I am a total omnomnomagon today. Mr. Mock made us the most glorious steak and mashed potatoes and green beans dinner, and he bought a huge chocolate cake for dessert. And you know why? Because this morning, I had to go to the dentist. And you may recall how I feel about dental visits. I hate them SO MUCH. And it’s not like I even have toothular issues. I don’t. The last time I had a filling, I was like 8, and I’ve only ever had two fillings. I’ve never had root canals or crowns or anything like that. But I LOATHE AND DESPISE going to the dentist.
The same thing happened today as last time; specifically, I informed the hygienist immediately that I hated being there, I hated coming to the dentist, I hated the dental cleaning process, and I hated her. “It’s nothing personal,” I said, “but I hate your guts right now.” And she smiled broadly and giggled as if I didn’t mean it, which of course I did.
Mr. Mock knows how much I hate the dentist, and so I texted him afterwords to let him know that my visit was finished and that I hated it, and he said, “I’m sorry – is there anything I can do?” And I said, “The only thing that will help is one of your delicious steak dinners and a chocolate cake.” And he wrote back, “We’ll see.” And not only did he make me a delicious steak dinner and bring chocolate cake, he brought me a bouquet of flowers too.
I swear, I have no idea what I did to deserve him.
This one came from Daisy today, and I love it SO MUCH:
Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter was.
The first blonde said, “Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey.” St. Peter said, “Noooooo,” and he banished her to hell.
The second blonde said, “Easter is when we celebrate Jesus’ birth and exchange gifts.” St. Peter said, “Noooooo,” and he banished her to hell.
The third blonde said she knew what Easter is and St. Peter said, “So, tell me.”
She said, “Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples when he was betrayed by Judas and the Romans arrested him. The Romans hung Him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder.
St. Peter said, “Verrrrrry good.”
Then the blonde continued, “Now every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of basketball.”
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…and I’ve been struggling with it all day, frankly. You know how sometimes there is just really tough stuff you have to say to someone, and you don’t know how they’ll react, and so you have to really mull over how you’re going to deliver the message?
That’s how I feel right now. I mean, I’ve “virtually” known many of you mockdockers for over two years now, and divulging something of this magnitude is a Big Deal regardless of how longstanding our relationship might be. It’s just not something I wanted to dump on you without any warning, so I’ve decided to not post the news on the front page. Jump in, and brace yourselves, for what I’m about to reveal will BLOW YOUR MIND. Continue reading ‘I Don’t Know Quite How To Break This News To You All…’