Monthly Archive for December, 2008

It Just Wouldn’t Be Right…

…to end the year without a really good mockworthy photo.  So I give you this, a photo which, quite honestly, I’m surprised doesn’t show Coco’s individual pubic hairs in it, seeing as how it shows pretty much everything else.  Cheers!

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Happy New Year From Me And Debbie Gibson

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Happy New Year, mockdockers!  Hopefully, you have retained some coolness and are out doing something awesome right now, and not reading the Mock Dock.  But if you ARE reading the Mock Dock, welcome to not being cool.  You’re in good company.  Mr. Mock and I are hanging out at home with Junior Mock and Mini-Mock, and frankly, I’ll probably go to bed as soon as I finish this post, and it’s only 10.15pm.

What does that have to do with Debbie Gibson, you ask?  Well, I’ll tell you.  Seeing this current picture of Debbie Gibson made me recall that as a youth, I was so uncool that I actually had an opinion on whether or not Debbie Gibson was cooler than Tiffany.

The answer to that timeless question, of course, is that Debbie Gibson was infinitely cooler.  Tiffany sang in MALLS, for God’s sake.  Debbie Gibson probably didn’t even SHOP in malls.

Anyway, happy new year everyone!  Here’s to another year of mocking!

Yikes.

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Joaquin Phoenix is losing his mind.

There is no other explanation for his appearance, especially since he swore off acting a few months ago. This is clearly not for a role.  This is just him living his life.

Ick.

You Know What Used To Be Great, But Is Now Totally Lame?

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Half Price Bookstore.  After today, I am officially never stepping foot in that place again.

I remember like YEARS ago, when I loaded up a box of seriously crappy books to take to HPB, to see if I could squeak out maybe fifty cents from them.  And even though they were old college text books and shabby old beach novels, I remember that they gave me loads of money for them.  I probably walked out of there with around $35 or so, and I remember thinking, “Wow.  This place rulez with a z even.”

Fast forward to a few years ago, when I sent Mr. Mock on another bookselling run.  This time, we sold them some books of modest worth – some good condition hardbacks and well-kept paperbacks, and he came home with like $17.  At the time, I thought it was really odd that he only got such a small amount, but I chalked it up to Mr. Mock’s aversion to negotiating, and that was that.

Much of this week (which Mr. Mock and I have happily had off of work) has been spent ridding our house of crap.  We’ve cleaned out closets and taken stuff to Goodwill and emptied cabinets and I’m not kidding you – the house actually FEELS LIGHTER, if that’s possible.  One of my assignments was to box up another load for HPB.  This time, I was really excited about it because I had 2 large boxes worth of really mint condition hardcovers of current titles.  You know, novels that would cost at least $20 each RIGHT NOW at Barnes and Nobles or Borders.

I took the boxes in to HPB, waited for them to whip out their trusty little pocket calculators, and call my name to announce their offer.  Some billygoat of a girl called my name, and I anxiously walked up to the counter, prepared to hear an offer of at least $75.  The piles and piles of books I brought were there, right in front of me and the billygoat, and she looks at them, looks at me, and says:

“We can do $22 today.”

I looked at her – stunned speechless.  She glared at me.  Finally, I said, “For ALL of them?”  She bleated, “Yeeaaahh.” 

I weighed my options.  It was either take the 22 measly dollars, or pack up the books and load them into Suki and back into my newly weightless house.  I decided to take the cash.  “Ok” I said.  Billygoat said, “So…you’re ok with that?”  I think she was surprised by how much she was screwing me over too.

Anyway, it is total BULLSH*T that all I got was $22 measly dollars.  I browsed around in there and their prices are totally ridiculous.  Next time, I will do lot sales on ebay.  HPB jerks.

HATE.

In Case You’re Wondering How Your Tax Dollars Are Being Spent In The Bailout…

I’m totally sickened to inform you, thanks to a link sent to me by an astute and alert mockdocker, that a former executive at Merrill Lynch, who got a $25 million golden parachute after THREE LOUSY MONTHS OF DOING FREAKING NOTHING, has just bought himself a THIRTY SEVEN MILLION DOLLAR Park Avenue home. 

Peter Kraus, 55, got himself the five bedroom spread after swindling the entire nation out of $25 million when Merrill Lynch was bought by Bank of America in September, according to the New York Post.

If you’re not already vomiting, allow me to share some of the amenities of Pete’s new pad. 

*11-foot-high ceilings
* four fireplaces
* three maid’s rooms
* mahogany-paneled library
* an upstairs gym
* squash court and wine cellar in the building

And even though dude was in office for around three months, he actually put in only a FEW DAYS of work.  

So where are all the Americans who were in favor of this idiotic bailout?  Because this is freaking LUNACY.

The only solace we can take, and believe me, it’s not much, is that dude is moving into a place where he has to undo a CRAPLOAD of poor taste by the previous owners.  Behold:

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Peter Kraus, I hope you die of guilt and shame, you worthless snatchrag.

HATE.

You Know Who’s Being A Total Idiot? – Updated Again!

originally posted 8/3/08, and originally updated 8/7/08, and now updated again today, 12/30/08.

Brett Favre.  Now, I don’t claim to be an expert on what’s going on with his coming out of retirement, except for what Mr. Mock has tried to explain to me, but here’s what I have gathered so far.

Brett Favre retired, with all kinds of tearful, emotional announcements and tons of fanfare, approximately four months ago.  And now, Brett Favre is all, “Waaah!  I don’t wanna be retired!” and now he’s throwing a tantrum about wanting to be back with Green Bay.  And apparently the latest is that they have just reinstated him, but possibly only to be back up to the new quarterback (who by the way ought to be PISSED OFF at all of this nonsense) but as backup he will still earn 12 million dollars, and now there is talk that he’s going to be pissy if he’s just backup and might try to get traded, and all of it just sounds like he’s being a big fat crybaby.

I have never been a fan, (although I did totally get weepy at his tearful announcement) but now, I’m as far away from being a fan as you can be.  I’m like the polar opposite of fan.  I’m the anti-fan.  Brett Favre, you’re being a jerk, and you should learn to pronounce your last name the way it’s spelled.

UPDATE – 8.7.08:  Brett is going to the New York Jets, because the Packers are sick of him.  I hope the Jets enjoy his going in and out of retirement like 78 more times.

UPDATE – 12.30.08: Yeah.  The retirement talk is starting all over again.  And before you try to tell me that if he DOES retire, it’ll be because his shoulder has an owie, let me just point out to you that he is ALMOST 40.  Of COURSE he’s going to have owies.  And it’s not like he retired this past spring UNAWARE of how old he is.  Prior to this past Monday, Bwett (and no, that’s not a typo) told reporters that an MRI would probably determine his future plans, and that if he needed surgery, he’d retire.  Well, the MRI came back, and he doesn’t need surgery.  He’s probably totally freaking out now, what with not having a good excuse for retiring AGAIN and all.

Next up?  Lance Armstrong, who will probably re-retire since he’s about to become a dad again.  Convenient.

Everyone needs to just freaking STAY RETIRED when they retire.

HATE.

You Know What We’re Waaay Overdue For?

A horrible picture of Ashley Judd.  ‘Tis the season, after all.  Enjoy.

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Britney Spears Relationship News

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According to the Mirror, Britney is dating the man responsible for choreographing her Womanizer video, Sandip Soparrkar, who she affectionately calls “Sandy”.   Supposedly, she even flew to Jodhpur for a three-day getaway.  The “source” for this rumor claims to have spotted the two enjoying a candlelit dinner, at which she wore a traditional Indian sari given to her by her new boyfriend.  

That’s all well and good, but what kills me is the description of the meal.  The “source” says:

 “The pair were whispering and giggling all night. Sandy ordered local delicacies including chicken tikka and a cottage cheese curry. Britney was nicking the dough balls from his plate. It was really cute.”

She was nicking dough balls from his plate, you guys.  NICKING. DOUGHBALLS.  It’s as if this source thought, “How could I describe this meal, such that Mockarena would get the most enjoyment possible out of it?  I wonder if there is a way to throw in a doughball nicking incident.”

I love stories like this SO MUCH.  I’m sure it’s patently untrue, but who cares?  There was NICKING.  Of  DOUGHBALLS.

LOVE.

UPDATE:  Sandy is pictured below – doesn’t he look eerily similar to her ex-boyfriend Adnan Ghalib?

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Meanest. Parents. EVER.

“Sorry’s not going to un-sh*t these presents.”

LOVE.

Madonna Would Look Really Good In This Picture…

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…if her top hat was just a little lower, and her fur collar was just a little higher, and if she had a face transplant.

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