of them is the logo on every page that will link back to the homepage.

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Comment on Best. Costume. EVER. by Cambogia trim

Cambogia trim — Wed, 19 Jun 2013 13:26:40 +0000

WOW just what I was searching for. Came here
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Comment on Open Ashley Judd Thread. Until This Hits 1000 Comments. At Which Point I’ll Create Another. by Hannah955

Hannah955 — Wed, 19 Jun 2013 12:13:52 +0000

Jessica you and Mock WERE separated at birth. Victoria Beckham, fashion, Robbie, IndyCar. I hope you to go to the concert in Germany. You two MUST meet!

J, how are you planning on getting the Beetle home?

And… is there any way you could commit to writing a daily installment? Maybe Mock could give you your own little corner of The Mock Dock – Daily Jessica Snark.

And one more question – do you live in Canada? Because otherwise I don’t know why the international plan would come into play. (Just to let you know I am paying attention!)

I think the bubbly Megan the woman was talking about might have been Megan McCain, John McCain’s daughter. Mock can tell you about her!

I love how you told off that cab driver in Spanish. But seriously, WHY did you tip generously for bad service?

I still sport my Romney/Ryan sticker on my bumper because – well, it’s my “**** YOU” to the 90% of San Franciscans who voted for Obama. And go ahead, key my car, it’s old anyway and unlike Jessica I am not a car person. Except I think that if I saw a 100-point original Volvo 1800E for sale, that would tempt me. Except then I remember the woman I met in the library, back when I had my 1800E, she saw me park it and told me she used to have one, and then she told me this HORRIBLE story about how she listed it on craigslist, and this guy called and wanted to come see it, so she told him her address and said it was parked on the street outside her house, and they arranged to meet at 7:30 pm, he gave her his phone number,then he didn’t show up. The next morning she went outside and her car had been STRIPPED – light covers, chrome, insignia, lightbulbs, bumpers, everything gone.

So about that bumper sticker, I wimped out. Last weekend I played in a 12-hour puzzle hunt put on by some Stanford genius friends of mine (played in by even more genius friends of mine – in that circle I’m the village idiot) … and as logistics would have it, I needed to drive to the Haight at the crack of dawn and leave my car on the street all day because one of my teammates was staying with his son who just bought a house, like RIGHT off Haight Street almost at Ground Zero, and street parking is hard to come by, so we were going to drive to the game in Mountain View in his car and then he could have my space when we got back and he wouldn’t have to drive me home.

Then I realize a flaw in my plan. I am going to leave my car in the Haight – with my Romney/Ryan sticker on it – for something like 15 hours! In that neighborhood, that is asking for trouble.

But not to worry, my teammate – who to my surprise told me he voted for Romney and thought he would have made a fine President – for some bizarre reason has an unused Obama bumper sticker in his glove box, so he and my other teammate tape it over my Romney sticker for the day.

Sorry Mock!

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Comment on Oddest. Pregnancy Photo. EVER. by Rachel

Rachel — Wed, 19 Jun 2013 01:41:07 +0000

I almost had a crazy maternity picture taken just for you, but I changed my mind and opted for the Awesomesauce instead. I should have done both. :/

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Comment on Open Ashley Judd Thread. Until This Hits 1000 Comments. At Which Point I’ll Create Another. by Jessica

Jessica — Wed, 19 Jun 2013 01:21:01 +0000

I’ll try to keep this part short because I think everyone has had enough of my rare brand of crazy.
So I make it to the track where I was greeted by people who love (yes believe it or not I am loved in this World)
Everyone’s cracking up over my caffeine high.
Gossip but nothing really interesting or post-worthy.
Lots of Ashley snark! Oh I should’ve worn an Anthropplogie dress (I do own some but not the floral tablecloths she wears) and walked around barefoot carrying my psychological support cats but despite my earlier comment I actually do have a tiny bit of dignity and I love Dario far too much for that kind of humiliation. He suffers enough as it is.
I was walking around talking to everyone, and a woman had on an Obama 2012 shirt. Um did she miss the memo? It’s 2013 and the election is over. Why? Why do people do that?
I mean I can understand wearing the other candidate’s shirt out of rebellion.
I wonder if she has memory issues or something and remember I’m on a high so I decide to ask her if she knows the election is over.
Oops I’ve angered her.
She calls me a Rude, right wing extremist. She mumbles something about wasting fuel. (Does anyone know what this means?)
Oh she also called me a bubbly Megan whatever that is.
Why? Why are you at a racing event?
(I also should add she’s a possible non-Juggalo Weeblelandbeast)
I should’ve punched her. Maybe I have an ounce of class after all.
So all in all a great time!
Oh and the Beetle is going to a new home later this week. It was a moment of caffeine fueled insanity.

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Comment on Open Ashley Judd Thread. Until This Hits 1000 Comments. At Which Point I’ll Create Another. by Mockarena

Mockarena — Wed, 19 Jun 2013 00:53:43 +0000

We were so totally separated at birth.

There is no question about it.

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Comment on Open Ashley Judd Thread. Until This Hits 1000 Comments. At Which Point I’ll Create Another. by Jessica

Jessica — Wed, 19 Jun 2013 00:31:36 +0000

Part 2 isn’t as adventurous but as with every moment of my life it’s crazy.
It makes NO sense.
I constantly feel like I’m losing brain cells just being in public around other people.
As my arrival was late no one could pick me up yet so I decided to take a cab.
The driver gives me attitude when I say where I want to go.
Just for my own sanity’s sake, please explain something to me.
I’m paying you to take me somewhere and you grumble? Isn’t that like your job? Why? Why must I deal with these things?
He finally relents when he realizes that Yes, he’ll actually make money.
At a stop light the truck next to us is blaring a country song. How do I know this song? I don’t listen to country music. I’m kind of allergic to it actually.
I’m jittery from the 2 cans of Red Bull, the Circus flight.
My mind is killing me trying to figure out how I know this song.
Then out of the corner of my eye, I see something. It’s SO cute. It’s like a grown up Barbie car! It’s a yellow Beetle! I have to have this.
You’ll realize by now that when it comes to certain things (automobiles, lipstick,music, men who can throw a ball 95mph) my brain has NO concept of the difference between want and need.
Do I really need 15 tubes of Chanel Rouge Coco Shine in Style because they discontinued it?
No. It’s a want.
But my brain doesn’t understand that.
I’m an addict.
I’m a junkie always out for my next fix.
Sir! Sir! Can we please turn around and go to that dealership?
This guy really hates me right now.
No it’s not a guess.
He’s complained about me twice on his cell phone in Spanish but I’m being so well behaved that I didn’t do what I normally do when someone talks about me assuming I don’t know their language which is say something equally offensive to them in their language.
So again, Why? Why do I deal with these things?
He obliges, I pay him what it would’ve cost to take me the full way there, plus a nice tip. I’m feeling generous despite his blatant rudeness.
Again as my boyfriend of choice Robbie says, Sing when you’re winning.
I’m like Charlie Sheen without the paid companions and drugs. Nothing is going to get me down.
As I shut the car door, I say something to him in Spanish I can’t post here so let’s go with Jesus loves you! Have a nice day.
During all of this my phone is blowing up with text messages from Stepmonster’s daughter. I ignore them and remind myself to play the “no signal” game. I have international service but she doesn’t need to know that.
I walk in to the dealership. I tell the first person I see, I need that yellow Beetle.
His name is Harold. He has a comb over and is wearing a tie I last saw Al Bundy wearing on an episode of Married with Children.
Coffee? No! The last thing I need right now is more caffeine. I’d probably end up in jail for trying to jump off buildings like Spider-Man.
Test drive? No
Finance Options? No
“A woman like you should be in a much more expensive car”
Oh keep flattering me Harold. If you only knew.
Between his velveeta infused sales pitch, and wilted parsley personality I’m ready to walk.
Would you like to look at other models?
NO
Seriously? When did it become so difficult to buy a car?
Harold has to take a call. I later find out it was his wife to remind Harold she will DIE if he does not come home with four two-liters of diet coke.
Did you hear that? She will DIE!
I’m SO sure.
Death by Diet Coke.
I’m going to die if I’m not in that car and out of here in twenty minutes.
Not literally die.
But die of embarrassment by walking across the street to buy a car from another brand.
While Harold is on the phone with the Queen of Diet Coke, another salesman tries to steal me away.
He looks like Lester Diamond in Casino. He has a matching blue suit on. Medallion necklace and more slime than in Gremlins.
Thankfully Harold returns to save me.
After boring paperwork and nothing to snark on, I’m out of there!
I feel like Barbie. Well, A non-plastic Barbie. Where is the speed in this thing?
Um, there is none.
Bummer
I decide this car needs something. Robbie.
Cheryl Cole
The Bay City Rollers.
Something blasting.
I fiddle with the radio.
Sundown you better take care if I find you been creeping around my back stairs
Yet another song I wonder how I know.
I spot a best buy, pull in to go buy cd’s
Yes I have them all at home but I need them now.
Go in the store, make my way to the cd’s.
NO Robbie
This is an outage. I want to cry. I want to write the President of the company and tell him how a lack of wholesome beautiful music is ruining the youth of America! That’s it! Jessica for President! Free Robbie Williams cd’s for all!
(Yes the red bull makes me more delusional than normal)
I ask store employees for help. Can you look in the back?
Who is Robbie Williams? They ask
What? Why? Why? Why must I have to explain things to people?
But as an Ambassador I realize it’s my job to educate them. To show sweet *looks at name tags* Andrew and Devin what is missing from their lives.
So I spend the next ten minutes rattling off Robbie’s accomplishments and how beautiful he is.
They stare at me the way clueless teenagers stare at adults. Wait, I’m an actual adult? I forget that sometimes.
Instead I buy a thing for my iPhone so I can listen to Robbie through the car that way. I later find out the car had something like that but oh well.
While I’m in best buy I buy things like the criterion collection edition of Badlands because as much as it disturbs people I freaking love that movie.
I almost forget why I’m actually here and why and where I’m going.
Check out, back on the road.
I spot a Starbucks!
Yes! Because more caffeine is exactly what I need right now.
I decide to go in because I’m just not a drive thru person.
I encounter a very large group of people and children wearing creepy clown logo things. Most have their faces painted. Even the children.
Ooh! Maybe there’s a street fair going on?
I ask the man standing in front of me if there’s a street fair going on. Cotton candy! Yes because I truly need pure sugar AND caffeine right now.
He says to me, with a mouth usually only seen on Meth user episodes of Intervention
NO! This be a family gathering.
A family gathering? Oh, you’re all a family?
A woman walks up who looks like a real life Weeble. You know? Weebles wobble but they won’t fall down. I bet if I took a pen out of my purse and hit her with it she’d pop like a balloon and float away. The mental visual makes me laugh. They stare more.
She informs me that they’re Juggalos.
Juggalos?
That’s a strange family name. I wonder where it originates.
I politely ask.
The Landbeast woman (As mock would say) in grammar usually reserved for redneck wrassling matches starts lecturing me about who they are.
ICP forever! What’s ICP?
They start singing.
The children join in.
Can this line move a little faster? Please? Jesus? Spaceships? Somebody.
And that is how I was introduced to a species of humans known as Juggalos.
One man tells me he rode a bus 200 miles to visit is “family” I’m guessing he’s not familiar with family of choice.
I accidentally step on a garbage bag.
He becomes upset.
Excuse me sir! I had NO idea those garbage bags were your luggage.
I finally make it to place my order.
The Juggalos and Jugglettes as they were calling themselves weren’t there to order. They were there for the free wifi. One juggalo tells another that the state won’t allow them to buy soda on their food cards anymore. What’s a food card? I don’t even want to know.
Why? Why do people like this exist?
I place my order. I ask for the strongest thing they have.
(Did I mention I’m not a coffee drinker?)
As I’m waiting for my drink I suddenly remember how I knew that country song blasting at the stop light when I was in the cab!
This guy I went out with loved it. Oh he was awesome. He was actually a good boyfriend. Hmm
I should look him up!
Google informs me he’s really religious and married with children.
Bummer.
I make it out of there and I’m on my way!
Robbie’s blasting, I’m chugging caffeine. The world is beautiful.
I’m still mentally damaged from meeting the species of humans known as Juggalos.

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Comment on Open Ashley Judd Thread. Until This Hits 1000 Comments. At Which Point I’ll Create Another. by Hannah955

Hannah955 — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 23:12:42 +0000

Long version please! Cuss words welcome (TMD redacts them, but I can still see them via email).

BOUGHT A CAR? I wonder if they have a support group for that: Caraholics Anonymous

What new species of human would that be? Something to do with IndyCar?

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