Monthly Archive for January, 2011

It Might Not Stop Icepocalypse…

…but you have to smile at a dachsund taking a bath, with one of my favorite songs in the background.

We are in the midst of an ice storm that is supposed to be EPIC. Like – they’re expecting power lines to come down and trees to fall over and roads to be totally undriveable and frogs to rain from the sky etc. etc. It’s a total midwestern FREAKOUT.

I just got home from driving in it, because I was visiting a potential school for Mini-Mock. Picking a school is HARD, you guys, because each one you want to look at wants to charge you tons of money just to APPLY, and then if you don’t choose it, you lose that money. So essentially it could cost us like $2000 just to APPLY to schools. Ridiculous.

But my point is that I drove through the ice storm, and it wasn’t TOO awful. YET. Mr. Mock was scheduled to show up in a traffic court to fight a speeding ticket tomorrow about 1.5 hours north of here, where the storm is supposed to be much worse. Today, he called the court to see what the weather plan was, and they were all, “We’re open no matter what.” And Mr. Mock said, “Well, if a snow emergency is declared, and I know my truck won’t make it through piles of ice and snow, what will happen if I can’t get there?” And they said, “There will be a warrant for your arrest.”

I think that’s kind of excessive, and I’m pretty irritated that his options are limited to being arrested or trying to drive through treacherous conditions. You know what will probably happen? He’ll get a ticket on the way there for driving during a snow emergency. That would totally be our luck.

Listen you guys – all joking aside, the weather here is kinda freaky right now, and if you notice that nothing gets posted over the next day or so, it’s entirely possible it’s because I have no power. Just FYI.

Even Britney Spears Isn’t Spared From Hideous Bridesmaid Dresses

I think it’s a rule of life that at some point, if you’re a girl, you’re going to wear a hideous bridesmaid dress.  It’s just inevitable.

EVEN FOR BRITNEY SPEARS, who was a bridesmaid in her assistant’s wedding.

No one is safe.  If you have horrid bridesmaid dress experience, please share in the comments.  And attach pictures if you’ve got ’em!

Attention Townspeople: There Are Better Ways To Cope With Boredom Than This

For example, instead of being run over by a train, this dude could have spent the afternoon perusing the archives of The Mock Dock.

Then again, he did just become PART of the archives of The Mock Dock, so perhaps he’s potentially saved someone ELSE from being run over by a train on purpose.

Just come hang out here, you guys. Don’t film yourselves being run over by trains.

Jessica Simpson Looks…Tired.

I know this has nothing to do with Jessica Simpson, but you guys, on the way to Cincy today we got to stop at a Speedway gas station and GUESS WHAT KIND OF COFFEE I GOT?

Oatmeal Cookie.

Oatmeal Cookie flavored COFFEE.  And it was $.99 for TWENTY OUNCES.  It was pretty much the best thing I’ve ever tasted ever.

Jessica Simpson could use a cup or seven.  Full blast on the caffeine.


I am headed off to Cincy today to help a great friend find a wedding dress.  I could think of no better picture to leave you with on this brisk, Saturday morning than this one.  I like to imagine that this is Colonel Oliver North’s secret, not-talked-about fraternal twin.

Date Night

Mr. Mock and I are doing date night this evening, which sorta sucks for you guys because you’ll be deprived of my wit and charm for SEVERAL HOURS.

But look! An alert and astute mockdocker sent me in a video filled with inappropriate vegetation for your viewing pleasure. So now, you can be entertained in my absence for like two whole minutes.


Attention Townspeople: I Will Not Product Test This

According to this, Lady Gaga is going to release a fragrance which will smell like blood and semen.

Apparently, she’s out of ideas on ways to dress shockingly, so she’s moving on to shocking scents now.

She is ridiculous.  But not nearly as ridiculous as someone who would Actually Buy This Perfume.

Mock’s Tip O’ The Day

Do not allow rodents to conduct your dental work.

(At least not without verifying their credentials first.)

Pilates Machines Are Tricky

<a href=";vid=62750fb7-071f-45bc-b702-434cb1bd7881&#038;from=en-us&#038;fg=dest" target="_new" title="Work Out Gone Wrong">Video: Work Out Gone Wrong</a>

An alert and astute mockdocker sent me this video along with a message that said, “THIS is why I do my pilates at home—not because I’m so klutzy that this might happen, but because I’m so klutzy it will happen and I never want witnesses to film it so that I end up on themockdock.”

I kind of love that I’m the reason someone DOESN’T do something. I mean, that implies that I’m relevant in some way, and I enjoy relevancy.

But seriously, this is embarrassing. Workout equipment shouldn’t be something you can Atually Get Tangled up in.

I Don’t Know About You All…

…but I’m scared.

Those jorts look like they could split at any moment.  And honestly, I’m not entirely certain what we’d see as a result.  Gender-wise, this could really go either way.

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