Guess how I spent my St Patrick’s Day!
If you guessed that it was spent, for the most part, in the emergency room being violated in unspeakable ways, THEN YOU ARE CORRECT.
Yesterday I was having all sorts of pain in my ovary-ular area on the right side, which at first I chalked up to just mid-month normal pain, but when it didn’t go away, and then when it spread across my whole lower abdomen, and then when it kept me up last night, I figured it was probably out of the ordinary and needed to be investigated.
I got to the ER at 8.30am, and it was pretty slow, so I was seen quickly and put into a room where I was immediately asked to get naked, gowned, and situated in the hospital bed. And that’s when the fun began. Once I explained my symptoms to the nurse and then the doc, they decided to do the following:
1. IV in the crook of my elbow
2. Rectal exam
3. Pelvic exam
4. Milk and Molasses Enema
So yeah, it was a banner day for me. Especially because #2 and #3 and #4 proved to be ENTIRELY UNNECESSARY, when ultimately it was #5 that uncovered the fact that I have a giant cyst on my right ovary. If they would have just done the ultrasound FIRST, my day might not have sucked quite as hard.
The good news is that it doesn’t look like a particularly dangerous sort of cyst. The doc said, in fact, that these sorts of cysts are super common, but you generally don’t feel pain from them, and that the reason I DO is because mine is a “complex cyst” and is sort of bleeding into itself, and causing a build up of fluid in my ovary, which is why I have felt like a bloated cow for the past several days.
So after 6.5 hours at the hospital, I got Vicodin and instructions to get another ultrasound in 4-6 weeks to make sure that the cyst is gone. And while I didn’t really have any plans in particular to celebrate St Patrick’s Day, I CERTAINLY hadn’t planned to be unnecessarily violated all day long.
There is no appropriate photo to go with this post, so here’s a recent tweet from Ashley Judd complaining about having to pay Saturday plumber prices.
It’s always awesome to hear multi-millionaires try to act like they’re regular people who struggle to pay Saturday plumbing prices, isn’t it?