Kanye Would Like You To Know He Does Not Read. So He Has Written A Book.

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An alert and astute mockdocker sent me an article about Kanye West’s new book.  And the article is just chock full of quotes from Kanye, confirming our collective suspicions that he is, in fact, a complete chump.

So, Kanye isn’t a fan of literature.  He says, “Sometimes people write novels and they just be so wordy and so self-absorbed. I am not a fan of books. I would never want a book’s autograph. I am a proud non-reader of books. I like to get information from doing stuff like actually talking to people and living real life.”

My favorite part of that is when he accuses OTHER PEOPLE of being self-absorbed.  Priceless.  He believes that being a “proud non-reader” was helpful when writing his book because it gave him a “childlike purity.”  I am not even making that up.  He actually said that.

Anyway, as any self-proclaimed non-reader would do, Kanye has naturally co-written a book.   Although I use the term “book” very very very very loosely. It’s called “Thank You And You’re Welcome.”  It’s 52 pages, and some of those pages are actually blank.  I’m sure that’s just part of his art.  Other pages have just a few words.  And it’s peppered with what Kanye describes as “a collection of thoughts and theories.”  So you know it’s super uber profound.

Case in point.  Two pages are devoted to this philosophical blurb:  “Life is 5% what happens and 95% how you react!”  I don’t know about you, but that is LIFE CHANGING for me.  It’s a wonder I’ve been able to wake up every morning without the benefit of Kanye’s wisdom before now.

 Here’s another gem:  “I feel like to misuse, overuse or abuse someone is negative. To use is necessary and if you can’t be used, then you are useless.”

 Kanye dedicated his book to his late mom, and said, “My mom taught me to believe in my flyness and conquer my shyness.  She raised me to be the voice to allow people to think for themselves, to find their own way.”

Again, I think we should all be thanking our lucky stars that the earth has been blessed with the gift of Kanye.  Without his voice, you see, we would have no ability to think for ourselves or find our own way.

Praise be to Kanye.

(snort)

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  • HurleyBurleyGirl

    Kanye: Yes. You are talented. Kids listen to you and copy what you say. You’re a role model whether you like it or not.

    Now. Shut up about not reading.

  • Dani

    Role model of the century! I’m a teacher, and getting kids to read is already hard enough. When morons like this are proud of the fact that they don’t read, it makes it even harder. I can see it now…”Come on Miss D, Kanye doesn’t read and he’s rich and famous.” Ugh!

  • Tatertot

    Hey, Kanye’s right, listen to him. You teachers, put down the flag – relax and just move to LA and become wardrobe assistants, go with the flow.

    Just take look at MTV’s “Cribs” and see what you can get by jumpin’ out there into the world without wasting time on developing talent and reading books and crap like that.

  • Hatchetwoman

    I’m not surprised that he wrote a book. He can’t sing either, but that didn’t stop him in his other career.

    I see people like him and I think of that wonderful, descriptive phrase I first ran across in “Gone With the Wind”: Mule in horse harness.

    It doesn’t matter how rich you are, or how many people slaver over you, if you’re an idiot.

  • ME

    What do you mean Kanya is a non reader.. he has perfect grammar and everything! He sure fooled me.

  • http://themockdock.com Punky

    What a tool. Oh wait. Tools have a use.

  • baby luv

    I’ve always wondered what it was that made me love reading books and now I know: They just be so wordy!!! Classic.

    And for all the “proud non-readers” out there, let’s not forget that for every Kanye there are literally THOUSANDS who live like this:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=98G9HhJc9xc&feature=PlayList&p=57ACD4665E4B2ED5&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=3

  • meganyore

    dear kanye- you can’t tell but im giving you the same stink eye look i gave to paris.

    i HATE it when people are so proud and tickled with themselves that they DONT read. wtf.why is that something to be PROUD of?! sorry but reading=intelligence to me. you dont have to LOVE to read or anything, but I think it makes people sounds SOOO ignorant when they brag about NOT reading.

  • PurpleAnn

    I love that picture of him! He looks like the idiot he absolutely is. Why is he wearing a gold-plated cow patty around his neck on cheap Mardi Gras beads? Also, the Mr. Rogers sweater is a nice touch.

  • Jordon

    The irony of this oversized brat is his late mother was a PHD of literature and chair of the english department at the college she taught at. She was all about reading and writing.