Least Appropriate Maternity Photo EVER

You guys may not know this, but Bunny (my sister) is COMPLETELY grossed out by maternity photos.  You know the ones – where hugely pregnant women go and get professional pregnant photos of themselves being all pregnant.  Many of these photos involve putting the pregnant belly on naked, full display.  This produces a very physical reaction in Bunny – who is totally disgusted by the entire process of pregnancy and childbirth anyway.  She gets dry heaves almost instantaneously when she is faced with maternity photos.

We had a conversation about this the other day, which went something like this:

Bunny: Maternity pictures are gross.  It doesn’t matter who does them.  They are disgusting.

Me: No. They’re not.  You’re being ridiculous.  Some of them are beautiful.

Bunny: There is nothing beautiful about a giant, swollen stretched out stomach.

Me: Yes there is.  Because in that giant, swollen stretched out stomach is a precious little baby.

Bunny: It doesn’t matter.  Maternity photos should be against the law.

She then proceeded to send me various pictures of women with giant pregnant bellies in order to prove her point.  And I proceeded to say how lovely they were and how neat it was that in those giant pregnant bellies were precious sweet little children.

And then a friend of mine sent me a link to the maternity edition of the Awkward Family Photo website, and I found the most awesome maternity picture of ALL TIME.  Only not awesome in the sense that it’s tasteful and beautiful, but awesome in the sense that it is so hilariously inappropriate.  I sent it to her, and her response was as follows:

I am deeply offended.  I will need to go hug myself for at LEAST 20 minutes.  This is disgusting. Maternity is disgusting.  And you suck.”

The picture has nakedness in it so I put it after the jump.

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  • WakeUp

    Holy $hit I wasn’t prepared for that… well, I kind of was… two glasses of wine sort of helped to soften the blow… but I’m with Bunny on this one… That’s traumatizing.

  • Buckeye Bob

    And one day that baby will be telling his friends how he kicked his dad in the ass before he was even born.
    I really didn’t need to see that picture. Expecting a pregnant woman, OK but then I see this mans ass. Not nice mock!

  • piglet

    baaaaahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!! holy crap! Ok, I never in my wildest dreams ever thought this would be a pose you would do for a maternity photo. I laughed so hard I almost woke up my sleeping one week old. My husband who was in the kitchen heard me laughing and said what is so funny? I read the article to him and then showed him the photo…. all i have to say the look on his face was priceless. He kinda tilted his head to the side like a dog would when it is trying to figure out what is going on. All he could get out was Oh my god. This photo made my day!

  • sunnyAZ

    Holy crap! Some serious giggling going on here!

  • Jim

    C’mon Mock. You only take the pro-photo side to bug your sister. Admit it.

  • http://themockdock.com Punky

    Disgusting picture, but at least the guy has a nice butt, and not some giant, hairy, sweaty one!

  • ArmyWifey

    Who……in their right mind, would not only pose for this photo, but would like it enough to allow it to not be deleted immediately??? That poor poor child.
    I was sooo not expecting that. Well played, Mock. Well played.

  • Jen

    I’m sorry, Mock, but I’m totally with Bunny on this one. That is NEITHER “tasteful” NOR “beautiful”…it IS, however, F*CKING DISGUSTING. I mean, seriously, WHO DOES THAT?!?! That poor, poor baby.

    Off to scrub my eyes with Clorox.

  • Mockarena

    Jen – the pic in this post IS totally disgusting. Hilariously disgusting. I just mean in GENERAL I don’t mind maternity photos. The tasteful ones. 🙂

  • Jen

    Ohhhh. I just realized I misread “only not” and “not only”…whoops!

    Sorry ’bout the potty-mouth…this post brought out my inner-trucker.

  • tphilisw

    I agree with Punky. The dude’s got a nice butt.

  • Anonymous

    omg. Can’t muster any wit. The belly resting on an ass and b*lls has rendered me speechless. I’m sorry.

  • Modigliani

    This is a classic “pride of place” over the mantle photo. C’mon people, can’t you recognize fine art when you see it?

  • tep1031

    There should never be feet in the boobular area, unless they are tiny little baby feet.

  • KatieB

    I totally get it! I mean sometimes I thought my belly weighed a ton and I always thought, you know what would help with this belly weight? If I rested it on my husbands butt hole. Yup.

  • Tina B

    If you unfocus your eyes, this is very artistically set up. Oh, and that guy has a killer a** too! But, all kidding aside (see what I did there?) I couldn’t see displaying this beauty above my fireplace mantle!! O_O

  • King of all Photographers

    This is one of those shots were you could see the photographer really pushing himself to be artistic. The lighting is carefully considered, determined framing, the pose ambitious.

    And yet, this is fail. I’m familiar with fail. I’ve tried ambitious things — I too need to stretch to see what I’m capable of. But I would never do so with a client. They pay for results, not my experiments. Only my successful experiments see the light of day and enjoy the glory of public praise. My failed experiments are buried in the dark of night. As this should have been, LOL.

  • Karen Tracy

    O.M.Gosh – I am in tears laughing so hard because tho I’m not as offended as Bunny, I crack up when I see them – all I want to say is PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!!! I also have the same type of relationship with my sister – gotta love them!!

    So you send this to your sister knowing how she feels (yeah – sisters do that!!)

    And Bunny’s response to this pic is just totally PRICELESS & Preciously funny!!! You deserved every word, the ” And you suck” is just icing on the cake – ROFL in tears hahahahaha

    LOVE IT!!!