Monthly Archive for April, 2008

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Exhibit 94: Too Much Disposable Income

This is Rachel Hunter’s DOGHOUSE.  It’s a house for her dogs.  Do you know how absurd this is?  There are kids who would die of ecstasy if they were given a playhouse this nice.

Look At How Gay Jim Carrey Looks!

It’s a photo from the shoot of a new movie he’s doing in which he plays a gay dude.  I would just like to commend him on what’s clearly some fine acting.  Because I didn’t even recognize him when I first saw this.

The USA Is Officially One Person Dumber

Pam Anderson has been allowed to become an actual official US citizen.  It was one thing when we could blame Canada for her, but now she’s one of us.

More Inappropriate Father/Daughter Time

Only this time instead of Miley and Billy it’s Brooke and Hulk.  There was another shot with Hulk’s hand perilously close to Brooke’s crotchular area, but I decided to spare you too much creepiness and just show you the upper thigh move.

You’re welcome.

He Couldn’t Stand Her Voice Either

Kathy Griffin and that super rich guy, Steve Wozniak, have called it quits, and Kathy revealed that he may even already be married to someone else.

She is occasionally funny to me, but I’m fairly certain I’d like her about 85 times more than I do if she only had a voice that didn’t make me want to shove icepicks in my ears. 

In Case You Weren’t Creeped Out Enough By That Cover Shot Of Miley Cyrus, This Should Square You Right Up

Eeeew.  Double eeew even.  This is not an appropriate pose for a father and his 15 year old daughter.  This is barely even an appropriate pose for a married couple.  In fact, this is pretty much only appropriate on the cover of Danielle Steele novel, and only if Fabio is involved.  And even then.  Eeew.

There is a swarm of controversy around this whole photo shoot now, with Miley saying she’s embarrassed even though she was interviewed in the magazine article as saying she liked the photo, and Vanity Fair defending themselves, and Disney all mad at Vanity Fair, and all sorts of other people having all sorts of other opinions about it.

Personally, I think Annie Liebowitz, renowned photographer, is probably going to show up on To Catch A Predator.  Because who looks at a 15 year old girl and thinks “HEY!  I should photograph her looking provacative and sensual, because that’s appropriate for a girl her age.”  I’ll tell you who – child predators, that’s who.

How Cute Is This?

Will Arnett and Amy Poehler are expecting a baby together.  It’s like she decided that being pregnant right when her movie called Baby Mama is coming out would be good timing.  Which it is!  This will be the world’s funniest baby.  I LOVE these two.  I am physically incapable of mocking them.

Well, This Has To Be Embarassing

So remember how I told you that Ashley’s husband, Dario Franchitti, broke his ankle yesterday and therefore had to miss the Talledega race today?  So his team decided to use a dude by the name of David Stremme, who Dario REPLACED this year, as a substitute in today’s race.  And he started dead last, because that’s where Dario had qualified the car.  And then he proceeded to have a totally badass run, including even leading a lap at one point.  He would have finished in the top 5 had he not been caught up in a random accident on the last lap.  Which all just goes to show that Chip Ganassi is an idiot for hiring Dario to replace Stremme in the first place, and that Dario isn’t nearly as much of an “elite talent” as Ashley insists he is.

Anyway.  I like to imagine that in the photo above, she’s saying, “Shhh.  I know he’s not that good but I don’t want him to hear me saying that.”  Only if that’s what she were really saying, it’d be more like, “Silence.  I am cognizant of the reality that my betrothed is not in possession of the level of skill which I have previously indicated; however, it is my preference that he not be made aware of this sentiment through any auditory means.”

 

It’s Over

Rumor has it that the friendship between Victoria Beckham and Katie Holmes (looking like Victoria’s grandmother in this photo) is over, for reasons which include but aren’t limited to:

1.  Scientology
2.  The fact that Tom is worried about Katie trying to be as skinny as Victoria
3.  Katie calling tattoos “tacky” knowing full well that Victoria has a few
4.  Scientology
5.  Scientology

You know what’s really retarded?  Scientology.  The only thing that being involved in Scientology says about you is that you are absurdly impressionable and incapable of independent thought.  Victoria may be tattooed and skinny, but she doesn’t believe that she was created by Xenu or that her husband is the only one who can help out in a car accident.

Katie:  0
Victoria:  1

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