Let’s Write A NeverEnding Story!

Let’s do a Mockdock experiment.  I want us all to write a story about this couple.  They are just too hilarious not to make up a story about.  I will start.

The holidays for Maureen and Bruce Nesbitt always started out the same.  The annual Christmas greeting photo card.  This year, they were overjoyed to be able to include their new puppy, Buster, in the photo.  Maureen orchestrated the outfits, and was excited to try out her new side-ponytail hairstyle that she found in an old Tiger Beat magazine in her Grandma Eunice’s attic. She had also stocked up on her favorite Bonne Bell rouge especially for the photo.

Bruce, meanwhile, at Maureen’s behest, had agreed to “get a little wild” for their photo, and parted his hair on the opposite side of what he was accustomed to. 

The story of how they met is legendary.  They met…

(OK mockdockers, it’s your turn.  Let’s keep this story going!!)

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  • Buckeye Bob

    They met…………
    While at a fund raiser/picnic for the local
    Lonely Animal Lovers Club. He couldn’t take his eyes
    off her monkey and she could not stop playing with his wiener
    dog. It seemed to be love at first sight. Pure animal attraction.
    It’s been nothing but chew toys and stupid clothes ever since.

  • Lyonella

    ..ever since they found out they both like doggie…s.

  • http://zackapalooza.wordpress.com/ Zachary

    They instantly eloped to Vegas for a wedding by the canine Elvis (don’t think about that too much). They then proceeded to attempt to have children, but Bruce had been accidentally castrated by a dog that he became too–umm–“attached” to. Instead, they simply…

  • Chelsea

    broke into their blind, elderly neighbor’s house and stole her dog and matching sweatshirt collection. Never mind they were too small, they now had a “child”…

  • Anonymous

    grandma also liked to pretend to be a man occassionally, hence the “dad” inscription.

  • Mockarena

    Maureen went to Big Lots to shop for Bruce’s Christmas presents, and ended up buying…

  • Buckeye Bob

    a do it yourself decoration kit that can be used for all the Christmas items. She’s really looking forward to Bruce making her a………

  • Anonymous

    Christmas merkin with that resembles Rudolph, with googly eyes, a bric-a-brac smile, pipe cleaner antlers and a light-up nose. She can’t wait to wear on on Christmas eve after they…

  • http://zackapalooza.wordpress.com/ Zachary

    …open all of the presents and drink 49 gallons of eggnog because…

  • Mockarena

    …that’s really the only way Bruce can have relations of a sexual nature with Maureen without being distracted by images of her mother, Vivian.

    Eggnog notwithstanding, Bruce was not looking forward to going back to his job at the …

  • rosie too

    …PhotoMat because Maureen kept pressuring him to bring home stolen prints of his clients’ private moments. Although he had to admit he quite enjoyed the local high school wrestling team’s Hot Bod calendar outtakes. He was quite alarmed that recently Maureen began to request photos of…

  • http://www.myspace.com/dorkymcspazatron Olivia J. Snarkypants

    Other people’s vacations. She said it was like going on vacation without actually having to go. Especially after the last vacation disaster they went on to…

  • Buckeye Bob

    a Caribbean Resort that was hosting a swingers convention for the week. Bruce has never let her forget about getting drunk and…

  • Nancy

    wearing the Christmas merkin at the swinger’s nude swim poolside…..Bruce had to go rescue her and was horrified to find….

  • rosie too

    …her merkin had been braided and beaded to resemble a…

  • Buckeye Bob

    Rastafarian version of her pet Monkey back home. After getting over the initial shock with the help of several rum concoctions he decided to get something done he always wanted. He remembered seeing a place outside the resort that offered Tatoos while you wait so he went over and finally got that tattoo of…..

  • Nancy

    Vivian, as his own mother, Lou, had been tragically killed in Seattle by a marauding group of….

  • http://themockdock.com Punky

    Robbie Williams haters. Since Bruce adores Robbie Williams, her death was even more difficult to get over. Her epitaph was…

  • rosie too

    …of course, “Angels” although Maureen privately thought “Let Me Entertain You” would have been more appropriate considering Lou’s past as a burlesque dancer. At the funeral they asked the mourners to show their respect by…

  • mlm

    asking them to twirl their pasties at the appropriate moments. When the funeral was over, Maureen and Bruce headed out for their favorite hangout….

  • http://www.myspace.com/dorkymcspazatron Olivia J. Snarkypants

    The Blue Oyster Bar. They’d been going there for years before they realized it was a gay bar. The night their eyes were opened to this was when…

  • Nancy

    the British Navy was in port and on liberty. The seamen, who had been in the submarine for quite a while, were ready to cut loose, with a wet t shirt contest. Maureen being the only female in the bar, with dry clothes on…

  • http://zackapalooza.wordpress.com/ Zachary

    …sat in the corner all night, pouting because Bruce was…

  • directorevil

    overheard saying, “Well, at least in Canada, they call themselves
    the Mounties”. After being neglected in the corner of the bar all
    night, Maureen…

  • Mockarena

    …decided to do a little cross-stitch. She couldn’t be bothered with a wet t-shirt contest what with her wearing her best denim jumper and all.

    Cross-stitching was almost as fun to Maureen as making yarn God’s Eyes.

    Maureen was looking forward to New Year’s, when she planned to surprise Bruce with a…

  • rosie too

    …an embroidered black leotard so that they would be able to perform “All the Single Ladies” at their New Year’s Midnight Talent Show. She had already recruited Sadie, her blind, elderly neighbor, to dance back up. She had invited lots of people to come celebrate including…

  • Buckeye Bob

    all the people at the Mockdock because she knew that would get the party started especially when Mockerena starts making fun of her favorite….

  • Mockarena

    …Ashley Judd quote. There are just so many good ones to choose from. Maureen herself took particular offense to the one about it being “unconscionable to breed.” Maureen intended on having at least 12 children.

    She was hoping to name the first born…

  • Catherine

    Fern…

  • mlm

    Followed by Track, Trig, Bristol, Willow and Piper, for the first half dozen. Bruce, however, did not share Maureen’s views on having so many children. He decided he couldn’t have that many, because…

  • http://www.myspace.com/dorkymcspazatron Olivia J. Snarkypants

    they could never afford so many children on his Kwik-E-Mart salary. His best friend Hugo got him the job because he owed Bruce a favor from the time he…

  • http://themockdock.com Punky

    got drunk, had a one-night-stand with a midget stripper wearing glitter. Unfortunately for Hugo, there were photos involved where he was not only posing with the stripper, but he was dressed in drag. Bruce, being the bestest kind of friend, explained the photo by saying…

  • Erinn

    it was simply an audition for Hugo’s role in…

  • Mockarena

    …a new musical starring Hugh Jackman as the fantastically gay male lead.

    Bruce and Hugo’s friendship started way back in gradeschool when they…

  • Nancy

    Bruce’s mom, Lou, who was a merchant marine and a single mom, asked Hugo’s mom, Betty, if Bruce could stay at their house while Lou was at sea. Betty felt sorry for Bruce not having a father figure in the house, and decided Hugo’s dad, Bernie would be the perfect role model….

  • ErinnR

    after all, every Christmas the song was “Walking round in women’s underwear!”

    Bruce stayed with Hugo’s family for a bit, but then the unthinkable happened….

  • Mockarena

    Lou returned from the sea to discover Bernie in a dominatrix outfit and Bruce with a ball-gag in his mouth.

    It wasn’t until years later, when Bruce met Maureen, that he was able to begin to work through the post traumatic stress syndrome from that experience. Ever since, he’s been…

  • mlm

    able to perform his “husbandly duties” with Maureen, but only if she wears a paper bag over her head. It might make the dog bark, but if it helped Bruce to perform, Maureen was all for it! She often wondered, though, why Bruce….

  • Erinn

    Would call out during their weekly friday night ‘session’. He would say …..

  • Mockarena

    …”I like turtles.”

    Maureen finally got up the courage to ask Bruce why he always mentioned turtles during relations of a sexual nature, and his response was…