Guess how I spent my St Patrick’s Day!
If you guessed that it was spent, for the most part, in the emergency room being violated in unspeakable ways, THEN YOU ARE CORRECT.
Yesterday I was having all sorts of pain in my ovary-ular area on the right side, which at first I chalked up to just mid-month normal pain, but when it didn’t go away, and then when it spread across my whole lower abdomen, and then when it kept me up last night, I figured it was probably out of the ordinary and needed to be investigated.
I got to the ER at 8.30am, and it was pretty slow, so I was seen quickly and put into a room where I was immediately asked to get naked, gowned, and situated in the hospital bed. And that’s when the fun began. Once I explained my symptoms to the nurse and then the doc, they decided to do the following:
1. IV in the crook of my elbow
2. Rectal exam
3. Pelvic exam
4. Milk and Molasses Enema
5. Ultrasound
So yeah, it was a banner day for me. Especially because #2 and #3 and #4 proved to be ENTIRELY UNNECESSARY, when ultimately it was #5 that uncovered the fact that I have a giant cyst on my right ovary. If they would have just done the ultrasound FIRST, my day might not have sucked quite as hard.
The good news is that it doesn’t look like a particularly dangerous sort of cyst. The doc said, in fact, that these sorts of cysts are super common, but you generally don’t feel pain from them, and that the reason I DO is because mine is a “complex cyst” and is sort of bleeding into itself, and causing a build up of fluid in my ovary, which is why I have felt like a bloated cow for the past several days.
So after 6.5 hours at the hospital, I got Vicodin and instructions to get another ultrasound in 4-6 weeks to make sure that the cyst is gone. And while I didn’t really have any plans in particular to celebrate St Patrick’s Day, I CERTAINLY hadn’t planned to be unnecessarily violated all day long.
There is no appropriate photo to go with this post, so here’s a recent tweet from Ashley Judd complaining about having to pay Saturday plumber prices.
It’s always awesome to hear multi-millionaires try to act like they’re regular people who struggle to pay Saturday plumbing prices, isn’t it?
Gawd.
Well, I have been *begging* for spreading abdominal pain for weeks, but nope — STILL PREGNANT!
Sorry you got violated but glad it’s nothing serious. Hope tomorrow is better for you!
Anonymous? Nope, just me.
Your day sounds just horrible. I have never heard of a milk and molasses enema and all I can say is WTH! Doctors are a sadistic bunch!
ick! glad to hear you’re back home though, and mocking Ashley “I’m just a regular person” Judd.
I am so sorry for your crappy day…I am thrilled that it wasn’t something serious. But more importantly….why is A J’s area around her mouth grayish-black? 5 o’clock shadow?
Milk and Molasses? I could’ve just treated you to Mexican, Mock. I would’ve at least bought you a 40 oz margarita.
Bastards.
OMG Mock!! That is awful, you poor thing. You deserve a giant bouquet of flowers and a ginormous bottle of your fave Satan Water after enduring that.
(hugs) and I hope you feel better soon.
I’m glad you’re ok! Sorry you had such a horrible experience at the ER, but at least you got vicodin. It might give you weird dreams, though.
Someone made that milk and molasses enema thing up, right? Some sadistic ER doctor?
And Cynthia caught the five o’clock shadow on aj. Maybe she forgot to bleach?
I feel your pain. I’ve had a similar experience, though mine turned out to be something intestinal/infection-y. The pain was the same, though. The probing was quite similar, too. I’m glad you will be fine!!
Not that this will help you feel that much better, but perhaps Ashley must have felt similarly violated by the plumber bill…. and after doing her taxes this year
Hope you feel better soon!
Wait till you get your bill! The pain will return!
Mock my sweet, sweet, sweet dear……whether you realize it or not, you had an amazing St Patty’s day, as it sounds like your doctors were super thorough, and you are ok….I am a long time poster and with out going into detail, let me just say that on that same day….my sister was not so lucky with her ovaries.
Folks take care of what you have to, like Mock don’t wait, and I am so glad that you are ok.
They HURT, you were patient to wait for as long as you did.
Seems like they were a bit thorough with the cleansing though, I guess that saves you money on colonics
Seriously am surprised they didn’t ultrasound you right off though with mine they kept saying it was kidney stones even though I didn’t have any other symptoms of kidney stones.
Feel better soon Mock. Glad it was nothing too serious, but sorry you’re in pain and hope it gets resolved quickly!
Mock! I’m so glad you’re OK. That was an awful way to spend what should have been a fun day. One thing I’m confused about – is the cyst supposed to just go away on its own?
omg! it’s like we’re twins! i also just found out i have a giant cyst! although i just learned that mine is actually INSIDE my ovary, stretched it 7cm to the size of a lemon, and could possibly be a dermoid cyst which (yuck) could potentially have hair/teeth, etc. and i have to have it surgically removed… ovaries suck.
The ER doc said my cyst should go away and shrink on its own, and I think it has, because I feel totally better and even went to zumba last night. I get another ultrasound on the 16th to make sure!
eeeroneous – that SUCKS that you have to have surgery. I’m hoping I don’t get to that point, but because this is me, I’m pretty sure I will. ANything that can go wrong with ladyparts typically happens to me.
Vicodin…it’s a good thing.