Obviously, We Have To Talk About The Royal Wedding


First of all, Kate Middleton looked totally flawlessly beautifully gorgeously perfect.

I mean, this dress is just everything it was supposed to be only way more.  My only beef with this is the bouquet, which is way too small and way too cheap looking.  But the dress?  EXQUISITE.

And her sister Pippa?  OMG BEANPOLE.  Gorgeous, perfect beanpole.

Just unspeakably beautiful.  I can’t even TAKE how gorgeous they are.  I was at Leroy’s this morning with some of her family and friends, and we were all just in awe.

The Queen looked like an Easter egg, but she’s so old at this point I don’t think she can even help it.  Kate’s mom, who looks like the long lost sister of Anjelica Huston, looked gorgeous in her icy blue, and even Camilla looked ok:

But Fergie’s daughters were total disasters.  LOOK AT HOW WRETCHED they were:

They can’t be serious, right?  I mean, they did this as some sort of huge joke, or as a dare, or SOMETHING.  Because everything is wrong.  EV.ERY. THING.

Harry’s girlfriend was also kind of a trainwreck:

You can’t really tell in that photo, but she’s too tan.  And she needed a brighter lipstick.  And she needed to wear the same COLOR on both top and bottom.  Or just something else entirely.  Ick.

Naturally, my Victoria and David looked AMAZING.  I MEAN LOOK AT THEM.

I just couldn’t love them any harder.  And look at her shoes.  She’s ready to birth a child, and yet she’s in like 8 inch Louboutins.  I LOVE HER SO MUCH.

Anyway, I’m basking in after-wedding happiness right now.  I’ll mock something later.

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  • http://www.eastmemphismoms.com Suzanne

    Have you seen this photo comparing Fergie’s daughters to Cinderella’s step-sisters? Freakin’ HYSTERICAL!


  • Meh

    OMG I couldn’t care less. I would have rather stabbed my eyes with hot peppers while shoving bamboo up my fingernails than watch this BS. Kind of surprised that so many sheeple there are.
    The best thing about tomorrow is….. There is no insipid royal wedding, thank you!!!!

  • Janice


    I was waiting for this – first of all, I saw this photo and thought of you immediately. Mock, LOOK AT HER SHOULDERS!!! I think first, either the dress isn’t finished or she wore it inside out. What the crap is that? A shoulder pad? OY VEY but this is horrible. Frances Osborne, wife of some chancellor. Obviously she doesn’t have any eye sight. Or mirrors. Or friends.

    I want Pippa’s body. Not in a dirty way BB. That dress is the one I’d have worn in my own wedding could I have found it – and now I know – less than 1000$ doesn’t buy you that dress, alas.

    Kate was amazing!! Classy to the 9’s. Loved it all.

  • Charlie

    What a waste of money, the French had the right idea when it comes to a monarchy.

  • janice

    Oh, and one more thing. I think it’s time Harry ditch Chelsey. I think she looks trashy. I can’t decide if its the protruding nostrils? Hair that’s out of place in a bad way? Teeth? Perhaps it’s that umami factor that makes a person exude class and sophistication? She’s just trashy. And clearly using the afore mentioned chancellor’s wife’s stylist/designer. There’s no hem in Chelsey’s skirt? And it is a different color. And what’s up with the wrapped look of way too much fabric up top? You know, put a nose ring in there, give her a couple tatoos and a haircut and you have Pink. Not royal fiber, IMHO. Thoughts?

  • sunnyAZ

    I didn’t watch but gee, Meh, lighten up! Today my husband and I celebrate our Royal 44th anniversary so it is all about us!

  • Buckeye Bob

    I tried, I really tried but I just couldn’t find it in me to care any less about it. 🙁

  • Jeannette

    Suzanne….LMAO! The fact that there’s already a FB page just for Beatrice’s ridiculous hat??!! That’s priceless! …um, the page, NOT the hat.

  • The Captain…


    The Captain…
    Loyal Defender of Daisy, Dandelion and Clan Mock

  • WakeUp

    What.ev.er. Didn’t we kick them out of our country so we wouldn’t have to pay homage to their monarchy?

  • ER

    Fergie’s daughters did look terrible, but it was worth a good laugh. I agree, Kate was flawless and her sister looked wonderful. All the hats amused me. Americans don’t do hats….not much anyhow. Wills looked a bit uneasy, but you could tell Harry was having a blast, trying to crack jokes and get Wills to lighten up. I caught quite a few recaps on the news and overall, it was lovely!!!

  • Anonymous

    I watched it and loved every second of it. I’m about to buy my own hat for a royal wedding party I’m going to tonight. fun fun!

  • Victor

    I can’t think of a single guy who watched it. Why would we? We’d have to get up at o-dark-whatever just to go back to sleep, because that’s what we do at weddings.

  • DirectorEvil

    I think Mr. Beckham is looking up Robbie William’s skirt on a balcony.

  • Rachel

    It’s Derby season around here, so hats are nothing new, but I’ve never seen one quite so Seuss-ian.

    Additionally, I hate to break your heart, Mock, but I really think Victoria HAS to wear shoes like that now because her feet are probably deformed like Barbie feet.

  • So Cal Mom

    Loved it! Tho I caught it on “replay” this afternoon- I wasn’t about to get up in the middle of the night!!!

    LOVED Kate’s dress! I liked looking for the bride’s and groom’s smiles, glances, etc- they seemed quite at ease to me. Her sister looked fantastic, too. Fegie’s daughters’ hats on the other hand…YIKES!!!

    The whole thing does make me want to go to England to see these magnificently old places in person!

  • mikey

    Fergie’s daughters look just as you’d expect of women who were raised by a mother who gets her toes sucked in public and tries to peddle her influence to the highest bidder.

    I’ve heard that the absolute best enabler of male “longevity” is to create a mental picture of Camilla and Charles having sex.

  • http://themockdock.com Punky

    What a vulgar display of a complete waste of money. It’s great they got married, but they couldn’t do it for less? Good Lord! I guess I’m just not a girlie-girl princess type. I’m more of a redneck princess!

  • Buckeye Bob

    The real fairy tail wedding is more like this.
    Once upon a time a man ask a girl to marry him and she said no so he drank beer, ate pizza, watched football, farted whenever he wanted and lived happily ever after.
    The End!

  • Rachel

    Punky — From what I understand this was a budget wedding compared to Charles and Di’s.

  • http://themockdock.com Punky

    Hey Bob – we redneck princesses are ok with men who do those things!

  • burning eyeballs

    British designers need to come here and do some internships. Fergie’s daughters are a train wreck along with Harry’s GF, and Camilla still looks like a bull dog.

    I think Victoria could make a personal fortune as a consultant over there.

  • Leroy

    Love Love Love Love LOVE all of this. I understand the people who say its over the top and unnecessary, but I cant help but LOVE IT!!! Its a real life Disney movie!! Did you all see the first official photos released?!?! OMG GORGEOUS!! http://www.cbsnews.com/2300-504963_162-10007615.html

  • DirectorEvil

    I just came across this line from a report and can’t stop laughing:

    “There’s Kate in the car, beginning her waving career with a tentative, strangely angled motion,” wrote Zoe Williams of the Guardian.

  • Just Sayin’

    Kate and Pippa Middleton were elegant perfection. Just gorgeous. Fergie’s daughters were fugly top to bottom. The horsey tooth one in the stupid hat and the plump girl in the gross dress either have atrocious taste or wanted to create a spectacle. The Queen, Camilla and Kate’s mom all looked good and appropriate for the occasion. Victoria was awesome. David should have worn his OBE metal on the other lapel, but he’s so handsome he can be forgiven.