Monthly Archive for September, 2008

You Know What I Think Is Completely Moronic?

The whole running with the bulls thing that they do in Spain every year.  Mr. Mock used to tell me that it’s one of those things he’d kind of like to do once in his lifetime,  and my response was always the same; specifically, that it’s grounds for divorce.  Running with the bulls is the stupidest thing EVER.

Apparently, they have a similar activity in Columbia, only instead of having bulls run around the streets of Pamplona, they just shove a bunch of bulls into make-shift pens, have the crowd taunt them by yelling and throwing things at them, and see what happens. The latest news reports to come out about this are celebratory, because no one died this year.  They usually expect around 20 deaths, and this year there were only 25 serious injuries.

Frankly, I think anyone who taunts a bull mercilessly, and then is subsequently gored by it, deserves what they get.  It’s completely stupid.

BUT, guess what! To totally offset my irritation at Columbia for having this kind of an event, I just read about a carnival in Greece where all the local villagers put on goggles and celebrate the coming of Easter by throwing THREE THOUSAND POUNDS of flour at one another. It’s like an all day flour-fight, and you know how they kick it off?  They ring cowbells.  And they’ve been doing this for TWO HUNDRED years.  I totally love this idea and kind of want to implement it in some form at my company.  This sounds like a BLAST, plus it doesn’t result in death or goring or taunting of animals, which is a plus.

If you live somewhere funky and have really super awesomely fun events like this, I want to hear about them.

Why?

So apparently, Kevin Costner is going to release a country music album. I’m not making this up. And yes, I mean THAT Kevin Costner. The guy who acts like the exact same person in every movie he’s ever made ever.

Kevin is the lead singer of a group called Modern West, and their album comes out on November 11th. I’m serious!

Below, a clip of his “singing.” I certainly don’t expect you to actually listen to it, but thought I’d post it as evidence.

Ya Gotta Love A Good Cow Suit Story

Alert and astute friend of the MockDock, Paul, linked us to an article about the woman pictured above.  She is being accused of disorderly conduct in public.  And not even because she’s in a cowsuit (which I happen to ADORE), but because she chased children around in it and peed on a neighbor’s front porch.

All of that is hilarious by itself, but the best part is that the last line of the article says, in all seriousness:

The (police) report did not speculate as to why Allen was wearing the cow suit.”

That makes me giggle SO MUCH.  As if there could be hundreds of logical reasons why someone might be running around in a cowsuit.  Seriously. There is pretty much just the one reason – which is because it’s totally awesome fun to wear a cowsuit.

Big shout out to Paul for this.  Best. Newsstory. EVER!

Your Tuesday Morning Landbeast Surprise

How handy is that post?  I mean, it’s not often that you can count on a random post to be right where you need it.

Look!

You know who looks like identical twins when they’re all skanked out and totally without make-up and in desperate need of a comb?  Best friends of the Mock Dock – Ashley Judd and Katherine Heigl.  Dame’s noticed the similarity before, but something about these photos really struck me.

With hatred.

HATE.

 

Clearly, I Need Medication

You guys – I accidentally like the new Britney Spears song.  I was all set to hate it, and then it snuck up on me out of NOWHERE and forced itself onto me, like some sort of musical rape. 

Anyway, if you click right here you can watch a video of her on a radio show to promote it, and then they play the song.  And the whole time they interview her, she scratches her arms. And she’s as dumb as a box of rocks, and she’s very itchy, and I like her new song.

Someone help me.

Remember When Meg Ryan Was Adorable?

And then she got all sorts of plastic surgery and now looks like this.  UGH.  She used to be PRECIOUS. Anyway, there is drama in the world of gossip today, about Meg Ryan and her ex-husband Dennis Quaid.  

Meg has been galavanting about promoting her new movie “The Women” and apparently in some conversations, has been slinging accusations about the reasons for her marriage to Dennis ending; namely, that he cheated on her constantly.  Dennis is not amused.  He has now fired back:

“It was eight years ago, and I find it unbelievable that Meg continues publicly to rehash and rewrite the story of our relationship.  Also, I find it regrettable that our son, Jack, has to be reminded in a public way of the turmoil and pain that every child feels in a divorce.  I, myself, moved on years ago and am fortunate to have a happy, beautiful family.”

BURN. Even if Dennis was a total cheating dog, she has already admitted to cheating too – with Russell Crowe.  Remember that?  And so if we’re tallying up who’s winning this battle right now, I gotta give the edge to Dennis, for laying on the “how this is affecting our kid” deathblow.

Dennis: 1  
Meg:  0

Heather Locklear Was Arrested

Heather Locklear was reportedly arrested for driving under the influence of prescription meds this weekend, but has since been released.

You know, mugshots are rarely flattering, and you can’t help but notice that Heather’s make-up is all smudged and stuff, but she looks DAMN GOOD for 47. 

I’m sure there’ll be some sort of announcement about her checking into rehab shortly.

Yawn.

Christina Aguilera Is Very Natural

Did you guys ever see the episode of The Simpsons where Homer invents a make-up gun, and it basically just blasts a whole face of make-up right onto Marge?  That’s what this photo reminds me of.  I’m guessing Christina used such a device, and set it to “whore.”  She’s got so much foundation on that I think it’s conceivable that she weighs more because of it.

You Know What I Hate?

I hate it that cops and firemen and even your run-of-the-mill security people are allowed to be overweight.  As you may recall, Bunny and Dame are both married to firefighters.  Both of them are in terrific shape.  Both of them had to endure a challenging physical test as just a part of the application process to become firefighters.  And, the academy training once they were hired?  Enormously physically challenging.

But you know what happens once training is over?  Firefighters are allowed to get just as fat and unhealthy as they want, and there is NO CONSEQUENCE.  I think this is crap.

Dame and I were driving to her house one time, and we passed a car which had just been pulled over on the highway, and there was this enormous landbeast of a female cop approaching it.  And you know how generally when you see a cop, whether they’re in or out of a car, you kind of slow down (especially if you’re speeding), in case they feel like wrapping up whatever they’re doing to come after you instead?  Yeah.  I didn’t – because there was no way in the world this landbeast would have had a PRAYER of getting to her car in time to hone in on me with her radar, because she moved like a turtle and looked a lot like the chick in the photo above (minus the turkey leg).

Cops and firefighters should have to pass the SAME TEST to KEEP their jobs each year, as they do to GET their jobs in the first place. 

And so concludes my Sunday morning rant.

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