Bathroom Etiquette And Weird Pee

You guys – the craziest thing happened earlier today. 

I was at work, and visiting the ladies’ room to, you know, use it in its intended manner.  For the purpose of emptying my bladder, if you must know.  And while I was there, minding my own business in my chosen stall, some unidentified person came in and occupied the stall immediately next to me.

Let’s just pause right there for a moment.  You know what I hate?  When people go into a stall RIGHT NEXT TO YOU, even though there are 2-3 other available stalls in the restroom.  I hate that.

Anyway, at the risk of providing you with WAY MORE information about me than you ever hoped to know, I would like to impress upon you that I am a hoverer.  I do not like my buttcheeks to make contact with the toilet seat, for all the reasons you might imagine.  And, if you hover, it stands to reason that the fluid you expel is going to be slightly louder hitting the toilet bowl water than it would be if your buttcheeks were to make contact with the seat, right? 

But here’s the thing.  The person next to me had the LOUDEST PEE I have ever heard.  It was like the Niagara Falls of Pee.  I can only assume that she was not only hovering, but actually LEVITATING over the toilet, because there is no other explanation I can think of for why her pee would be so loud. It sounded like it was coming down from like two stories above the toilet bowl.  I actually shielded my head with my arms instinctively to avoid any potential backsplash.  It was THAT LOUD.

Anyway, it seemed like something I ought to share with you all.  You know – to get us all talking about our various hilarious bathroom experiences.  You know you have some (that means you, Holmes).

SHARE!!

 

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  • wordwych

    Maybe you were in the stall next to what I like to call a “Racehorse Lady.” These are the ones who BLAST out their, um, deposits with such urgency that you half-expect to hear the door wham open and the speedy clop-clop-clop of hooves as they charge off the resume the race. These women alarm me, but I suspect that their doctors love them, as forcing evacuation can cause all manner of unpleasant problems with the urinary tract.

  • BiscuitTin

    I was using a public restroom once while a mother was in the next stall with her daughter, who must have been about three. This child was (A)gregarious and (B)small and (C)fast, all of which resulted in her ducking under the partition and popping up in my stall, with a big smile. “Hi!!” she said. It was just hilarious to me. I laughed and said, “Hi!” as the hand of this horrified mom came frantically reaching under the partition and she cried, “Jennifer! Jennifer!” “Bye,” she said, and went back to her own stall. That was a couple years ago, but it still makes me chuckle.

  • sbarros

    Okay, I confess, I am one of those “gushers”. Due to surgery, I have no muscle control and it all just bursts out like a faucet.

    Enough about me…my daughter (15) has never used a public restroom, not even at school. She is a germ-o-phobic.

  • cobrien

    Fine if you hover but some of us don’t and so I hope that you are not one that leaves pee on the seat because that has to be the rudest thing a person can possibly do.

  • Mockarena

    I happen to be an expert hoverer. 🙂

    I’m starting to think this post was a mistake. This might be too much information all the way around. 🙂

  • sbarros

    @cobrien…I’m totally with you on that. Why are some women’s restrooms more disgusting then men’s? I have always wondered that…and it is a long story on how I know.

  • Sunshyndrmr

    15 years and never used a public restroom? that’s crazy! I try to avoid them at all costs and can hold it like no one’s biz but I will if I have to, I’m not going to suffer. But I do work in the construction industry and can really really hold it if the only thing around is the port-a-potty (I’m a girl and those are gross!)

  • sbarros

    Yup, its true. We have tried therapy and supplying her with her own sanitizer and toilet covers, but no luck. She just won’t do it. Funny thing, her older sister had a bathroom fetish as a child. She had to use every public restroom multiple times. The one time I denied her, she peed her pants. I never denied her again, no matter what…

  • SnarkyBritches

    Mock… you hover? Wow, you must have Abs like a ROCK, girl! I can’t even contemplate hovering without my thigh muscles starting to quiver in sympathy.

    Rock on with your bad self!

  • bob

    I was on a flight and got up to pee. No one in line but the door was locked. I waited and when a man came out I went in and almost died. I tell you my eyes were watering hair curling and lungs just refused to take a breath. It was as if a couple of buzzards just threw up the remains of a constipated skunk. Needless to say I was not in there long which is why it was strange that at least three people were already waiting at the door as I exited. And of course the aroma came out with me and I knew there was no use to explain to strangers that I was not responsible for the fragrance they were now enjoying.

  • Tammy

    My daughter, who is 9, went through a phase a few years ago where she had to go to the bathroom in every single store we went to. We were at ShopKo one day and of course as we were standing in line she asked to go to the bathroom, so I said sure, it was right in front of us and I could see her go in and come out. So she goes in, and about a minute later comes running, and I mean RUNNING out, screaming “the toilet flushed by itself, the toilet flushed by itself!!!!”. It seems they installed the self flush mechanism, and it totally freaked her out. For a few months after I had to go and inspect all the toilets for her to see if they were self flushing. If so, she would not use them unless I went in with her.

  • Hatchetwoman

    I’ve been told I have a big bladder 😀 No, it wasn’t a pickup line — I went for an ultrasound and the tech waxed rhapsodic over the size of my bladder. I felt so smart!

  • Pris

    Speakin’ of which I’m peein’ my pants with all them stories…

    I’m a hoverer myself (as is my whole family) but like momma taught me I always make sure to leave the place as it was when I got in.

    I hate peed toilets (either on the seats or floor & walls) and most public toilets in general… but when you gotta go you gotta go! ( I’ve gone @ bushes even, when necessary…)

    The worse from ALL though… is not hovering or sitting or germs… but like bob said, the SMELL!
    The thought that it is PARTICULATE… imagine… we’re breathing microscopical turds!!!!!!!

    *puke*

  • Violet

    Mockarena, I seem to have the same problem….I always go to the last stall and some women will choose the stall RIGHT next to me….WTF? It’s called personal space people. Even when you’re in a publice restroom that is virtually empty.

    Also, the general consensus on germs on toilets is surprising–there are more germs on your PC keyboard…hardly any germs on the toilet…Go figure.

  • bob

    Don’t ya hate it when you’re sitting in a stall at the airport and some guy in the next stall starts tapping your foot with his. Why does that keep happening?

  • sbarros

    @bob, tee hee….

    Statistically the FIRST stall is the cleanest and least used.

  • mlm

    Bob, your airplane story was the best! I have a 4 year old who went through the phase of wanting to go to every public restroom he could find (he still does, occasionally). One day at our lovely neighborhood Wal-Mart, my husband took him in a stall in the men’s room to potty, and as soon as he walked in, he started yelling, “BACK UP, DADDY! BACK UP, DADDY!” It seemed the stall was such a disgusting place that even a 4 year old was scared of it. At the same store, I had to REALLY go pee (if I didn’t, I would have had an accident!) and I went into a stall and there was an explosion of poo on the FRONT of the bowl! How is that even possible? Can you imagine the contortions some woman went through to make that happen? I could go on and on, but I think I’ve already hit the TMI ceiling…..

  • Violet

    There was poop smeared on the bathroom wall at my work….it has been there for months now….

  • bob

    OMG Violet, I hope you don’t work at home. (Just kidding)Is there just not cleaning people there?

  • amanda

    My son was 3 and made an emergency “I HAVE TO GO POOP!” announcement in a store. I took him to the restroom and he starts grunting and groaning while he proceeds to do his business. He is a very vocal pooper and I’m sorry if this grosses you out. I have tried to quiet him but no luck. While in the middle of a grunt he manages to say, in his little strained voice, “Mommy, did you know frogs don’t have any teeth?” The other woman in the restroom burst out laughing. I almost died.

  • Violet

    Bob, there are several housekeepers at my work that have no teeth…if that answers your question.

  • mlm

    Bob, you’re a pretty clever guy–I think I’ve laughed at every single one of your posts!

  • sbarros

    I think this topic has hit a record number of posts…

    And I too, have walked into a Wal-mart restroom to find it splattered in, uh, feces. I don’t get it. How can you just walk away and not even attempt to clean up after yourself? And how do you do that in the first place?

  • Hatchetwoman

    Reason number 56 never to go to Wal-Mart.

    Seriously, I’m SO glad I’ve only ever been inside a Wal-Mart twice. And never in the restroom. :shudder:

  • Dani

    You guys are hilarious…I am laughing so hard! Thankfully I am home, because if I were in a public place, I would be getting strange looks right now!

    When I was in high school, I worked at a local Goodwill store. I hated the job, but 5 of my friends worked there and we used to goof around all the time, so it made things a little better. Anyway, not only was the customer bathroom DISGUSTING, but some people decided to use the fitting rooms as toilets. Yeah, I wish I was kidding. Thankfully I was never actually there when it happened, because if they had asked me to clean it up, I would have quit on the spot.

  • http://www.myspace.com/awwpoop Cynicat

    Things I despise about public bathrooms;

    1. EVERYTHING

    Goodday.

  • Jaime

    It always disturbs me when I can hear my neighbor’s pee more clearly than my own. I’ve thought on a couple of occasions that my neighboring pee-er was gonna crack the toilet from the force of her stream.

    Not only do some women pee really loud, but it seems that quite a few also pee FOREVER. I guess it could be a case of bladder jealousy (I belong to the itty-bitty bladder club), but I swear I can’t understand how some women can hold so much. Case-in-point: I lived down the hall from an incredibly sweet mid-western farm girl my first year of college who I swear must have leeched the bladders of the animals she worked with. One day, she and I happened to enter the communal restroom at the same time and started to, uh, go, at about the same time. Only after I stopped, this girl kept peeing, and kept peeing, and oh my God. She went on and on and on and on! I seriously had time to finish my bud’ness, clean up AND BRUSH MY FRIGGIN’ TEETH all in the span of this girl’s pee! When she FINALLY finished and went to the neighboring sink to wash up, it took all I had not ask if her entire body was composed of bladder. I would have chalked this incredible peeing display up to an isolated incident had it not been for a conversation I happened to overhear a couple of weeks later between some other girls who lived on my floor. They were talking about how Amber wouldn’t quit peeing when they went to the restroom! I couldn’t help but join in with my anecdote, and I swear by the end of the year it seemed everyone had an Amber peeing story. I just wish I had a tenth of the capacity as she did!

  • jordan

    Dam Jamie how long can she pee?

  • Jaime

    I don’t know Jordan; I never timed it, but longer than I ever thought possible. Long enough to put practically our entire floor into shock at one time or another!

  • sbarros

    @Dani…I used to work at a K-Mart back in high school in Arizona near a hispanic neighborhood. The dressing rooms were OFTEN used as toilets. It was DISGUSTING!

  • paul

    Well I have to say 90% of women and girls pee very loud.
    I don’t know what make them pee so powerful streams, maybe they mount a fire hydrant between their legs?
    When they pee sometimes there’s no sound hitting the water – there’s hissing sound that makes labia and it can be so loud that it always makes me wonder how strong must be stream? I’ve tried to pee as hard as i can but there wasn’t any hissing sound and I decided that only females have strong enough muscles there.
    Once I’ve seen a group of women pee and must say that they all peed a thick streams which is 3-4 times thicker than typical male pee stream.

  • http://www.themockdock.com Holmes

    Wow…Paul…I mean dude…really…is it that deep. Do you really need to digest the whole thing down. I mean, I have seen a group of women urinating too, but I wasn’t analyzing the situation…I was busy trying to make sure my camera lens didn’t get noticed… I mean…jeeze dude…

  • SnarkyBritches

    Now c’mon Paul… female pee can’t be louder than yours. I mean, yours has to travel All That Way just to get in the bowl… that’s GOTTA be a loud splash.

  • http://www.themockdock.com Holmes

    Based on Paul’s comment, I believe he may sit down to pee…so play nice SnarkyBritches…no don’t…please don’t…keep going…it is so hot!

  • Abby

    If a young girl or a female hissses with energy my penis stands & like to go to do pee

  • zebra

    I like women who hisses every time.

  • sab

    girls hisses when they do sex

  • nisha

    You are right dude

  • Mockarena

    Abby, zebra, sab, and nisha. You’re not fooling anyone. You’re one person trying to make yourself feel better about a really sick and twisted fetish. Give it up already.

    That’s the thing about IP addresses. You can’t really pretend to be 4 different people without ending up looking kind of pathetic.

  • nisha

    Mockarena get lost

  • Mockarena

    Awww, touched a nerve, didn’t I?

    Here’s the thing. This is my blog. So for you to come to my blog and tell ME to get lost is kind of pointless, wouldn’t you say?

    But thanks for stopping by.

  • nisha

    Shut your mounth & get lost from here

  • Mockarena

    Again, nisha – this is MY BLOG. So I won’t be getting lost anytime soon.

    Besides, I don’t even know what a “mounth” is. Is that another one of your weird fetishes?

  • Lis

    Its all anatomical with girls as to how hard they pee…women have a shorter urethra than men so overall they pee with stronger streams but the amount of labia obstruction a girl has is what ultimately decides how hard she pees…some have it where it obstructs their flow alot, these girls will usually dribble when they pee no matter how bad they have to go, others it only obstructs alittle….girls who have almost no labia obstruction will pee very hard…believe me, it makes them feel just as awkward as the ones who have to listen to it…they don’t like being stared at every time they come out of the stall by all the other girls in the bathroom.

  • jack

    if the girls (over 18 of course) do it in my mouth it turns me on

  • Joey

    Why do some women hiss when they pee?

  • isghdfig

    girls hisss i want to go for pee

  • Matt

    I want the name and phone # of that loud hisser I could watch her pee all day or have it do it on my hard long shaft 😉

  • lovingcharm2

    Lis, how much do u usually pee? how does your stream sounds while youre peeing?

  • JACK WILLIAMS

    I’d lick the piss from u. Do it in my mouth.

  • JACK WILLIAMS

    I’d like to eat u out (the adult mother of course).

  • JACK WILLIAMS

    It makes my dick hard then I nail them