Monthly Archive for July, 2008

Lindsay Lohan’s Girlfriend Likes Wee-Wee’s After All

Just ON her though.  Not so much IN her.  Just ON her.

Confusion MY Is New Whaa?

I just – I don’t – I can’t understand what is happening here.

Is she actually suggesting that she’s going to seduce someone?  As a new strategy of sorts? Wearing that? 

I Never Thought This Would Happen…

but behold:  A photo in which Halle Berry doesn’t look ridiculously perfectly absurdly gorgeous.

Heart Trouble? Noooooooooooooooooooo!

Apparently Liz Taylor is in the hospital recovering from some heart trouble. Reading about her made me think about this priceless video of her. Again. I’m sure I speak for all of us mockdockers when I howl, “Liz – get well soooooooooooooooooooooon.”

William Bratton Is Still My Most Favorite Police Chief Ever

Remember when I posted about Chief Bratton before?  Well, I continue to love him, and he continues to say the best stuff ever.  Today, he said that the whole paparazzi issue has calmed down substantially since “Britney started wearing clothes and behaving; Paris is out of town not bothering anybody anymore, thank God, and evidently, Lindsay Lohan has gone gay, we don’t seem to have much of an issue.”  How great is that?

He was speaking about some dumb proposal that creates really dumb, completely unenforceable laws to crack down on the paparazzi, when in fact, it’s the celebrities themselves causing much of the commotion.  He said further, “If the ones that attract the paparazzi behave in the first place, like we expect of anybody, that solves about 90 percent of the problem. The rest we can deal with.” 

You can just tell how much he loves celebrities, can’t you?  I mean, the love is just ooooozing out of him.  I totally agree with him, except that it’s kind of a bummer for us at the Mock Dock when celebrities behave. 

How much do you love that he totally called out Lindsay Lohan for “going gay”?  SO great.


We Are Equal Opportunity Mockers

So that we can’t ever be accused of only mocking the enormous, gigantic, and freakishly large , I have decided that you all need to see the other side.  The opposite of enormous, gigantic and freakishly large.

An alert mockdocker turned me on to the hideousness you see below. 

You have to wonder if the make-up artist even notices the fact that she’s applying lipstick to a CORPSE in boots. She looks utterly unfazed by this chick’s skinniness.  But this one’s my favorite:

There needs to be a serious role reversal here.  Not that the chick being fed wouldn’t benefit from eating whatever sort of delicious looking pastries those are, but the FEEDER chick should eat 4 tables worth of those on an hourly basis for the next year, so that she MIGHT have the potential to look like an actual human again. 


Will someone please explain what the hell is happening with/to Courtney Love in this photo?  Guitar?  Crazy bathing suit, complete with waist corsage?  Footbrace?  Bizarre hand gesture?  Whaaa?

Just A Quick Reminder: Flavio Is Married To Her.

Flabio (see what I did there?) Briatore was captured frolicking around again with his new-ish Nicole Scherzinger-ish wife.  Granted, she doesn’t look all that thrilled to be with him in this particular photo, but I’m actually sparing you by NOT posting the picture of the two of them kissing.

I kind of have this weird urge to put a quarter into his belly button.  Is that weird?

Levi Has Mad Smiling Skillz

I know I already posted a picture of Matt McConauhoweveryouspellit’s new kid, but you guys, he’s SUCH a cute baby and it’s so ridiculously lucky that they got basically a 45-second old kid to SMILE FOR THE CAMERA that I couldn’t help but post it.  How did they DO that?  Babies don’t even purposefully smile until they’re like 5 weeks old at the earliest, right?  But they wouldn’t photoshop a BABY, would they?

Anyway, seriously.  How adorable is he?


Lance Has Finished Another Ride

Lance Armstrong and Kate Hudson are apparently finished having their “relationship.”  You know what?  I’m glad.  I hated these two together. I’m not even exactly sure why.

You realize what’s going to happen next, right?  Lance Armstrong and Cameron Diaz.  She’s been passed around like the flu, plus she seems to meet his obviously narrow girlfriend criteria. 


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