Monthly Archive for December, 2007

Page 2 of 9

Summary of all the Crap that’s Happened Recently

1.  Jennifer Aniston might be pregnant.  It might be Vince Vaughn’s kid – or it might be Jason Lewis’.  Or it might not be either of theirs.   It might be that old royal guy who claimed to be the father of Anna Nicole’s cross-eyed baby – you know – the one married to Zsa Zsa.  Or I might have just made that part up.

2.  Jamie Lynn Spears might be getting married to that Casey dude who got her pregnant.  However, the baby MIGHT not be his, as various sources report that it might belong to some older producer from her show.  That would be totally scandalicious, and would alleviate some of the apathy I’m feeling about today’s celebrity news.

3.  Jessica Alba is engaged to Cash Warren.  The same guy she broke up with several months ago when she wanted to get married and he didn’t.  Hmm.  I suppose the fact she’s pregnant now is just a coincidence and not at all a way to get him to commit.

4.  Paris Hilton’s grandpa is giving away the bulk of his net worth to charity when he dies, leaving her with probably only several million skillion jillion dollars instead of a hundred million skillion jillion dollars.  I weep for her.

5.  Mischa Barton was arrested for DUI, after failing to gain anyone’s attention by acting.

6.  The dude that Lindsay Lohan was banging post rehab is now selling pictures of her and revealing all the details about his sexual encounters with her.   Next up – a “How to Live Your Life Like a Classy Gentleman” autobiography.

I don’t have the will to find pictures to go with any of this. 

They’re Engaged


TMZ reports that Fergie and her boyfriend of 3 years, Josh Duhamel, are now engaged.  So my theory that he is either legally blind OR has a transgender fetish must be on target.

An Expert Offers His Expertise


According to this Sun article, top Hollywood psychiatrist Marty Brenner has, after completing hours of coursework and research and obtaining a degree which bestows upon him the distinction of being LICENSED and UNIQUELY QUALIFIED to make such conclusions, decided that Britney Spears is….wait for it…CRAZY.  He goes on to suggest that she is “losing it” and that she “doesn’t listen to anybody”.

I’m sure I speak for all of us when I express my heartfelt gratitude to Mr. Brenner for alerting us to Britney’s mental condition.  Seeing as how I do not possess the appropriate credentials to be considered one of Hollywood’s TOP SHRINKS, it would have been nearly impossible for me to have figured out that Britney’s a nutjob all by myself.

Ashley Judd Does Not Want to be Objectified, Dammit


Ashley Judd said, of her husband Dario’s career, “Well, he’s a race car driver, and that sport makes me crazy sometimes.  I mean, you’d think they would try to reach out to as many potential fans as possible, but instead, they’re alienating half of society with their objectification of women.  But it’s his job..and it’s his venue…and it’s not my place.” 

Well, at least she knows her place.  Which apparently is to sit on her makeshift throne at the race track, princess-like, and await attention from her husband.  She certainly didn’t seem to mind being objectified for GQ magazine when she posed like this for them.


Oh, Ashley – your hypocrisy knows no bounds.  Which makes mocking you so delightful!


Fergie and The Giant


How tall IS Brooke Hogan anyway?  This picture makes it look like Brooke stopped by a Meijer’s to pick up a Fergie doll so that she’d have something to keep her occupied at whatever event this happens to be. 

Who are the men who think that either of these women are hot?  Come forward and explain yourselves.

Why, Hello There 1980’s!


Wow. Leopards on the top and camels on the bottom.  Nicely done, Mischa Barton. 

Cool Cowell


How cool does Simon Cowell look – EVEN THOUGH the angle of his girlfriend in this picture makes it look like he’s wearing Britney Spears’ extensions? 

The Cruises Have Teeth


WTF? Were Tom and Katie involved in some sort of molar display contest or is this really they way they smile at each other?  I’ve seen rabid dogs look less crazed than these two.

Happy Holidays!


Happy holidays to all 7 of our faithful readers!  We might be a little slower to post over the next few days, but do check in for updates. 

I Was Mistaken


Well, so much for my theory that Amy Winehouse looks like that due to a lack of mirrors. 

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