Monthly Archive for December, 2007

Half-Ton Woman

So this lady is dead now.  12 days after she had gastric bypass surgery.  And when interviewed, her daughter said she couldn’t understand how her mom could eat 8 hamburgers.  And considering that this woman was BEDRIDDEN, I’m not sure how she could either, unless someone brought them to her. 

So here’s an easy way to help your loved ones avoid getting even fatter once they reach the point that they’re bedridden.  STOP BRINGING THEM HAMBURGERS.

Consider this a mockdock publice service announcement.  You’re welcome.

Again….nothing.

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This photo of Danielynn Birkhead came out today and I cannot find ONE SINGLE MEDIA OUTLET who is saying anything about the fact that she is crosseyed.  Not one.  WTF?!?!?

Apologies if You’ve Just Eaten

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The above picture?  Oh, that’s just Sting licking in between the toes of his wife, Trudie, aboard some yacht.  Which shouldn’t be all that surprising given that their bedroom looks like this:

But which should be a LITTLE surprising because Trudie looks like this:

Most Hideous Brothers of All Time

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Jason and Brandon Davis are sickening.  Just look at the oil.  The ooze.  The greasiness.  Just looking at them makes me want to jump into a tub of Purell disinfectant.

Michael Bolton is Frisky

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Michael Bolton was seen frolicking around on the beach with fiancee Nicolette Sheridan. Although I’m not sure if you can actually classify this as frolicking.  It’s more like soft core porn.  The thing that makes me giggle the most about this picture is that Ashley Judd used to date him.  Which means that Dario gets MICHAEL BOLTON’S sloppy seconds.  Nice work, Dario!

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Shown below is Dario coming to the realization that he got Michael Bolton’s sloppy seconds.  And Ashley being horrified that someone has told him.

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Yawn.

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Nicole Kidman blah blah might be blah pregnant blah.

<crickets>

Paparazzi Make a Lot of Money

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According to this article,  Britney has befriended one of the paparazzo who claims to earn upwards of 200k annually from the photos/videos he captures of her.   In a total the-hunter-becomes-the-hunted episode of 20/20, this dude tells the interviewer that Britney is “awesome” and that she “deserves to be treated with respect”.  He also suggests that the paparazzi are her only friends at the moment.

Clearly, he has not consulted with TOP HOLLYWOOD SHRINK Marty Brenner about his recent diagnosis of Britney’s mental condition. 

I hate Katherine Heigl (cont.)


Exhibit A. The 2007 Primetime Emmy Awards. uggggh
The painful look and awkward laugh from Kyle Chandler was my reaction when I first saw this. More to come….

I hate Katherine Heigl

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Alright, so I know I’m not usually the one who hates celebrities. I leave the majority of that to Mockarena. But, I can sit quietly NO more. I hate Katherine Heigl. At first it was a semi-annoyance that I had for her, and then whenever I heard about something stupid that she said I would grunt in disgust, and now, its just grown inside of me to a loathing of Mockarena :: Ashley Judd proportions.  Speaking of, she reminds me very very much of Ms. Judd. The idiotic things she says, her amazing ability to be hypocritical (see here), and…well, she smokes. And its gross. So, stay tuned. I will be posting a variety of horrible quotes, accompanied by a different photo of Ms. Heigl increasing her chances of lung cancer. Happy New Year.

Inconceivable!!

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Sean Penn finally went and drove the Princess Bride to her limit.  The couple, who has kids named Dylan and HOPPER, for pete’s sake, are splitting after 11 years of marriage.  I don’t know how she lasted as long as she did.

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