Monthly Archive for August, 2008

True Love

Written by Mockarena. Published on August 31, 2008 in Eeeew and Mockery. 10 Comments Tags: .

An alert and astute mockdocker sent in the photo above, and at first I resisted posting it only because commenter Madrone was all, “I’m bored by you making fun of ‘large’ people all the time” when I posted that hairy armpitted picture but then I realized that I can’t pander to just a few people when what I really want to do is energize my base.  See how I made this post all political right there?  That means I’m turning off commenters who are bored by “large people posts” AND those who don’t like the politics.  I’m equal opportunity alienating people!!!

Now then.  I have two questions.

What part of her body is this guy holding? Seriously – he could totally be hitting 3rd base in this photo and I would have NO IDEA.

And secondly, what is going on with her hairline?  Her bangs look like they were applied with fake eyelash glue.

Thank You, Wise Sage

Written by Mockarena. Published on August 31, 2008 in I Hate Ashley Judd. 18 Comments Tags: .

In case you happened to be wondering why women count, Ashley Judd has your answer. 

(HATE).

You Men Out There – Prepare To Be Jealous

Written by Mockarena. Published on August 31, 2008 in Freak and Mockery. 10 Comments Tags: .

Obviously, there is no possible way you are cooler than this guy.  This guy epitomizes cool, what with his turquoise bracelet and tie-front shirt and necklace.  I defy you to be as cool as he is.

On second look – is that John Lithgow?

Ya Gotta Love A Guy Who Knits

Written by Mockarena. Published on August 31, 2008 in phooooooooooooot. 8 Comments Tags: , .

So apparently Andre 3000 is into knitting!

KIDDING.  This probably isn’t Andre 3000.  But it IS a guy who loves to knit.  I am totally fascinated by the colors he chose for his bodysweater.  I’m also really curious about how he got it on.  I mean, do you think it zips in the back?  Do you think it has a front fly?  What do you think he’s knitting next? It’s totally aggravating that I will most likely never know the answers to these important questions, unless Andre McKnitterpants stumbles upon The Mock Dock.

Sigh.

This Should Go Over Well…

Written by Mockarena. Published on August 30, 2008 in News. 5 Comments Tags: , , , .

It’s so totally awesome when regular ordinary citizens manage to get video/audio/photos of public figures doing or saying unbelievably stupid or offensive stuff. Michael Moore spouting off about his excitement over the timing of Gustav is one thing, because he’s an idiot. But check out the clip above of former National Chairman of the DNC Don Fowler and South Carolina Congressman John Spratt. Happily, this was linked on Drudge, which means it’ll get widespread attention.

Classy. I hope these two are proud of themselves.

Link to the original post by the person who caught the video is here. It also includes some bits of the conversation not captured on this clip.

UPDATE 8/31/08:  Fowler has apologized as follows:  “”If this offended anybody, I personally apologize.  It was a mistake, and it was a satirical statement made in jest. And one that I clearly don’t believe.  One doesn’t anticipate that one’s private conversation will be surreptitiously taped by some right-wing nutcase, but that’s the nature of what we’re dealing with.”

Nice jab at the person who taped you being a moron, Fowler.  Way to deflect away from your own stupidity.

Jerk.

Guess Who This Is!!!

Written by Mockarena. Published on August 30, 2008 in Celebrity. 10 Comments Tags: , , .

You know what’s on TV right now?  One of my most favorite favorite favorite movies of all time – The Sound of Music.  I have probably seen this movie at least 4000 times, and I will never ever tire of it EVER.  When I was a kid, I remember thinking that Liesl was the prettiest girl that ever lived.  And look – she grew up to be a completely hot older woman.  Charmian Carr now has an interior design business, for those of you who are into the whole “Where Are They Now” stuff.

Anyway, I love everything about this movie.  The scenery, the story, the singing – I love every last cheesified second of it.  Plus, Christopher Plummer used to be a total hottie.  But here’s something I have a question about.  What is the name that the horrid Baronness calls him throughout?  I’m sure it’s some sort of term of endearment that I’m just totally ignorant about…but I have never been able to understand it.  It sounds like she’s saying “GayOrg.”  What IS that?  Does anyone know?

You know who’s a total loser?  ROLFE.  What a dillhole.  Liesl could have done so much better than that twerp.

So This Is What Halle Berry’s Kid Looks Like

Written by Mockarena. Published on August 30, 2008 in Celebrity. 3 Comments Tags: , .

Ladies and Gentlemen – I give you Nahla, the spawn of two absolutely gorgeous parents.  Personally, I kinda think she ought to be cuter, even though that makes me sound like a total beyotch. I’m serious though.  I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t this.

LOOK!

Written by Mockarena. Published on August 30, 2008 in I Hate Ashley Judd. 6 Comments Tags: .

Two things.  First of all, Ashley needs some anti-perspirant.  Secondly, look at how her name is prominently displayed on her button, in addition to but also above Obama’s.  I’m surprised she actually allowed his name on it.  She could have simply had a button made that said, “I’m ASHLEY JUDD and I, ASHLEY JUDD, support  someone for president who is here in the same vicinity as I, ASHLEY JUDD!”

HATE.

You Know What I Hate?

Written by Mockarena. Published on August 30, 2008 in phooooooooooooot. 7 Comments Tags: .

Involuntary muscle twitches.  A few years ago, I developed an involuntary muscle twitch right near my shoulder blade, and it lasted for like 6 days.  It wasn’t constant, but it was frequent enough that I was totally distracted by it, and so I found myself doing all sorts of internet research to find out if there were any known cases of muscle twitches lasting FOREVER, because I was certain this was my fate. 

So since Tuesday now, I’ve had an involuntary EYE twitch in my right eye.  These are the WORST.  It comes and goes, but right now, I feel like I look like I’m perpetually winking.  I know it’s much smaller than a wink, and that no one else can really see it, but that’s how it feels.

After doing some more internet research I have discovered that these eye twitches have a name – blepharospasms, and that if they become severe enough, BOTOX is recommended.  Wouldn’t it be kind of awesome if I had a medical reason to have to get BOTOX?

My research also indicates that one of the primary reasons one might develop an eye twitch is because of prolonged computer use.  So you’re going to have to forgive me if I’m less posty this weekend.  I have a legitimate medical excuse, you see, due to my blepharospasms.

Jessica Simpson Shares Too Much

Written by Mockarena. Published on August 29, 2008 in Celebrity and Mockery. 8 Comments Tags: .

At a recent concert, Jessica Simpson informed her audience that she passes gas a lot, and that her farts smell like roses. In fact, she said she GUARANTEES her farts smell like roses.

I think someone should call her on this, and demand immediate proof, or Tony Romo should release a statement to the press about it.  A guarantee is a guarantee. 

You guys, people paid SEVENTY DOLLARS A TICKET to hear this.

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