Seriously. It’s gross. So if you choose to read past this sentence, don’t act like you weren’t warned.
So a bit of background. Every night, right as I’m going to sleep, I put in those neon pink cushiony earplugs. I’m a super light sleeper, and they really help block out the normal noises that wake me up during the night – Mr. Mock snoring, or MockDog snoring, or wind, or whatever. I wake up at basically the slightest sound, so I’m doomed to a lifetime of earplug wearing. I’ve accepted this.
Ok. So now you have background.
Deep breath. Here goes the grossness.
At around 4am last night, I woke up to discover that one of my earplugs was IN MY MOUTH AND I WAS TOTALLY CHEWING IT LIKE GUM OMG.
I know. You’re totally hurling right now. That is precisely what I wanted to do when I was conscious enough to realize what in the holy hizzell I was doing. WHY WAS I DOING THAT?!!! I have no earthly clue. I must have been chewing gum in my dream or something, but since I rarely remember my dreams, I will never know. All I know is that I was chewing the CRAP out of that earplug, and as soon as I realized it, I wanted to drink an entire bottle of bleach. And probably should have, frankly.
Anyway, I hope y’all don’t think less of me for this. It was not intentional in the LEAST, so please don’t start forwarding this story to Strange Addictions or any of those crazy TLC shows where people eat sofa cushions and cremated ashes and stuff.
I think this post warrants a hideous picture of Ashley Judd.