Monthly Archive for May, 2008

People Love Miley Cyrus

There are various reports floating around that the whole Vanity Fair photo scandal with Miley Cyrus left her so upset that she was close to quitting the whole Hannah Montana thing, and supposedly her family and friends had to encourage her to keep on keeping on.

Which is probably really good news for people like the fan shown above.  You KNOW that girl has on Hannah Montana underwear.

Soooooo Sad.

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Remember that movie with Susan Sarandon and Nick Nolte – Lorenzo’s Oil?  You guys – that was one of those movies that I cried at so hard that I was literally choking on my own sobs. The kind where you are blinded by tears and horking up mounds of snot.  I cry at a crapload of movies, but there are only a handful that have made me cry that hard – and they include Awakenings, My Life, Steel Magnolias, Schindler’s List, and much to my own horror, Powder. (Don’t even ask.)  Anyway, Lorenzo’s Oil is also one of those movies.  And the real Lorenzo has just died at age 30.  Which is about 20 years longer than they thought he’d live.

Bad stuff generally happens in threes, and since we’ve lost Lorenzo, Harvey Korman, and Sydney Pollack this week, we should hopefully be pretty well death-free for awhile.

David Cook Can Sing AND He Has A Sense Of Humor

As if David Cook wasn’t already perfect enough, it’s now apparent that there will be an oscar in his future. Look at him yukking it up with the dude from Best Week Ever. LOVE!

Best. Parents. Ever.


So apparently from this video we can see that there are rednecks in other countries. My favorite part of the video is the woman who “stumbled upon” the post. The baby in her lap looks suspiciously like the baby for sale. Hmm…somebody got a good deal.

Hey Liam – Whatcha Got Goin’ On There, Fella?

<insert the voice of Stewie from Family Guy here>

A little too much to drink there, Liam?  Got a little carried away in the bar, did you?  Lose control of your bladder a little bit, hmm?  Need a change of clothes maybe?

 

Ashley Judd Thinks You Care About Her Thoughts On Spirituality

Behold: A video in which Ashley Judd is asked about her spirituality. A video in which Ashley Judd, to my absolute DELIGHT, says, “My vocabulary is full of shortcomings.” A video which is completely irrelevant, because Ashley Judd’s spirituality is totally inconsequential. And lastly, it’s a video in which Ashley Judd looks about 60 years old and dog tired.

LOVE.

Dame’s a Dork…Version 2.0

So, I hide nothing from you people. I have already proven what a complete dork I am (see here). Why stop there…right? So I just read that there will be a musical based on “Little House on the Praire”. AND, Melissa Gilbert will be playing “Ma”. If any of you truly worship this show, adore Michael Landon, can quote most lines by heart, and remember seeing Mary go blind for the first time, PLEASE comment so I don’t feel alone in my passionate glee for the Ingalls family.

Except for Carrie. I’ve always hated Carrie.

Wait! NEW Best Captionable Photo Of All Time

Speaking of Ashley and dongs…get a load of this photo.  There is so much happening in it that am I at a complete loss as to where to begin mocking it.  Mock away, fellow McMockersons!!!

No One Cares Where You Live, Susan Sarandon

You know what I hate?  When celebrities say crap like, “If John McCain gets elected, I’m moving to Italy or Canada.”  As if anyone cares where they happen to have their 48 bajillion dollar house.  Plus, they never follow through on their promises anyway.  There were like 18 celebrities who said the same thing about GWB getting elected last time – and they’re all still freaking here.

Anyway, according to this, Susan Sarandon says she and her gigantic boobs are outa here if McCain is elected.  Which I think is just  one more reason to vote for John McCain, actually.  I think if McCain is elected, Susan Sarandon and her giant boobs and anyone else who says something idiotic about moving out of the country should be held to it.  They should be escorted out with celebration parades and then orphans from all over the country should be allowed to move into their enormous mansions.

Does This Anger You As Much As It Does Me?

Look at these two.  How much do they need to be punched in the face?

So now, in addition to some fool paying Spencer to write his own advice column, and in addition to allowing these two jokers to receive a salary for being on national TV on a regular basis, and in addition to paying them for various appearances, now Heidi and Spencer have a website that they call “Speidiweb” where they blog and list appearances and post various TOTALLY CANDID AND NOT AT ALL POSED PHOTOS, much like the one above, of themselves.  For which they are probably paid.

Forget war.  Forget global warming.  Forget poverty and disease.  Our next president has a bigger issue at hand – and it’s figuring out a way to eliminate these two from the collective consciousness of the entire nation.  I know I’m partially contributing to their publicity by even writing about them, but you see, this is my anger management outlet, so I feel as though I have a bit of an excuse.  Plus, you’ll notice I WILL NOT link to their site, nor will I even go to it to check it out. I refuse, and you should too. (Unless of course you want to check it out, report back in our comments section how lame it is, and then I can live vicariously through you).

Anyway.

HATE.

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