This Is ME.

Especially if I go to Target. I can go to Target with the singular mission of buying a tube of toothpaste, and walk out of that trap with like 6 giant bags of stuff I had no idea I couldn’t live without.

And it’s not even like you really realize it’s happening. I think Target has something in their circulation system that puts you in some sort of shopping trance, and the only way to break free is to spend at least $50 there. Because I will sometimes get home, and Mr. Mock will ask me, “Why did you buy that?” and I will just look at him, blankly, because I’ll have NO IDEA. Except that while I was IN Target, it was an item that I was positive our family couldn’t function without. Like a pair of Paul Frank monkey pajama pants.

So yeah. I totally relate to this picture.

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    Definitely need pictures of you in the monkey pajama pants. Assuming they were for you, and not MiniMock, or someone else. Because then instead of being funny, it would be …well… odd. 🙂

  • Rachel


  • Nancy

    I have visited Target for 30+ years, and it has always had the same effect on me too! And my girlfriend! She was a single mom with two kids and she would say that she could blow $50 so fast without realizing it at Target!

  • Carolyn

    I bought 18 rolls of Charmin today. They were on sale for $16. SWEEEEEEEEEET! Best Deal EVER. I may go back tomorrow and buy another 18 rolls…cause, well (wait for it), that’s how I roll.

  • Hannah955

    I’ve never been to Target! And I’m immune to shopping. Except I love thrift stores. Does that count?

    A totally different vibe, it’s like treasure hunting. You never know what you will find. San Francisco is thrift shop heaven.

  • Cathy

    Mock – not sure if you have Ross Stores up there, but they are everywhere here in GA….when I go into a Ross, I HAVE to pass through the shoe department….my 7-year-old son knows the routine now even! Best Shoes Ever!

  • Reminiscent_of_Purple

    Yep, this is me too. While I cried when Target left my city, my wallet did a happy dance.

  • sunnyazspawn

    I have 4, yes 4, Targets in an 8 mile radius. It’s bad. Real bad.

  • AT

    Oh oh oh! This reminds me of a post I wrote a year ago! About the impulse buys of Target – to which I’m proud that I did not fall prey (that time).

    “The Greatest Home Appliance Ever Made”

    Subtitled: “AT’s Annual Valentine’s Day Post.”

    Bacon is awesome. I love bacon. You love bacon. We all love bacon. Except vegetarians. But they’re a bunch of assholes anyway, so who cares what they think.

    So, I went to Target today because I needed to pick up some essentials – toothpaste, bandages, hangars, laundry detergent, things of that nature. I like going to Target for these things because, well, when it comes to general home stuff like that, against Wal-mart it’s six of one, half dozen the other. Any price differences are going to be miniscule at best – but Target has the advantage because A) it’s never as busy; B) the people tend to be more attractive; and C) you don’t leave the store with that “wal-mart smell” on your clothes. (You know the one I’m talking about – the stink of poor people, food stamps glue, and despair?) Now, that’s not to say that I hate Wal-mart – quite the contrary, in fact. Wal-mart is superior to Target in a few departments, and worth putting up with the dregs of society on occasion. And, insofar as I’m personally concerned, it’s a lot closer. But anyway, I had to go that direction anyway on another errand, so I decided to stop at Target.

    One thing I like about Target is that they always have really awesome deals on the back rows of the shelves. Most of it’s crap you don’t need – but still, it’s cheap and makes for a good impulse buy. Surprisingly, nothing really jumped out at me from those end-displays today. This, however, did – and I almost bought it until I realized I have a brand spankin’ new propane grill at home and I rarely cook breakfast foods anyway. What was it you wonder? It was this:


    In case you can’t tell what’s so awesome about it, let me zoom in:


    That’s right. This baby comes equipped with a STEALTH BACON HIDING TRAY. So that way, when you’re busy cooking bacon, you can secretly funnel away extra slices for yourself.

    Picture it. It’s Valentine’s Day. You wake up to cook your lovely lady a nice breakfast for the two of you to share. You turn on the electric griddle and make a gorgeous spread of pancakes and eggs and sausage and bacon. But little does she know, for every three slices of bacon you’ve cooked, you hid one away all for yourself. You share the wonderful breakfast, and she stands up, kisses you on the cheek, tells you you’re wonderful and thoughtful, and goes off to take a shower. You tell her you’ll begin cleaning up the table – but oh, you’ll do so much more than that. Once she’s out of sight and you hear the shower running – THEN you get your TRUE reward for the effort. A SECOND FEAST OF BACON THAT YOU DON’T HAVE TO SHARE!

    If you time it right, by the time she’s out of the shower you should be finishing the extra bacon you stashed, and can begin “cleaning up.” At which point, she’ll say, “Oh let me help you with that.” So, you let her. The stealth bacon hiding tray has allowed you the time to eat more bacon while having the appearance of cleaning up. Then, you can pretty much let her do most of the work – since, as the woman, she should be doing it anyway.

    What could make for a more beautiful Valentine’s Day.

    Seriously, any appliance that has a special compartment made for HIDING BACON is easily the greatest appliance ever made. I’d say greatest THING ever made, but we all know that’s the PSP. (Seriously, if I were given the power tomorrow, I’d direct all social services funding into R/D for making the PSP even cooler than it already is.)

    Why didn’t I buy it anyway, you might be wondering? Well, as I said – A) I cook most of my meat with fire, not electricity. B) I rarely cook breakfast foods as it is. C) Like I’m dumb enough to find myself in a position where I have to cook breakfast and share bacon with someone. One of the joys of being single is that I don’t have to share my bacon in the first place.

    But for all you husbands and boyfriends out there – I wholly recommend the electric griddle with stealth bacon hiding tray. Especially with Valentine’s Day around the corner. And if you go now, it’s on sale at Target. (And if you’re a husband or boyfriend that’s a vegetarian, I wholly recommend you drink bleach. Because, seriously, what kind of man are you if you don’t eat meat? Especially bacon. Shame on you.)

    Oh my, how so much has changed in 18 months. Here I am sharing bacon with my lady now. What have I become. 🙁

  • Mockarena

    AT–I could not love that story any harder. 🙂

  • Reminiscent_of_Purple

    AT, thank you for starting my day with several big belly laughs!

  • Daisy

    That’s one of the greatest things I’ve ever read, AT. And I was a literature major for a while in undergrad school.

    Love it. And I need the stealth bacon tray YESTERDAY.