Ho.Lee.Crap.

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I can’t decide if this is a landbeast or an overly steroidy dude, but either way, I am frightened of him.   He looks hungry and freckly and smug.  And that is a bad combination, as I’m sure you’re all well aware.

Can you even imagine how much more of him there is below the photo line? Believe me, I would have been happy to show you had the photo not COME to me this way.

Perhaps we should all give a silent prayer of thanks.  That we’ve been spared.

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  • HurleyBurleyGirl

    I feel the tremendous (get it?) urge to paint him green with the leftover bright green paint from my bathroom project.

  • Buckeye Bob

    I’m guessing he’s not a Jockey.

  • DM

    I’m trying to figure out what the wallpaper design is. Never in my life have I seen anything so ugly…wallpape AND man.

  • Captain Ana Banana

    Definitely steroids. I don’t think fat can get so…bubbly-ish.

  • Mikey

    This individual and his wallpaper have a decidedly eastern bloc appearance. My guess is that he has been consuming/injecting some substances that shouldn’t exist, much less be put into a human body. And like many of the males in that part of the world, he won’t live to see 55.

  • Directorevil

    It’s Bob-a-roid!

  • http://zackapalooza.wordpress.com Zachary

    Twenty bucks he has a speedo on.

  • Mikey

    Twenty bucks he has an AK-47 in his apartment.

  • Kami

    He’s better looking than the He/she/it a page ago. I’d say he’s a football player or a WWWhatever wrestler.

    I do agree that the wall paper is ugly–almost like Satanic scribbles on the walls.

  • Jessica

    him + the wallpaper is the stuff made of madness.

  • jenn

    Why is it that guys the size and shape of him always want to squeeze into the half a seat next to me on the bus?

  • meganyore

    im so glad im not alone when i’m looking at this strange wallpaper…
    LOL mikey!

  • jessy

    if he wasn’t quite so red he’d be able to blend quite nicely into the wallpaper

  • jessy

    i clicked on the aggressivecraps.com link to the right and it was nothing like i expected it to be lol.

  • http://Zackapalooza.wordpress.com Zachary

    Jenn, because they’re sadists and they want to squash you.

  • http://www.myspace.com/dorkymcspazatron Oliva J. Snarkypants

    If I had to venture a guess, I’d say at one point he was probably moderately fit. When weightlifters suddenly stop lifting, the muscle turns to fat pretty quickly. My first husband is proof of that. 😐

    I bet this guys name is either Igor, or Ivan. Or something with a lot of constanants and one vowel.

  • Mikey

    OJS has listed two likely possibilities for his name, with the others being:

    Vlad
    Stanislav
    Boris
    Sergei
    Yuri

    Occupation: Bodyguard and driver for a “New Russian” and his girlfriends who are all high dollar wannabe fashionistas who are basically real life chics from the movie Hostel.

  • Jordon

    Playing football I have seen my share of no neck dudes, but I have never seen a neck vanish into a set of traps like this man. Guy’s a monster.