Monthly Archive for November, 2012

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Is It Just Me?

I am PHYSICALLY INCAPABLE of eating a tootsie pop like a normal person.

I’m pretty sure normal people suck on tootsie pops until they get to the delicious tootsie roll core, and then they munch on the tootsie roll core after they’ve spent a sufficient amount of time sucking on the tart goodness of the pop.

I don’t do that.  I spend approximately 15 seconds on the pop part, just enough to get it bite-able, and then I BITE THE EVERLOVING CRAP out of it, and gobble up the tootsie roll core like it’s my JOB.

I can down a tootsie pop in seriously less than 30 seconds.

I wonder if there’s a world record I can apply for?

You Know What I Haven’t Done In Awhile?

I haven’t mentioned how much I CANNOT STAND Ashley Judd.

An alert and astute mockdocker sent me an article today from my HOMETOWN PAPER, in which the columnist has her tongue so firmly planted in Ashley’s assular area that I am genuinely concerned it’ll never come out.

In it, the author (Cathy Kightlinger) says the following hilarity:

The actress — who counts former President Bill Clinton and singer Bono among her friends — tries unsuccessfully to avoid the spotlight at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway because she thinks that stage belongs to her husband.”

HOLY MOTHER OF CRAP.

I laughed so hard at that, and then was so absolutely FLABBERGASTED by Ashley’s ability to snow people, that I sent an email to Cathy Kightlinger which said this:

“I laughed SO HARD when you wrote that “Ashley Judd tries unsuccessfully to avoid the spotlight at the IMS…” in your column about her visit to Indy. There is no way you attended or watched that race. Because look here.

Fawning over celebrities is unbecoming.

Just sayin’. :)”

Seriously y’all – look at the link I included in the email, and travel down memory lane with me, won’t you? To the time when Ashley Judd won the Indy 500 this past May. The fact that Cathy Kightlinger thinks Ashley was trying to AVOID THE SPOTLIGHT proves that Cathy really needs to look into a tongue-from-assular-area removal kit OR at least actually LOOK AT HARD EVIDENCE before writing just totally inaccurate, hilariously wrong crap.

The rest of the column isn’t better. It’s like a huge list of crap Ashley has said, which has clearly delighted Cathy Kightlinger, but which people with Actual Brains knows is total nonsense.

You know what else is nonsense? The fact that Cathy Kightlinger can’t spell. She writes, “And she takes HIV/AIDS victims in her arms while the cameras role.”

ROLE?!?!? Seriously? OMG.

Cathy – Ashley Judd plays a ROLE when she hugs HIV/AIDS victims. Because she knows the cameras are ROLLING. Get it straight.

Cathy Kightlinger also tweeted a link to her column:

Yes.  Fascinating.  If you like chicks who lie about their TV shows being axed, say completely hypocritical things, and are so completely unaware of their own hypocrisy that I’m surprised it doesn’t cause Actual Pain.

And now, to add insult to injury, Ashley Judd is IN MY TOWN this weekend.  If you’re looking for her, she’ll be the one with the Indy Star columnist attached to her backside.  FYI.

Ooooooooo SNAP

I Can Totally See Myself Doing This.

Mr. Mock always accuses me of being oblivious to my surroundings. Which I will admit is kinda true. If I’m out and about, it’s usually because I’m on a mission to complete some sort of task and I’m focused on that task and nothing else. Including my surroundings.

I know that’s bad from a self-preservation standpoint. But when I’m in dark and creepy places, I am VERY aware of my surroundings. It’s when I’m in a mall or I’m with my friends or with Mr. Mock that I forget the rest of the world exists.

So yeah – I can totally see myself doing this. TOTALLY.

I Will Never Ever Tire…

…of sideways dancing cats. EVER.

If Daisy And I Had Attended School Together, This SO WOULD HAVE BEEN US.

This Dog…

…looks better doing Latin dance moves than I do in zumba.

Inappropriate.

They couldn’t have come up with a better shape for their sign than this? SERIOUSLY?

Happy Thanksgiving From A Healthy Junior Mock!

LOOK AT HIM, you guys. When I sit him upright and give him the right amount of support, he can hold up his head sort of straight, and he is SO TALL! He’s been doing awesome since he’s been out of the hospital, and seems healthier than ever. SO GRATEFUL on this Thanksgiving Day that we were able to enjoy a fabulous day at my folks’ house. No one does turkey dinner like Grandma Mock.

Hope you’ve all had a wonderful holiday!

The Comment Below The Picture = Proof That We Are Doomed.

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