Why does he keep insisting on making Victoria Beckham look completely retarded in all of his ads? I mean, yes, of COURSE the clothes are ridiculous. But it’s like he’s purposely got some team of stylists from some reject beauty school doing her makeup and hair for these ads. And he’s saying, “Hey you guys. Let’s make Victoria look pale and terrified and splotchy and totally dead in the eyes in every possible shot. I think that will go over well with the general public.”
According to this, Britney Spears is being considered for the Broadway production of Grease. And I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Aww – it’s nice of them to let Britney play the school cook.” But you guys – they want her to play SANDY. As in the lead. As in the part that Olivia Newton John made famous.
This is completely ridiculous for two reasons. First, because look what Britney Spears looks like today. The girl is unable to make herself presentable in public. Secondly, the last time I went to a Broadway musical, the music was live. As in not lip synced. “Live” and “Britney” = Disaster.
If this is true, I sooooo want to go see it. And I will sneak in a video camera like Jerry Seinfeld did to bootleg those movies for Kramer, so that you can all enjoy the freakshow.
I have a total soft spot for old people. So does Bunny and so does Dame. We see old people, especially old couples, walking together hand in hand and before we even can stop ourselves, we all collectively slap a hand over our heart and make that face that you make when you see something so touching that it just makes your very soul practically explode.
Anyway. Can you even LOOK at this photo of Kirk Douglas and not want to pick him up and put him directly in your pocket?? I mean, it’s not just Kirk Douglas. It’s Kirk Douglas post-stroke. And it’s not even just Kirk Douglas post-stroke, it’s Kirk Douglas post-stroke on a playground slide, for crying out loud. And do you know why? Because he and his wife just donated, for the 400th time, money to renovate a playground in LA.
So there is now video of Mariah Carey throwing out a ceremonial pitch at a Japanese baseball game.
You guys – I sooo want to make fun of her horrible throw, but that would mean I’d have to own up to how bad of a thrower I am. You know how people say, “Oh – you throw like a girl” and it’s meant to be kind of a put-down? Well, if someone said that to me it would be like the compliment ever, because I could only HOPE to throw like a girl. As it happens, I throw like a toddler who hasn’t learned to throw yet. My aim is impossibly bad. I can’t even blow kisses at my husband without some perfect stranger saying, “HEY! Watch where you’re blowing your kisses, jerk!” It’s that bad.
In any case, since I have now owned up to it, I’m delighted to report that Mariah Carey sucks at baseball.
Sarah Larson and George Clooney have apparently called it quits. But I don’t know if it’s the kind of quits that the tabloids just make up, like Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo, or if it’s for real quits.
George Clooney recently got veneers, so perhaps he’s just feeling really good about himself lately and thought it was time for him to upgrade to someone who hasn’t made out with magazines.
Smokey Pants has been absent for awhile. Katherine has been working hard, smoking hard, and continuing to be annoying. She emerged today with her gal pals to shop, eat, smoke, and look hideous in this home-made sweater.
Bunny uncovered this gem of a photo yesterday. And Ernie, before you get all upset that Ashley Judd is being disparaged again, I want you to know that I’m fully aware that this is a photograph of her helping to show poor disadvantaged people the proper use of condoms. So technically, that means she’s being a humanitarian and selfless and all that.
But come on!!! This picture is priceless. It’s not often you come across a photo of Ashley Judd licking her lips and gleefully clasping her hands together right next to a huge dong.