Monthly Archive for July, 2009

Page 2 of 12

Worst. Combover. EVER.

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I mean, seriously.  What is the POINT of that slice of hair? 

And look at how tidy it is.  It looks like you could lift up that flap of hair in one piece, and underneath it maybe there’d be like a circuitboard or something. And then maybe if you touched the ends of two circuitboard wires, he’d start clapping like a monkey.

If that’s the case, I wholeheartedly support this look.

P.S. Don't forget! County/State Fair photo contest going on RIGHT NOW! See here for details: FAIR CONTEST!

This Is For Bunny

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How supremely comfortable in his own sexuality is this dude?  And how much do you want to know what the fine print at the bottom of his shirt says?

I’m dedicating this post to Bunny because she loves the word “balls” so much.

P.S. Don't forget! County/State Fair photo contest going on RIGHT NOW! See here for details: FAIR CONTEST!

Today’s Mini Mockism

OMG you guys – you know that commercial for Menard’s?  And there’s the little jingle at the end that goes, “Save Big Money at Menaaaaard’s”?

It was just on, and Mini-Mock turned to me and sang, in the same tune, “Take me, Mommy in your arms!”

Have I mentioned that I love this age?

P.S. Don't forget! County/State Fair photo contest going on RIGHT NOW! See here for details: FAIR CONTEST!

This Week, In Hypersensitive People Who Take Political Correctness To An Obnoxious Extreme News…

…we have this report, about some Native Americans being outraged that Jessica Simpson used the term “Indian Giver” when asked if she’d be taking back a boat she had bought for Tony Romo.

Seriously. 

Seriously?

Seriously.  You guys, Jessica Simpson is waaaaay too dumb to have meant any offense by this.   But because people have become so freaking sensitive to everything, there’s all this offense being taken and self righteous indignation and it’s just the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard of. 

Naturally, the executive director of the National Congress of American Indians, Jacqueline L. Pata, had to weigh in.  She explained that “the concept of Indians giving and sharing with one another is where the term originated, but has somehow morphed into an insensitive phrase that stereotypes Native people as ones who give and then take back.”  She went on to say that, “Most people flippantly use the comment ‘Indian giver’ without realizing its true meaning.”  

EXACTLY.  When people say it, it’s not like they’re purposefully setting out to offend Native Americans.  Which is why this whole thing is so patently stupid.  So yeah – Pata said that this would be an opportunity for folks to learn that culturally, this isn’t correct.  But at this point, does anyone really associate the term “Indian Giver” with Actual Indians?  Seriously. 

Our entire country is tanking, and this is what people are getting upset about these days.  Some common slang that came out of Jessica Simpson’s blond head.

WTF?

P.S. Don't forget! County/State Fair photo contest going on RIGHT NOW! See here for details: FAIR CONTEST!

Product Watch

Look at this ad I got from an alert and astute mockdocker, you guys! It’s like Human Febreeze!

P.S. Don't forget! County/State Fair photo contest going on RIGHT NOW! See here for details: FAIR CONTEST!

DO. NOT. WANT.

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This APPEARS to be a bottled water product.   In which case OMG.

I don’t know whether to thank or be mad at the alert and astute mockdocker who sent this to me.

P.S. Don't forget! County/State Fair photo contest going on RIGHT NOW! See here for details: FAIR CONTEST!

Do You Ever Get Reminded Of Your Age, In Such A Way That It Feels As Though Your Age Has Punched You In The Face?

Yeah.  That’s how I felt just now when I read that Prince’s Purple Rain album is TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD.

Do you realize what that means?  That means it’s entirely possible that there are people reading this site who wouldn’t even be familiar with the word “album.”  That’s how much younger they are than me.

Holy crap.

I remember getting that record, you guys.  As in, it was an actual RECORD that you played on an Actual Record Player.  And all of my friends and I tried to play it backwards to listen for secret demonic messages.  And we listened to “Darling Nikki” and prayed our parents wouldn’t ever figure out the lyrics so we could keep listening to it.  And we were SO COOL.  My GOD we were cool.

I remember even doing the When Doves Cry dance at school dances. 

You don’t get cooler than that, mockdockers.

P.S. Don't forget! County/State Fair photo contest going on RIGHT NOW! See here for details: FAIR CONTEST!

Hi!

No better way to start off an evening of mockery than with the latest photo of Ice T’s wife, Coco.

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You know what?  I don’t even think she’s in mid-sit or mid-stand here.  In fact, I don’t think this is an action shot whatsoever. I think this is her preferred standing pose.  As in, this is how she stands.

P.S. Don't forget! County/State Fair photo contest going on RIGHT NOW! See here for details: FAIR CONTEST!

ATTENTION TOWNSPEOPLE: I Was The Subject Of A Mockdocker’s Dream!

Listen to this hilarious email I got from an alert and astute mockdocker. She wrote:

“I had the craziest dream last night that I randomly bumped into you in the cafeteria line at my work. I was all “OMG, that is Mockarana!!!” So I started talking to you and you invited me over to your house. I don’t know why you were in my work café. But anyway…you lived in a huge house – all fancy shmancy – right behind my work. Your hot alcoholic younger brother lived with you. You had three dogs. A Chihuahua, a Yellow Lab and a Pitbull. I don’t remember their names. You cooked me dinner. We had fish sticks, carrots and crinkle fries…but you felt bad because you forgot to buy tartar sauce. You informed me that my stepfather was spying on me on The Mock Dock and told me what his username was so that I could be on the lookout for him! I don’t think I’ve ever seen your face…but you looked like a cross between a pretty Martha Stewart (if there were one) and Amy Poehler.”

When I first read this, I giggled SO MUCH, and then I responded by letting her know how utterly inaccurate nearly everything about me in her dream was. Let’s examine:

1. I do not live in a huge house. And “fancy shmancy” is the last phrase anyone would ever use EVER to describe it. Ever. It’s like the most ordinary house that ever was.
2. I don’t have a brother. I just have Bunny, who IS younger, but who, as far as I know, isn’t an alcoholic. And she doesn’t live with me.
3. I have no dogs.
4. As Mr. Mock will gladly/sadly attest, I do not cook for HIM, let alone anyone else. I would be hard pressed to correctly identify tartar sauce in the grocery store. In fact, I’d be hard pressed to correctly identify a grocery store.
5. I’ll leave it up to you all to respond to the Martha Stewart/Amy Poehler comparison.

Anyway, I just love love love that I was the subject of a mockdocker’s dream. How fun is that?

P.S. Don't forget! County/State Fair photo contest going on RIGHT NOW! See here for details: FAIR CONTEST!

I Believe This Is My First Ever Jonas Brothers Post

I’ve heard the name “Jonas Brothers” now and again, but since I’m old, and they’re like 14, I haven’t cared enough to write about them. Until now. This is video footage taken by certifiably INSANE Joe Jonas fans, of their reaction to him crying on stage. Why he’s crying makes no difference. LISTEN TO THE FANS. The one that sounds the most insane, correct me if I’m wrong, sounds like a grown woman. As in, not a teenager. As in, in desperate need of some valium.

Now before someone gets all, “So what, Mock – you didn’t scream at the Britney concert? You don’t think it was immature of you to go to see Britney?” let me just clarify a couple of things. First of all, I totally cheered at the Britney concert. Cheering and screaming like an insane psychopath are two different things. Secondly, I am the first to admit it was totally immature to go see Britney. I fully embrace my immaturity in that respect. But I’m telling you right now, if Britney had broken into a full-on sob at her concert, I would have looked at Daisy and Leroy, giggled, and then hopped on line to mock her for it. The only person allowed to cry without fear of mockery at his own concert is Robbie Williams. BEHOLD:

See how choked up he gets at the end? At all of the overwhelming love people have for him?

Ok – who am I kidding. If I’d been at that Robbie concert, I would have been crying and screaming every bit as much as the insane Jonas Brothers chick.

Never mind.

P.S. Don't forget! County/State Fair photo contest going on RIGHT NOW! See here for details: FAIR CONTEST!
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