You guys – the craziest thing happened earlier today.
I was at work, and visiting the ladies’ room to, you know, use it in its intended manner. For the purpose of emptying my bladder, if you must know. And while I was there, minding my own business in my chosen stall, some unidentified person came in and occupied the stall immediately next to me.
Let’s just pause right there for a moment. You know what I hate? When people go into a stall RIGHT NEXT TO YOU, even though there are 2-3 other available stalls in the restroom. I hate that.
Anyway, at the risk of providing you with WAY MORE information about me than you ever hoped to know, I would like to impress upon you that I am a hoverer. I do not like my buttcheeks to make contact with the toilet seat, for all the reasons you might imagine. And, if you hover, it stands to reason that the fluid you expel is going to be slightly louder hitting the toilet bowl water than it would be if your buttcheeks were to make contact with the seat, right?
But here’s the thing. The person next to me had the LOUDEST PEE I have ever heard. It was like the Niagara Falls of Pee. I can only assume that she was not only hovering, but actually LEVITATING over the toilet, because there is no other explanation I can think of for why her pee would be so loud. It sounded like it was coming down from like two stories above the toilet bowl. I actually shielded my head with my arms instinctively to avoid any potential backsplash. It was THAT LOUD.
Anyway, it seemed like something I ought to share with you all. You know – to get us all talking about our various hilarious bathroom experiences. You know you have some (that means you, Holmes).