Monthly Archive for October, 2010

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A Hollywood Ball Took Place…

…and it was basically a smorgasbord of plastic surgery. Some good, some not so good. But before we get to the old women with tight faces, let me just show you the PERFECTION that was Halle Berry:

She’s with her new boyfriend, Oliver Martinez, who is SQUINTING because he is practically blinded by her perfection.  She is just indescribably, unspeakably beautiful.  It kiiind of makes me want to punch her in the face.

On the other hand, some of the women after the jump look like their faces have been abused enough.  Still – I wouldn’t mind punching them just for making themselves look so ridiculous.  Check out the good and the bad and the really really ugly!

Continue reading ‘A Hollywood Ball Took Place…’

Question.

If you have a stray coupla kitties, and you don’t want them, what on earth might compel you to tape them up into a box and leave them at the Social Security Administration building? I mean, seriously – what is that thought process?

Cutest. Bomb. Ever.

Sean Penn Has Never Looked Better

Sean Penn is busying himself starring in This Must Be The Place, a movie in which he plays Robert Smith of The Cure.

ONLY HE IS NOT PLAYING ROBERT SMITH OF THE CURE.

I know. It was confusing to me too. He’s actually playing an “aging rock star” who has nothing to do with Robert Smith of The Cure, but who inexplicably and nevertheless looks exactly like Robert Smith of The Cure.

BEHOLD Robert Smith of The Cure:

See? Freaky.

I think Sean should keep this look, so that I can continue to mock him for it ad infinitum.

ONE HUNDRED SEVENTY THOUSAND DOLLARS

That’s what this perv has spent on sex dolls. Because they won’t CHEAT ON HIM, he says.

Is it just me, or is the dude who translates what perv says the creepiest sounding dude ever? He’s all, “They belong to me 100%.” (Shudder).

I love how the explanation for this perv is that “he just cannot love real women.” Yeah. THAT’s the reason he gets sex dolls. Mmm hmm.

Wow. It Must Be REALLY HUMID Out.

You know what I hate?  I hate when people wear boots in the summer.  Especially with shorts.  That is stupid and ridiculous and I hate it.

I also hate when people have hair that looks like roadkill.

Best. Fun. EVER.

So we’re back from Kentucky!!! And if you follow SEC football, you know that UGA kicked the assular area of UK, which is awesome not just because it made the game that much more fun, but because UK is Ashley Judd’s school, and even though she is a basketball person more than a football person, her school’s assular area was kicked. So SUCK IT, Ashley Judd.

ANYWAY.

Since this was my first UGA game, and it was an away game, I wasn’t sure what to expect. I kind of anticipated that we’d be in our black and red gear, alone in a sea of blue. But as soon as we were within sight distance of the stadium, it was clear that Dawg fans travel well. There were lots and lots and lots of UGA fans there.

But you know what happened? When Mr. Mock and I were standing outside the stadium, looking at our tickets to figure out where our seats were, the NICEST KENTUCKY FAN ON THE PLANET came up to us, and with her southern twang said, “Y’all look lost.” And before we could even say that we weren’t, she said, “Y’all come over here and have some jello shots and chili,” and she took us by the arms and led us to her family tailgate. And there, we were welcomed into the sea of blue by the NICEST PEOPLE IN KENTUCKY, who fussed over us like we were long lost relatives, and who fed us chili and corn salad and jello shots, and insisted that we be in their family photos, and you guys, it was just the best time ever. I had already been drinking Mr. Mock’s bourbon concoction on the walk from the car to the stadium, and the jello shots capped off my buzz nicely.

We hung with our newly adopted family for a good 45 minutes or so, and then went inside for the game, while they insisted that we come back afterwords, no matter who won, so that we could eat and drink some more.

Here’s some pictures of our new friends. TELL ME these aren’t the nicest people you have ever seen photographed IN YOUR LIFE:

I love them SO MUCH.

See – this just proves that Dawgs and Cats can get along.  🙂

The game was so much fun.  Mr. Mock was just BEAMING with happiness to be at a UGA game, since it’s been basically a decade that he’s been to one in person.  And we were in the visitors’ section, and all the UGA fans were super fun, but this one was my favorite:

That guy was on his feet, dancing and air-spanking and cheering and grinning the ENTIRE GAME.  He was almost as much fun to watch as the game itself.

Anyway, the Dawgs won, and it was just the best time ever, and I hope we get to go to another game soon because I am HOOKED.

And this was just the perfect way to start off what’s going to be a totally splendiferous week, because Tuesday Governor Christie is coming to be the keynote at the state dinner, and I’m going to attempt to hug assault him, and then Wednesday we are off to Sin City, and there is absolutely no way that we won’t have enormous amounts of fun there, because that is what we do.

Of course, I have to get through two grueling days of work first, but STILL.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!

Guess Where I Am?

Don’t you hate when people ask you to guess something, when really you’d just as soon not waste your time guessing but just have them tell you the something that they’re asking you to guess?

Oh all right. I’ll just tell you. I’m in Suki, and Mr. Mock is driving, and we are headed to Lexington, Kentucky to see the UGA/KY game this evening. It’s the first UGA game I’ve ever been to in person, and Mr. Mock hasn’t been to one since his bachelor party weekend, which means it’s entirely possible he doesn’t even remember that one, because you know how bachelor parties are.

ANYWAY, we are headed into enemy territory, decked out in our red and black gear, and I am actually very excited about this. Mr. Mock has made his Beam and Coke Zero concoction and put it in tupperware so that we can get ourselves nice and happy before we head into the stadium. We’re about half way there, and Mr. Mock let me listen to any music I wanted until just a few minutes ago, when he switched it to the Auburn/LSU game. So I took full advantage, and listened to Styx and Coldplay and Madonna and Corinne Bailey Rae and Blue October, because I didn’t want to subject Mr. Mock to Robbie Williams when he’s so excited for the big game tonight.

So that’s where I am. You probably wouldn’t have guessed that, so it’s good that I just went ahead and told you, don’t you think?

Kanye West Could Probably Pay Off My Mortgage With His Bottom Teeth

According to this, Kanye West replaced his bottom teeth with diamonds.

Yes. You read that correctly. He told Ellen DeGeneres, “It’s really my real teeth. It’s replaced my bottom row of teeth. I just thought the diamonds were cooler. There’s just certain stuff that rock stars are supposed to do.”

I’d like to see the rock star policy manual, to confirm that this is, indeed, what they’re supposed to do. Because if it is, then I know of several thousand rock stars who are not in compliance with the diamond teeth policy.

This Happened.

And yet, somehow, we all survived.

Wow.

Ummm….

Dog the Bounty Hunter miiiiiiiight want to look into a cool invention called sunscreen.

Holy crap you could make toast on his face.

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