Your Tuesday Morning Landbeast Surprise

How handy is that post?  I mean, it’s not often that you can count on a random post to be right where you need it.

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  • Punky

    AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! Surprise is right! What the heck are those purple spots on those Michelin Man rolls?

  • Crabby

    Gawd! Why?

  • mikey

    She needs to put some icing between the 3 layers.

  • Christine

    She does have a pretty face.

  • Diana

    I agree with Christine. Her face is pretty, and then it became something of a scrolldown fug.

  • mlm

    Those purple spots look like a tattoo of a car(?) to me…

    WHY do people allow themselves to be photogrgaphed like this? Surely they must know that it will end up on the web. Are they that hungry for their 15 minutes of “fame”?

  • Buckeye Bob

    Hey, six minute Abs.

  • elizabeth.

    What’s worse, which I feel everyone seems to be missing, is that she appears to be removing her bathing suit top in a seductive manner.

  • Wiggity

    What I don’t get is why she only cares about herself from the neck up. I mean, why bother if your not going to care about the whole package.

  • mikey

    -Good point Wiggity….she has a nice French manicure to go with her three layer gut.

  • Christine

    Some people are sexually attracted to extremely large women. I wouldn’t doubt if this photo was pulled from such a website. Put bbw (big beautiful women) into a search engine and see what pops up.

  • Olivia J. Snarkypants

    I could be wrong, but I think that tattoo is a pickle…

  • jenn

    Look at all those yummy stretch marks!

  • Biscuit Tin

    I was thinking of sending you a picture of myself, Mock, because I feel you should know that I am one of the forsaken and disgusting, that is, a fat person, who regularly reads your blog. I’m not suggesting that you change anything – it’s your blog. It’s just that I feel like Cleavon Little in Blazing Saddles when he hides in the KKK robes. I have an overwhelming desire to pop out from behind a rock, wave my frightenly large arms and shout, “Hey! Where the skinny people at?” I think the woman in this picture is asking, nay, begging to be mocked. But your constant hatred of random everday waddling around fat people does surprise me. Most people overeat for the same reason that people drink, smoke, do drugs, gamble, have promiscuous sex, shop compulsively, cut themselves, etc. – it’s a coping mechanism. A lot of bad coping mechanisms can be hidden, but overeating can’t be hidden. Take that security cop woman from a couple days ago consuming the turkey leg. If she coped with her job stress by sleeping around, instead of overeating, she might look great. But she would not be an appreciably better person.

  • Mockarena

    She wouldn’t be an appreciably better person, but she’d definitely have an easier time chasing down a criminal. 🙂 That was the point of the turkey leg post.

    I appreciate what you’re saying, but I’ve never said I hate fat people. Generally the pictures I post are mockable for some other reason other than just their weight – case in point – the photo above with the post. Or remember the leopard print leotard? If I found a picture of an attractive obese person wearing weight-appropriate clothing, I generally won’t mock them, because it’s not any fun. Same reason I don’t post pictures of celebrities looking NICE – what fun is that?

    I also posted a pic of that Queen Raqui woman – who, you may recall, I praised for being so pretty and comfortable in her own skin. I mocked the squashing thing, because, well, COME ON.

    It’s not hate, Biscuit Tin. You all know what I hate, because I generally title those posts “You Know What I Hate?” 🙂

  • Punky

    Anyone wearing what she’s wearing and supporting her subgut on a wooden post with God-knows-what-that-purple-thing-is-on-her-jelly-roll, is begging to be mocked!

    On a side note, I too am a landbeast, trying to reform. Funny is funny, and if you can’t have a good giggle at yourself, or at someone else’s expense sometimes, you’re missing out on some of God’s greatest attempts at humor! Mock – my favorite post is the Hooters chick duped by the toy YODA! I darn near peed myself! Even my stoic husband was dying over that one! And the landbeast photos? I’d be disappointed if you stopped posting them!

  • Mockarena

    There’s something so completely adorable to me about you referring to yourself as a landbeast. 🙂

    No worries – I’ll keep ’em coming as long as I can keep finding them.

    Holmes gets the credit for the toy YODA post – that was his!

  • Cynicat

    ok, unrelated…how do i get a pic next to my comment?? some of you guys have one, i wanna too! I’m mildly narccisistic, and need to be pictified, but am at a loss as to how to go about gettin it on there. any help?

  • Cynicat

    haha, never mind, Gabone rules! Got my answer like 5 posts away! I love serendipity…