Monthly Archive for April, 2011

Dumbest New Fad EVER

An alert and astute mockdocker sent me a link to a story about the new fad in facial hair “sweeping the nation.”  And it is the DUMBEST THING EVER.

If you are a dude, DO NOT get “swept up” by this fad, because I promise you that women who are normal will think you’re completely stupid.  And that’s just the best you can hope for.  Many women will not only think you’re completely stupid, but will probably punch you in the face.

Behold:  The Monkeytail Beard

I do like SAYING “monkeytail beard.”  But mostly because I like saying the word “monkey.”

Still.  Don’t do this.

 

 

Inappropriate.

If you think you’re looking at a gym which allows people to work out naked, you are UNFORTUNATELY RIGHT.

Thankfully, it’s across the globe and not anywhere near me.  Specifically, it’s in Spain, and the first line of the sourcelink says, “A gym in Spain’s Basque region has begun offering naked workouts, in order to beat the economic recession.”

I don’t know about you all, but I fail to see how this helps the economy.

Your Self-Esteem Killer Of The Day

See that dude?  That’s a NINETY ONE YEAR OLD body builder.

According to this,  this dude decided at age 85 that rowing 6 days a week just wasn’t enough, so he took up bodybuilding, and has won all sorts of awards and stuff.

“I’m not chasing youthfulness,” he say,  “I’m chasing health.”

Yeah.  I’m going to go get my assular area off the couch now.

Inappropriate Uses For Bread

You know who wouldn’t do this?  Kate Middleton.  I’m just saying.

Speaking of which, I’m off to go and re-watch the entire wedding again at Agent J’s house this evening, so this inappropriate bread will have to tide you over till tomorrow.   :)

Obviously, We Have To Talk About The Royal Wedding

OMG YOU GUYS WASN’T IT AMAZING!??!?!?

First of all, Kate Middleton looked totally flawlessly beautifully gorgeously perfect.

I mean, this dress is just everything it was supposed to be only way more.  My only beef with this is the bouquet, which is way too small and way too cheap looking.  But the dress?  EXQUISITE.

And her sister Pippa?  OMG BEANPOLE.  Gorgeous, perfect beanpole.

Just unspeakably beautiful.  I can’t even TAKE how gorgeous they are.  I was at Leroy’s this morning with some of her family and friends, and we were all just in awe.

The Queen looked like an Easter egg, but she’s so old at this point I don’t think she can even help it.  Kate’s mom, who looks like the long lost sister of Anjelica Huston, looked gorgeous in her icy blue, and even Camilla looked ok:

But Fergie’s daughters were total disasters.  LOOK AT HOW WRETCHED they were:

They can’t be serious, right?  I mean, they did this as some sort of huge joke, or as a dare, or SOMETHING.  Because everything is wrong.  EV.ERY. THING.

Harry’s girlfriend was also kind of a trainwreck:

You can’t really tell in that photo, but she’s too tan.  And she needed a brighter lipstick.  And she needed to wear the same COLOR on both top and bottom.  Or just something else entirely.  Ick.

Naturally, my Victoria and David looked AMAZING.  I MEAN LOOK AT THEM.

I just couldn’t love them any harder.  And look at her shoes.  She’s ready to birth a child, and yet she’s in like 8 inch Louboutins.  I LOVE HER SO MUCH.

Anyway, I’m basking in after-wedding happiness right now.  I’ll mock something later.

Remember When?

Remember when Adam Lambert was just a dude who happened to sing pretty well and wear a little eyeliner?

Yeah.  I don’t even wanna THINK about how long it takes him to look like this.  This isn’t just a little eyeliner.  This is more make up than Tammy Faye Baker wore.  And it looks like he has an entire tub of Vaseline in his hair.

Which reminds me.  Remember when this happened?

Good times.

 

Alanis Morrisette Could Have Used This In Her Ironic Song

Just sayin’.

Betcha Didn’t Think You’d See This Today…

Or perhaps you DID think you’d see a bearded dude in a bird shirt holding a weapon next to a cat and some gourds.  In which case, I lose.

ATTENTION TOWNSPEOPLE: This Is An Example Of A Woman I Would Not Approve Of Mini-Mock Dating When He Grows Up

An alert and astute mockdocker sent me an article about this chick, who is an Actual Person and MOTHER OF FOUR INNOCENT HELPLESS CHILDREN.   And she’s had all sorts of horns implanted in her head, along with basically covering her entire body in tattoos.

I know it makes me prejudiced against horned fanged vampire people, and frankly, I’m ok with that.

Awesome Advertising

I love this.  You know there’s someone at Pizza Hut whose job is to be in charge of figuring out what catchy new slogan or phrase to put up on the signboard, and you kinda have to think that whoever that person is just woke up in the morning without a creative thought in his/her head, and said, “Screw it” and decided to state the obvious.

And you know what?  I would eat at that Pizza Hut JUST BECAUSE of this sign.  I love it.  The only way it could be improved is if it said, “We have pizza and restrooms.”  THEN it’d be perfect.

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