Monthly Archive for September, 2010

Your Thursday Evening Dose Of Sexy

Try to control yourselves, mockdocker men.

She’s probably married.

This Is The Scariest Thing You Will See Today

If there were ever a human being DESIGNED for hog-calling, this woman is IT.

THIS IS THE BEST THING YOU WILL SEE ALL DAY

Bunny sent this to me today, and I am SO IN LOVE with this video. It’s the most cheesetastic cheesariffic hunk of cheeseocity. I can’t stop watching it. Dancin’ Kim is so totally rad, with her rad dancing moves and Carly Simon smile.

If you are in a bad mood, you won’t be after you watch this. It’s impossible.

?????

This is so weird, because I TOO break out into beatboxing whenever I am puzzled over the whereabouts of chapstick.

FREAKY COINCIDENCE.

This Is Completely Awesome

An alert and astute mockdocker, knowing my love for monkeys, sent me this article, about New Delhi using TRAINED MONKEYS to  patrol the grounds during a sporting event.  The monkey’s job assignment?  To scare away smaller, stray monkeys.

The trained monkeys will be leashed and accompanied by trainers, and will be rented out by the organizers of the event.

Here’s what they look like on the job:

You realize what would happen if this idea took off in the US, right?  UNIONS WOULD ORGANIZE THEM.  And then they’d be paid more than any of us, with full pensions.

I Don’t Know Where This Is…

…but I am DYING to show up there just to see someone with an octopus.  You know they’d be all, “Oh crap.  I don’t have a ticket, but I DO happen to have an octopus!  What luck!”  And then they’d reach into their octopus-carrier and whip out their octopus and they’d say, “Here you go, ticket-taker person.  BEHOLD my octopus.  Now please allow me through the gate.”

LOVE.

Sister Wives – Anyone Watch?

Did you guys catch the premiere of Sister Wives earlier this week? The reality show about the dude in Utah (of course) with 3 wives, who’s about to add a fourth?

I loved the show, in much the same way as I enjoy any freak show. Like the shows about people who are covered with hair, or about people who only eat french fries, or Hoarders. I love them all.

The women on Sister Wives seemed surprisingly well-adjusted and, you know, normal. This is, of course, why they were chosen for a reality show. Because we, the audience, are expected to think, “Oh look! This is totally working for them, and so we should just consider this a normal, regular thing and accept it.”

I’ll admit it. There were moments where I thought, “Well, sure. They seem like lovely people who are making a very unusual situation work for them.” But then afterwords I found myself thinking, “This is wack. Not to mention, you know, illegal and stuff.”

And now, according to this, they’re being investigated by the police. The family says, “We are di$appointed in the announcement of an inve$tigation, but when we decided to do thi$ $how, we knew there would be ri$k$. But for the $ake of our family, and mo$t importantly, our kid$, we felt it wa$ a ri$k worth taking.

Yes. It’s ALWAYS good for kids to have a home filled with tv crews and cameras. Don’t you see how they HAD TO DO THIS? FOR THE CHILDREN????

Don’t you?

Hump Day Hilarity

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.

The letter read:

Dear God,

I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment.

Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?

Sincerely, Edna

The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.

Christmas came and went.

A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.

It read:

Dear God,

How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me?

Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.

By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it might have been those bastards at the post office.

Sincerely, Edna

You Know What’s Unfortunate?

That this guy is going to give birth in such squalor.

Sad.

Obviously, I’m Unavailable This Evening

Because HELLO:

It’s Glee. Plus Britney.

GLITNEY.

I’ll catch you guys afterwords.

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