Monthly Archive for August, 2009

Mechanical Bull vs. Landbeast

OMG.

LOVE.

Cuddle Time!

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An alert and astute mockdocker sent me a totally disturbing link about cuddle parties.  I think the picture above sort of shows why this is a disturbing new phenomenon.  I mean – EEEEEW.  So much skin to skin contact with strangers.  Eeew.  You know what?  Even if these were all friends of mine, I’d still be grossed out.  And you know I’m a hugger.  I just prefer CLOTHED hugs. 

Anyway, my favorite part of this mockdocker’s email was when she told me about a dream she’d just had:

Just to let you know that I had a dream about my alert and astute mockdocker sister (whole really is an alert and astute mockdocker BTW) and that she announced to the family that she was in fact Mockarena!   OMG!  How cool would that be to have you as my sis!”

I totally love that, and hope Bunny reads this and appreciates me.  :)

Ashley Judd Is A Total Nutcase. In Related News, The Earth Is Round.

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Apparently, other people are just now figuring out what I have been telling you mockdockers for like 2 years now – which is that Ashley Judd is a freaking LOON.

According to Us Weekly, Ashley is all settled in to the campus life at Harvard for her public administration classes, and she decided to invite a few chicks from one of her classes to her house for a “sharing circle.”  Because that is the kind of new-age nonsense that Ashley likes to take part in, when she’s not crying about wolves and wearing enormous pearls.

So, like normal college women, the invitees assumed they were going to a regular get-together.  What they neglected to take into account was that ASHLEY JUDD was hosting, which means “get-together” automatically translates into “forced social awkardness.”

Apparently, Uber-Feminist Ashley insisted that each girl stand up and give a personal monologue, and talk about themselves for a few minutes.  

I could almost see that, if after each girl were finished, they all got to chill out and be normal.  But after the monologues were complete, Ashley said, “Thank you all for coming” and then showed them the door.  What in the holy hell? 

HATE.

Regret

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This is apparently Bradley Cooper and Renee McLemonSucker pulling in to check into a Beverly Hills hotel together.

This is what I’m guessing they’re thinking:

Renee:  OMG I have no idea how I ever thought Bradley Cooper would stay interested in me, what with my impossibly perpetually puckered sour facial expression and all. 

Bradley:  I should have picked Aniston.

And The Collection Grows…

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I’m actually not a fan of this one. He looks too mean.

I Will Never Eat Cheetos Again

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You can blame this one on Buckeye Bob. :)

Landbeasts Need Pageants Too

So I’m waaaaaay behind on emails, you guys, but couldn’t help notice the title of a message that an alert and astute mockdocker sent me which said simply, “landbeast beauty contest.” Naturally, I had to open it first and foremost. And oh happy day – it was exactly as billed.

LOVE.

Inexplicable Subway Outfit

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I’m going to go out on a limb here, and guess that this person is often extremely lonely.

You guys – Mr. Mock and I took Mini-Mock out for dinner tonight, and we went to an Italian place where they serve the most delicious Shrimp Scampi, which is basically like a small bowl of shrimp SMOTHERED in garlic and lemon sauce, and every time I order it I enjoy the crap out of it…until I get home.  You would not believe the amount of garlic that I actually consume when I eat this particular shrimp scampi.  I mean, there are actual CHUNKS of garlic in there, that I end up eating whole.  And now that I’m home, I reek so much that I can hardly stand to be around myself.  Mr. Mock is sitting across the room because I am that unbearable to be around.  At least HE can escape.  I am sort of stuck with myself.

And the thing is, I’ll still reek tomorrow – even after I’ve showered.  It takes a few days for this much garlic to work itself out of my system.  And I know this, before I order it, yet I order it anyway.

I have a hunch that I’m going to feel about as lonely as the subway dude tomorrow…because no one will want to come within 3 yards of me.

Another Person Who Shouldn’t Be Allowed Near Spandex

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What sort of pose is this?  I mean, who stands like this?  Ever?

You know what I’d like to do?  Present this woman with a good sports bra.

Sorry posting has been non-existent today, mockdockers.  Daisy and I spent the day at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway watching the Moto GP race with our respective spousal units as well as Daisy’s precious stepson.  You should see the way her stepson cringes whenever he sees me, because he knows he won’t escape my hugs.  It’s simply not an option.  Mr. Daisy has kind of accepted the fact that I’m a hugger, but stepson Daisy still cringes.  Plus, he’s 15, so he’s at that age which makes it TOTALLY UNCOOL to be hugged by anyone over the age of, say, 18.

All of that makes me want to hug him even more.  :)

I’m sure he’ll be extra excited that I’m telling the hugging story along with the above picture, too.

You Know What’s Weird About Me?

I know what you’re thinking after reading that post heading.  You’re thinking, “Jeez Mock – we don’t have all night, here.”  And I realize that the list is long, but I thought I would share a PARTICULAR weirdness that I have, in the hopes that it would then encourage the rest of you to share YOUR weirdnesses, and then we could all just sort of hang out here at the Mock Dock and be weird together.

Ok, so here goes.

I prefer Swiss Cheese when it has lots of holes.

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I know.

This is the part when you say, “Um..Mock – you’re aware that the more holes there are, the less Actual Cheese you’re getting, right?”  And here’s the thing.  I KNOW!!  And yet, I continue to prefer really holey cheese.  What IS that?

I’m not proud of it.  But it’s who I am, and I just felt like you ought to know. Like I owed it to you, in fact, to let you be aware of this oddity.

And you?  Any weirdnesses you’d like to share?  Come on, now.  Don’t leave a sister hangin’.

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