Golden Globes

sp32-20090111-2125151

I love award shows, but the Golden Globes are by far my favorite.  And as you might expect, I have many many opinions on everything related to the Globes of tonight.

After the jump, behold my observations, in no particular order.

First, I intensely dislike Rumer Willis.  It’s probably irrational, but I can’t help be annoyed by her beady little lizard eyes, and her gigantic chin, and the fact that tonight, her hair is PURPLE.  Hate. 

Did you guys SEE Sting’s beard? Is he remaking Castaway?  What WAS that?

I love Ricky Gervais SO MUCH. 

You know who I hate?  The Jonas Brothers.  Again, irrational, because I couldn’t even tell you a single song that they sing, but I hate them.  I think it’s because of their hair.  It’s just really aggressive – in the way it sits on their heads and just demands that you look at it.  I don’t appreciate it.

Drew Barrymore looked mostly nice, but what was that hair?  I don’t understand.  Is poof back in?  Was it ever in?

You know who most women think is dreamy but I cannot stand?  Johnny Depp.  I hate his whole broody, moppy-headed swagger.  I want him to just take a shower and have a giggle about something already.  Why does he have to look so upset all the time?

Demi Moore is pretty much gorgeous.  She makes no sense to me as a mother to Rumer, which she obviously is – but wow, she looked amazing.

I kind of love how Colin Farrell referenced his previous coke habit.  I also kind of love that he’s hot again, and not looking like he’s at death’s door anymore.  And I will never ever ever tire of listening to his accent.  But I would like him to lose the hoop earrings.

I love Catherine Keener and she looked beautiful.

Salma Hayek, I’ve decided, is unfairly beautiful.  I mean, it’s just too much beauty to behold in a single person.  It’s like, practically painful to look at her.

Seth Rogen looked SO good.  For Seth Rogen, I mean.  He must have been doing some Wii Tennis.

You know what I love? I love it when people with British accents say “indeed” after they thank people.  Like, “Thank you very much, indeed.”  I love that.

You know what I would like to do?  I would like to take knitting needles, and wrap Renee Zellweger’s top eyelids around them, and PRY THOSE SUCKERS OPEN ALREADY.

Glenn Close wore golden pants.  I’m not even saying that as a joke, you guys.  She wore golden pants.

I hate Sean Puffy Daddy Puffy Daddy Puff Combs.  And I’m pretty sure that Kate Beckinsale was pissed that she had to present with him.  She looked utterly annoyed, and I can’t blame her.

You know who looks like they could be sisters?  America Ferrera and Jordin Sparks.  Do you know how much I want to cry that I know who EITHER of those people are?  DO YOU?

Ashley Judd’s sister is peddling Alli, you guys.  I could write a whole post on that alone. I’ll save that for later.

I love love love Sandra Bullock.  And I loved her white flowy dress and her loose and messy ponytail.  LOVE.

I loved the color of Cameron Diaz’s dress, but hated everything else about her appearance.  How come she got to hand out the award for Best Actress?  Someone remind me how that all works.  And you guys, HOW PRECIOUS was Kate Winslet?  How much did you want to scoop her up and place her squarely in your pocket?  LOVE LOVE LOVE.  I should probably go and see the movies which won her these awards now.

I would like to take this moment to recognize and applaud Susan Sarandon for not insisting on displaying her breastular area in some obnoxious low-cut dress, as she normally does.  Watching Mickey Rourke win a Golden Globe was enough of a spectacle on its own, without having to deal with her bazongas.

Your thoughts?

Related Posts with Thumbnails
  • Tatertot

    Ahh, the inescapable Jonas Brothers – for some reason, neither the quaint Partridge Family nor the overly earnest Hansen Brothers seem to grate on the nerves quite as much as the overaffected “Don’t you want Maaaaayyyyyyyy!” or “Walk out the Douuughhh!” of these twee lads. I should admire them for trying to demonstrate some morals, what with their virginity rings and all, but I can’t get past the youthful aping of Tom Jones.

  • http://themockdock.com Punky

    I’m disappointed I didn’t see Anna Paquin win – I’m totally obsessed with True Blood and in lust with her love interest Stephen Moyer!

  • rosie too

    Aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhh!!!!! I missed the Golden Globes! How is this possible?? I love awards shows. Thanks for the recap Mock; it is helping me deal with the loss.

    PS Could not agree more about the Jonas Brothers, Catherine Keener, Ricky Gervais, and, well, everyone else.

  • Erinn

    Agree on Jonas Brothers, Johnny Depp and yeah… I think Seth Rogan is doing the wii.

    From my limited knowledge of the awards season as a whole, those who have great agents/are coming out with a movie soon/ and have possibly won an award get to present. It truly is a popularity contest as well. People love Cameron Diaz (don’t know why) so she gets to present.

    Love Sandra Bullock, hate Renne (sp?) I hear she is a total *itch and prima donna on every set she walks on.

    My last two cents… Slumdog Millionaire was probably the BEST movie I have ever seen. Amazing story, not true but simply perfectly told.

  • Erinn

    OK so I lied! It is rumored that Ryan Seacrest (sp again?) got dissed by Brangelina on the red carpet! LOVE that! That guy is annoying as hell.

  • http://themockdock.com Punky

    Renee Zellweger’s dress was heinous! Ryan Seacrest has to be one of the most annoying celebrities ever to disgrace the red carpet.

  • Rachel

    I was amused/irritated by Jennifer Lopez’s “Hello…Hello? Mama talkin.'” It was funny, but also degrading because of all the people I would hate to be talked down to by, she is at the top of the list.

  • green eyed girl

    Mock, thanks for your thoughts… I love award shows too. The clothes, the hair, the jewels, the tears… LOVE. Since you asked, here are my thoughts:

    Clearly, Renee Zellweger doesn’t look at pictures of herself or she would see how ridiculous that pucker face is. I can’t look at her, literally, I have to turn away. What is even worse?… Her family and friends haven’t even been able to convince her to stop. J.Lo isn’t much better with her pucker stare. She is so overrated.

    I love Seal and Heidi Klum but her dress was AWFUL.

    Loved, loved, loved Drew Barrymore’s dress. Wow! Hair was ok. Eva Longoria…. loved the dress, love, love, love.

    Loved, loved, loved Kate Winslet’s dress. She is amazing but I sure wish she would have had a better speech prepared.

    Puff Daddy was obnoxious as always. Poor Kate Beckinsale looked like she couldn’t wait for the award to be announced and delivered!

    Someone should have told Maggie Gyllenhaal how horrible she looked.

    And holy cow… where did Rita Wilson get the boobs? Was it the dress or has she just had those things tucked away all these years?