Monthly Archive for August, 2010

Salma Hayek Would Like You To Remember That She Has Boobs

Duly noted, Salma.  Duly noted.

Spiderman Has Kids

This isn’t camera magic, right? This is just incredibly acrobatic dudes who can scale walls. I am MESMERIZED by them. And I’m totally stressed out by the end of this video. WHAT IS HE GOING TO DO?????

Troy Polamalu’s Hair Is Ridiculous

Come on, you guys. This really is absurd. According to this, Troy’s hair has now been insured for a million dollars. By Head and Shoulders.

If you’re a football player, and you’re playing against Troy, I totally don’t blame you for grabbing onto this giant pile of hair and pulling down as hard as you can.  Because I totally would, if I were a football player.

This is like Twisted Sister and Diana Ross hair fused together and then multiplied by a factor of a billion.

Dislike.

DAISY HAS THE COOLEST GHOST EVER!!!

You guys, Daisy had SIX COP CARS at her house today. And we had a big giant IM exchange about the whole thing which, now that everything has calmed down, makes me laugh SO HARD.

You need to read it. It’s right here.

I’m totally going to facesmash Daisy’s ghost.

This Is A BOY

Happy Tuesday!

Dumbest. Car Accessory. EVER.

Seriously – who comes UP with this crap? What kind of head injury does one have to sustain to think this is a good idea?

Paris Hilton Is Way Dumber Than I’ve Previously Given Her Credit For

According to this, the cop who arrested Paris for drug possession stopped the Escalade she was riding it because of the “the strong odor of marijuana coming from the vehicle.”  Once she was asked to get out of the car, she asked the cop if she could go to the bathroom (this happened in front of the Wynn hotel which is where Mr. Mock and I are staying in October and I am SO ANNOYED she couldn’t have waited to do this until then when I could have seen it in person).   Then, she told the cop she needed her lip gloss, and when the cop went to hand her the purse, a baggie fell out and right into his hands.  A baggie filled with cocaine.  And some joint-rolling wrappers.  And an albuterol tablet.  The albuterol was the only thing Paris claimed as her own.  She said the coke and the PURSE weren’t hers – that she’d borrowed them from a friend.  And according to this cop, when he asked her about the cocaine, she said, and I’m not making this up, that SHE THOUGHT IT WAS GUM.

Let’s review.

Gum:

Cocaine:

The thing is, Paris is either the dumbest chick ever for not knowing the difference between gum and cocaine, or she’s the dumbest chick ever for assuming that saying she thought a bag of cocaine was gum would actually fly with the cop.

Either way.  This chick is a moron.  And she’s probably going to jail, in which case we can look forward to more photos that look like this:

Emmy Fashion Review

I’ll be honest – I completely forgot about the Emmy’s last night. It wasn’t till this morning when I saw that clip of the intro that I realized I’d missed it. And yet somehow, I have SURVIVED.

I’ve had time to catch up on some of the outfits, and thought I’d share a few that were of interest.

I love how Tina Fey looks.  The dress is gorgeous, even if it IS kind of  hieroglyphics-y.

Lily Tomlin – I would almost understand this if the bottom part of the dress didn’t look like it had been shredded by the very zebra who lost its life to make this horrid frock.

I get that it’s hurricane season.  But I see no reason to have a dress made to point that out.  And if you’re GOING to have a dress made with a hurricane on it, why would you have the eye of the storm on your sidal area, and not somewhere more interesting, like right over your belly button?  I have no idea who this person is.

LOVE.  Glenn Close looks FABULOUS.

But you guys, LOOK at Rita Wilson:

She’s like the high priestess of frump.  But even more heinous are her shoes.  Look closely:

Which hotel had their lobby chandelier stolen to make these godawful things?

Glee + Emmy Opening Act = Pure Awesome

In case you missed it:

LOVE. The only way this could have been improved would have been for Jimmy Fallon to pull Courtney Cox out of the audience to do the white man’s dance at the end.

How People Find The Mockdock: Late Summer Edition.

For the months of July and August:

Top keyword searches:

1. themockdock
2. joey lawrence gay
3. kim kardashian
4. colondra hamilton
5. window cats + mockdock
6. joey lawrence bulge
7. kate gosselin belly
8. antoine dodson
9. why do girls hiss when they pee
10. ashley judd pregnant

Seriously – why is joey lawrence so popular?

My favorites are these:

1. adrien grenier penis
2. boobchat
3. appollonia’s armpits
4. ann curry panties
5. ashley judd lazy eye
6. toe fungus celebrity
7. sometimes people write novels and they just be so wordy
8. ashley judd puffy face
9. I love licking womens calloused crusty feet heels
10. mispelt status updates

So there you have it. We’re surrounded by pervs. HI PERVS!!! :)

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