Hey – Do You Guys Think My Throat Is Fat?

I cannot tell you how tempted I am to buy this. An alert and astute mockdocker sent this to me with a message that said, “I saw this and instantly thought of you.” And at first I was all flattered that someone would see this and think that it was hilarious and that they’d then think, “OMG Mock would love this.” BUT THEN – I thought, “OMG – this alert and astute mockdocker instantly thought of me when she saw this because she thinks I have a fat throat.

And now I’m all self-conscious about the fatness of my throatular area. Great.

Anyway, for $20 it’s almost worth it, because listen. Forever ago, like seriously 20+ years ago, I had really bad asthma and I was put on steroids for it. And I am totally not making this up, but I developed a little pocket of fat right under my chin – like a wattle, kinda – from the steroids. It’s not something I have ever really obsessed about UNTIL I GOT THIS EMAIL. But now that I’ve seen this video, I swear to you I’ve examined this wattle like 17 times in the mirror, and now I’m convinced that it’s totally horrifically obvious to everyone, and I must do something about it at once.

Now before you go thinking I’ve lost my mind, let me assure you that I’m not so naive that I think this product will actually work. BUT HOW FUN would it be to product test it? Seriously. I could capture video of myself using it for you guys, and then I could do before and after pictures and you can all decide if there’s any improvement. But I would need some serious reassurance from all of you that you won’t actually make fun of my wattle. Because as of about a half hour ago, I’ve become very sensitive about it.

And WHAT IF it actually did something about my wattlular area? I mean, it’s POSSIBLE, right? Stranger things have happened.

Now I ask you, has there ever been a better reason to donate to The Mock Dock than in support of this kind of research?

UPDATE: Edited to correct spelling of “wattle” for the Mock Dock’s resident grammar nazi. 🙂

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  • http://domestiquette.net Wendy

    Actually it will work.

    According my husband’s ex-boss’s wife, who told me at least twice how I should be doing exercises to get rid of my wattle (and flatten my tummy… and…). She didn’t have anything under her chin despite those saddle bags (LOLOL) so I guess it did work.

    (snork)

  • Amy

    For the record…I don’t think I’ve ever seen your throat. LOL! And if it makes you feel better…I could use some throat exercise myself. I think we should have some sort of competition!

  • Wiz of ID

    I want to know how one becomes a “world-renown physiotherapist”?

  • mga

    “I could use some throat exercise myself. I think we should have some sort of competition!”

    ummmm…..

  • Nancy

    OMG! This what I have been thinking about ALOT! I have developed that waddle…I worried about it 50 pounds ago and it is prominent now….forget my menopot, the neck thing has me concerned! I would be interested in trying this.

    I have neck problems in the back too (not fat, just pain) and the more I think about this it could maybe help alleviate the pain!

  • Buckeye Bob

    There are cheaper ways of exercising your throat.

  • http://www.myspace.com/dorkymcspazatron Oliva J. Snarkypants

    Ok, I just want to point out a few things.

    1. There was no mention of how long it took these women to “redefine their neckline”. (Apparently men look good with neck waddle and don’t need this.) Yes, it’s just a measly 2 minutes a day, but for how many days???

    2. My first husband used to workout like mad. He was pretty built for a while. And then he stopped. And it immediately turned to fat, almost overnight. What do you think will happent to your neck when you stop? You could be stuck doing this for the rest of your life.

    With that said, I sooo want to see if it works. So please trim up that waddle, and make a video. And pictures every week so we can track your results. And a contest sounds fun. Do it!!!!

    3. Why do Americans automatically think that if it comes from overseas it’s vastly better than anything made here? “European neck cream”? Really? Is that as cool as “ancient Chinese medicines”? Just because it’s not American made doesn’t make it exotic and more effective.

  • Anonymous

    WTF? Why is my comment all out of order? Obviously 3 was supposed to be after 2….

  • Hatchetwoman

    WATTLE! It’s “wattle” not “waddle”!

    To waddle is to walk like a duck. Or a penguin.

    There. I feel better now.

  • HurleyBurleyGirl

    This is just plain stupid.

  • jessy

    when i saw it i thought of you too [not because you may or may not have a neck wattle(thankyou hatchetwoman)] probably because it is crazy enough for you to try 🙂

  • R

    Mock, I’m sure the alert and astute mockdocker who sent that email to you is trying to crawl under her desk right now because you took it personally. I think we all send to you things we think are hysterical, ludicrous, and/or simply worthy of being mocked because YOU GET US. With that in mind, I can’t imagine that the sender was hinting that you need this piece of trash. And you can bet the next time I send you an email in an attempt to be labeled “astute and alert” that I am not making a personal comment on you.

    I say take OJS’s advice on this one–avoid crap and buy American.

  • Mockarena

    I know. 🙂 But I still think it’ll be hilarious to product test it. 🙂

  • http://themockdock.com Punky

    Oh my God, Bob I just exercised my throat – I just swallowed wrong! (My popsicle you sick people!) Bob, I can always count on you to make me laugh out loud!

  • Mikey

    Most guys would come to Bob’s conclusion. And a simple palm to the forehead or pulling on the ponytail will provide all the necessary resistance.

    OJS: If you have to do it for the rest of your life, I guess you have to join Wattle Watchers.

  • PurpleAnn

    I’m glad it comes with a storage pouch. This item would look pretty suspect laying out in the open.

  • foxy

    Please product test it… for all of us curious georges out here 😉

  • Daisy

    Oh, for chrissake. You officially have throatular dysmorphic disorder. I think they have medication for that. It’s called margaritas and a truckload of chips and salsa at El Meson.

  • http://zackapalooza.wordpress.com/ Zachary

    Mockarena, your wattle can’t be as bad as my eighth grade teacher’s fupa. She was permanently three months pregnant, we decided.

    I am not even making this up. Random people would come up to her and ask her if she was pregnant, and she would vent to our class about it. She had a pregnancy pooch for like five years.

  • meganyore

    HA BOB!
    Wattle Watchers HAHA
    i would rather have a wattle than look that ridiculous.
    yea.. 2 mintues a day for a WHOLE YEAR!!
    can you over-do it I wonder?!? develop some kind of weight lifter neck?
    this reminds me of that “i must, i must increase my bust” thing.