Monthly Archive for May, 2011

I Have Very Exciting News For All Of You

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it or not, but Daisy, Leroy and I, along with two other cool chicks, are heading to Vegas in July to celebrate the occasion of Daisy’s 40th birthday.  It’s going to be epic, especially since Daisy has never been, and we are counting the days till we get to go.

You’re probably wondering how in the world that’s exciting news FOR YOU.

Well, I’ll tell you.  The exciting news is that none other than BUCKEYE BOB has graciously agreed to guest-post in my absence.  :)  I decided that it would be really nice to take the kind of vacation where I actually don’t bring a laptop with me, you see.   And so I thought about who might be the best person to fill in for me while I was gone -  for approximately a millisecond, because there was really no reason to think about it when the choice was OBVIOUS.

When I asked him if he was interested, he said he was actually more interested in going to Vegas, and questioned whether a male chaperone was needed.  Then he expressed concern that he might not be able to find suitable material during my absence.  To which I responded, “BB – half of the stuff I post is stuff you send me.”

I know you’ll all welcome Buckeye Bob as a fill-in author with wide open mockdock arms.  My only concern, really, is that you won’t want me to come back. :)

Anyway, you’ll hear more about Buckeye Bob’s foray into headlining mockery in the upcoming weeks.  For now, your challenge, if you choose to comment on this post, is to strike a perfect balance of excitement about Buckeye Bob’s guest posting and sorrow about the fact that I’ll be gone for a few days.

To get your creative commenting juices flowing, here’s a fuschia landbeast.

This Day Had All The Makings Of An Epic Failure…

…but it ended up being ok.

Why did it start out so badly?  Because on my way to work, in the middle of the road, was the biggest turtle I’ve seen free-roaming in Indiana ever.  And it was just sitting there.  It was alive, and his head was out of his stupid giant shell, and he was just watching oncoming traffic, as if to DARE US ALL to run him over.

You have no idea how tempting that was.

But then I remembered about the giant, hairy, disgusting spider I killed in my kitchen this past weekend, and the sickening nauseating puke-inducing crunch it made when I stepped on it, and I imagined that sound magnified to the power of a zillion if I ran over that stupid turtle, so I just swerved like everyone else and shook my fist at it, and tried to calm my dry heaves.

I FREAKING HATE TURTLES.

But then the day got better, because there were no more turtles involved, and I’m currently making tater tot casserole for dinner, which I am very much looking forward to, because I love it, and which Mr. Mock is very much looking forward to, because he’s not having to cook, which as you know, is exceedingly rare in our house, and the only reason I’m continuing this sentence at all right now is to see just how long I can make it before it becomes really obnoxiously run-on-tastic.

I think that was probably about the limit.

Anyway, here’s some owls.

 

Who Said You Don’t Get Better With Age?

Kate Winslet is extraordinarily beautiful, and she just keeps getting more and more beautiful.  And Leonardo di Caprio is aging nicely too.

This is better than a before-and-after.  It’s a Look-Aging-Really-Isn’t-So-Bad photo.  LOVE.

Cee-Lo Green Is Pregnant

I’m guessing 7-8 months along now.

Congratulations, Cee-Lo!  :)

Hi!!!

Sorry for being all non-posty today, mockdockers, but it was Indy 500 day, and I was there with Mr. Mock to soak up all the festivities. And this year, the B2 bomber, which is my MOST FAVORITE PIECE OF MACHINERY ON THE PLANET, did the flyover. I cannot express to you the amount of love I have for that spectacular plane. Seeing it in person always gives me the weepy glees. I don’t know why, exactly, the weeps come, but they do. I think because it’s the same for me as seeing something incredibly beautiful or hearing an amazing singer – I just get overcome with emotion from those things.

Yes. I am a cheeseball.

So I weepygleed over that, and then I got the weeps over Taps, which I ALWAYS get, because there is just something totally magnificent about 350,000 people becoming utterly and completely SILENT when Taps is being played by a single trumpet.

Kelly Clarkson and Seal sang the National Anthem as a duet, which I was kinda worried would be a hot mess but actually turned out to be ok. Parts of it were, in fact, quite nice. But I still will always prefer the National Anthem being sung the way it was originally written. I’m a traditionalist like that.

Anyway, it was a fun but exhausting day. And best of all? Ashley’s husband didn’t win, which meant that we were all spared what would have inevitably been a long diatribe from her in a post race interview. YAY!

Question.


Sleepy Woman Vs Hot Dog – Watch more Funny Videos

Is this woman:

A) Really really sleepy
B) Really really drunk
C) Really really narcoleptic

Discuss.

Question.

Is it just me, or did you watch this ENTIRE VIDEO, and remain totally curious about what songs people were listening to?

My favorite was the Frank Sinatra lady. She was so gleeful. :)

More People Who Enjoy Cats

Hey – remember when I posted that photo of the couple who really enjoy cats?

They could totally be friends with these people.

So Mean. But So Funny.

I KNOW it’s mean. I do. It’s just that I cannot help how much it cracks me up. And besides, he makes up with the kitty afterwords.

Least Appropriate Maternity Photo EVER

You guys may not know this, but Bunny (my sister) is COMPLETELY grossed out by maternity photos.  You know the ones – where hugely pregnant women go and get professional pregnant photos of themselves being all pregnant.  Many of these photos involve putting the pregnant belly on naked, full display.  This produces a very physical reaction in Bunny – who is totally disgusted by the entire process of pregnancy and childbirth anyway.  She gets dry heaves almost instantaneously when she is faced with maternity photos.

We had a conversation about this the other day, which went something like this:

Bunny: Maternity pictures are gross.  It doesn’t matter who does them.  They are disgusting.

Me: No. They’re not.  You’re being ridiculous.  Some of them are beautiful.

Bunny: There is nothing beautiful about a giant, swollen stretched out stomach.

Me: Yes there is.  Because in that giant, swollen stretched out stomach is a precious little baby.

Bunny: It doesn’t matter.  Maternity photos should be against the law.

She then proceeded to send me various pictures of women with giant pregnant bellies in order to prove her point.  And I proceeded to say how lovely they were and how neat it was that in those giant pregnant bellies were precious sweet little children.

And then a friend of mine sent me a link to the maternity edition of the Awkward Family Photo website, and I found the most awesome maternity picture of ALL TIME.  Only not awesome in the sense that it’s tasteful and beautiful, but awesome in the sense that it is so hilariously inappropriate.  I sent it to her, and her response was as follows:

I am deeply offended.  I will need to go hug myself for at LEAST 20 minutes.  This is disgusting. Maternity is disgusting.  And you suck.”

The picture has nakedness in it so I put it after the jump. Continue reading ‘Least Appropriate Maternity Photo EVER’

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